Self Sabotage...

Last night I learned an important lesson. The middle of the night is a good time for that! Matthew was wide awake (at 3am- not good). I had already nursed him, re-swaddled him and rocked him. After nothing worked, I finally gave up, placed him in the bed and prayed that God would help him sleep. He wasn't cranky, just-- awake. He rolled over and appeared to be falling asleep. I got tucked into my bed, closed my eyes and heard a cry over the baby monitor. So, I went to pick him up and felt like God said, "Leave him alone, let him learn to self soothe." I remembered that I'd been praying that God would teach him to do this, so I sat down in the rocking chair to watch. Over the next half hour, Matthew tossed and turned, looked around, played with his crib mirror, and successfully shed the swaddle blanket. (Impressive, because he was swaddled pretty tightly.) Then he got quiet. I checked on him, and he was fine. In fact, he had found the pacifier, was on his belly and was gently rubbing his head. HE WAS SELF SOOTHING! I was so excited! Thank You, Jesus, this is just what I was praying for!! I went to bed and heard him rustle a few more times, then went to check on him one last time. He was asleep! I worried that he would wake up, since he wasn't swaddled, but he slept until 8:45 this morning.

So that lesson I learned:
Sometimes I pray for something but then (without even realizing it) I don't let God answer my prayer. In this case, I had been praying for God to teach Matthew how to self-soothe and fall to sleep on his own in the middle of the night. But I kept running to his side every time he'd wake up. I didn't want him to cry, which would result in a tearful three year old in the next room- one who doesn't do well at all when she's wakened before she's ready. But Matthew didn't cry. He wimpered a few times, but that was it.

It made me wonder what other things I've been praying for but haven't allowed God room to move on my behalf. How can I expect God to help me get to a healthy weight if I keep eating marshmallows and cholcolate chips at snacktime? How can I expect God to change my attitude if I dwell on critical thoughts? How can I expect God to reveal Himself to me if I neglect spending time with Him? God is not a magic genie who grants our every wish. He is a loving parent, who asks us to partner with Him on our journey so that we can grow and mature in a real way. That means discipline and tough choices are inevitable. I wonder sometimes if I am my own biggest stumbling block... but I am so thankful for my God- the One who loves me and has the power to change me and set me free. So I leave you with this verse and pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a wonderful way today:

"He must become greater. I must become less" John 3:30.