The Power of Positive Speech...

"You'll get more bees with honey than with vinegar," my own Mama used to tell me. Maybe your mom said something similar? The point is that we get further with people when we're positive. While studying social work in college, I was taught the fundamental truth that if you speak using negative words to your clients, they will quickly become defensive; if you use positives, they will be more willing to work with you toward change.

I used to be pretty good at this. I suppose it was all of the practice through my social work classes and internship. During that time, I experienced first-hand through my work with homeless men and women the power of positive speech. For instance, if I said something like "You didn't turn in your forms yesterday. I've been looking for them, but they're just not here," I was met with crossed arms and excuses. However, if I said "Have you turned in your forms yet? They were due yesterday, so I've been watching for them," my clients were much more reasonable and open to correction. Notice the difference was the lack of negative words, especially "NOT."

Naturally, I thought that this would continue into my parenting. It did, for about 5 or 6 months, until my little princess realized she had a will of her own... a very STRONG will.

It was at about that time that I started incorporating more negative words into my mommy vocab. At 8 months old, she didn't understand long sentences, such as "This is an electrical socket. If you put a key in there, it will hurt you." Instead, I said "No!" and gave her a little thump on the hand, taking the key away and moving her to a different part of the room. (Spare me the tale of outlet covers- my kids always pulled them out anyway.) Over time, "No" was followed by a brief explanation: "No-This will hurt hurt you," or "Don't-This will give you an owie." (How do you even spell owie anyway??) This was appropriate during her toddler years, but eventually, her vocabulary and understanding of cause and effect expanded. But it was too late for me... I had already formed a habit of using negative speech.

I have noticed it more and more lately, now that my daughter is nearly five years old. When I reprimand her for doing something wrong, she responds so much better when I use positive language. As soon as I say "You didn't..." or "That's not..." or "You can't..." she shuts down. However, if I use terminology that has a positive inference, she is more willing to hear me out. Her body language tells me that she's comfortable, not defensive.

This sounds so easy, but I would challenge each of you to monitor your speech for an hour and count the number of times you use negative wording. You might be surprised. I was.

Just since we've been up this morning, I've said to my children,

Don't take your diaper off.
Stop getting out of your chair.
No! Stop doing that- it isn't going to work.

...And more. I've been working on this, but it is such a hard habit to break. It literally causes me to stop and think before I speak- something I used to be much better at. Instead, I should be saying:

Leave your diaper on.
Stay in your chair till breakfast is over.
Let's try something different.

My goal is to significantly work the negativity out of my speech. Obviously, we can't take EVERY negative word out- we need them to convey certain points. I do believe, however, that I can change the attitude and atmosphere of my home if I could just speak more positively.

Here are a few scriptures to help us all out:

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness." ~Hebrews 3:13


"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." ~Proverbs 31:26


"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." ~Psalm 19:4


"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. " ~Proverbs 16:24