So, I've been working out. Hard. Some of you know this, as I've been posting my progress on Facebook. It's been so good! I have only lost 3 lbs, but my muscle to fat ratio has improved significantly. I've lost 2.5 inches in my waist and 2 inches in my hips. I even bought a size 8 dress for the first time since my wedding dress! I went out Sunday with my hubs (birthday date- woot!!) feeling pretty and lean. We went to the mall to see a movie, then to PF Changs for dinner. We had about an hour before the movie started, so we decided to pick up some jeans for Hubs. He's needed some for a while. I glanced in the mirror in the restroom and thought, "Good job! Kristi, you've been working so hard and it's really paying off!" Two days earlier, I took my monthly progress picture, and I could see some amazing results, even in the short 8 weeks I've been working out. I felt great!
Then we stepped into the department store...
Hubs disappeared into the dressing room to try on several pairs of jeans, so I texted him something like "I'ma try on some jeans 2." They were on sale, after all. I gathered up a few of my favorite cut, but noticed that they weren't exactly the same as my old jeans. Of course, I bought my faves almost 5 yrs ago, when stretchy fabric was not even an option at this particular store. The trouble with the stretch jeans is that they fit so much tighter in the hips and thighs- I think they're supposed to, but I have no idea. I'm no fashionista, which may have been part of my problem.
Back to the story.
I went into the dressing room with what I thought must be my size, and then one size smaller, in hopes that the 2" I'd lost in my hips would pay off... they didn't. The jeans looked AWFUL!! It was most likely the cut, the stretchy fabric, or something along those lines. They seemed to "fit" inasmuch as I got into them just fine, they buttoned in the right place, nothing was "hanging over" the edges, and I felt no pain when I bent over... but they were disgustingly tight. I wanted to cry.
I had dreamt up this amazing moment in my mind of what it would be like to try on jeans. I've never really liked jeans shopping. Somehow, I thought this time would be different. I imagined myself like the girl on the Special K commercial- you know the one- trying on jeans, admiring my new, slimmer figure in the mirror, excited that I could get away with something so cute as a red bikini (although I'd never wear one in public). It didn't help that I was surrounded by overized pictures of 19 year olds wearing the same jeans and looking A-mazing. I brushed it off (sort of), put the jeans away and brushed my hair, suddenly convinced that it was my best feature.
What happened??? Not even 20 minutes earlier, I was giving myself a high-five in the mirror! Now, after trying on one little pair of jeans, I was ready to cry. I told Hubs all about it as we walked across the mall to the theater. He was unreasonably patient as I vented- perhaps because it was my birthday? We went to the movie and I forgot about my ranting. Afterward we went to PF Changs for dinner. I loved every bite, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but feel guilty for eating so much. All I could think about were those jeans.
The next day, I was still loaded up on MSG. I felt bloated and moody. I started my workout and hated every minute. That's a first for me. I love working out- always have. Halfway through, I considered calling Hubs for a pep-talk. Luckily, he drove up to the house for lunch at right about that time. He walked in and I started bawling my eyes out while doing squats. You should have seen it! I put down my weights, ran to him and cried, "I don't wanna work out anymore! It's not even worth it if I can't get into the jeans at the mall! Boo hoo hoo!" He tried to hug me, but I was covered in sweat, so his hand carefully touched my shoulder before finding a safe, dry spot on the back of my sports top. He listened for a few minutes as I ranted again, then reminded me of the progress I've made. He pointed out that the pictures showed how much I've changed. He gave me a few encouraging words, and I was all better. I decided to push through the rest of my workout. I'm glad I did. The next day, I was right back on track, and I had a great time working out. I even caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and felt thin.
I have been thinking a lot about that experience. How could I let one little pair of jeans nearly make a trainwreck of this particular part of my life? It's silly, really. But it happens. I've been learning so much about my walk with God through working out. I'll go into those lessons in later blog posts. Today I want to focus on discouragment. Sometimes we're trucking along, reading our Bibles, spending good quality time with Jesus, watching our attitudes and seeing little changes in our lives. We feel so encouraged and right with God- but then something little happens that sends us into a whirlwind of discouragment. We blow up at our kids, we disobey God, we lie, or do some other stupid thing. We let one little mistake make us feel completely ruined.
But the truth is this: Trying on those jeans didn't undo all of the hard work I'd done to lose my mama-belly. They didn't set me back at start. All they did was remind me of how far I still need to go to meet my goals. (And sometimes that sort of reminder is a good thing!) The jeans didn't change me, they only changed my perception of me. In the same way, whether I weigh a lot or a little, I am still me. Nothing can change that. Size 14 Kristi and size 8 Kristi are the same person when you get right down to it. Same habits, same preferences, same sense of humor, same pet peeves.
In our walk with Jesus, our goal is maturity in Christ. That's a long road. In my experience, it usually happens slowly and takes a lot of hard work (sort of like exercise). There is abundant grace from God to get there, and He helps us more than we could ever know, but there are tough decisions to be made along the way. There are habits to be formed or discarded. There are obstacles to overcome. Every time we lean on God's grace and walk in obedience, we grow a little more.
The truth, however, is that while all of that hard work builds you up to be more mature, it doesn't change your position in Christ. If you are saved- if you've surrendered your life to Him- you are His child. Nothing can change that. All of your hard work will help you grow, but it won't make you more saved. Sometimes we let one little stumble change our perception of our maturity or position in Christ. I know I've done it a thousand times. I think, "Oh, I thought I was doing so well! I thought I was really on track with what God is doing in my life right now- but I ______, so I must be worse off than I thought! All that prayer isn't working, so it's not even worth it to get up early to pray!" Condemnation sets into my heart and discourages me. Doubt sets in, and it makes me want to give up- even more than I wanted to give up that day after trying on the blue jeans. Sometimes I press through, glad that I did, and reap the rewards of faithfulness. Other times, I'll confess, I give up for a day- or a week- or a month. I give up having my quiet time, or meeting with other believers, or praying. But God is always so faithful to call me back. He is always waiting for me with open arms, drawing me, as the Bible says, with cords of loving kindness. He is, as Hebrews 11:6 states, "a rewarder of them who diligently seek him." When I return to Him, I don't have to go back to "Start", but I am always reminded of the blessings I missed out on while I was off sulking in the corner, instead of living in the freedom of Jesus' love. Blessings of peace, joy and more.
So I leave you with this: Are you tracking along? Or has something as trivial as a pair of jeans thrown you off course? If you have given up, let me encourage you to push through. Get out of the pity corner and run to Jesus. Whether in your goals or in your walk with God, don't give up. God is waiting there for you, with encouragement and love. He is our Ever-present Help. Let Him remind you today, as my hubs did that day for me, of how far you've come and how worth it all of this really is.
No comments:
Post a Comment