Disappointment...

Today I'm processing about disappointment. Recently (as in about 30 minutes ago) I found out that the owner of a house we want can not meet us at a reasonable price for our budget. I had let myself fall completely in love with this house. In my mind, it was perfect.

But then again, a lot of things that I thought were perfect for me were actually not at all what I needed. Specifically, I recall the disappointments I faced in my twenties- maybe because they were the most recent? I was disappointed that I couldn't get financial aid as a ministry major, so I majored in social work instead. It was an amazing journey- I learned much about myself and what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I was disappointed when my freshman roommate decided to live alone, but I was given the privilege of rooming with an amazing girl from Ukraine for two years. We became great friends. I felt disappointed when several relationships didn't work out, but I found Keith and have been happily married for 6 yrs- and I wouldn't trade him. I would re-live those disappointments again and again to gain the experiences that followed and the lessons I learned.

I suppose disappointment is just part of the journey to becoming mature in our relationship with Christ. It reminds us to seek His face, not His hands so to speak. I have to be reminded from time to time to thank God for who He is, not just what He does. At the end of the day, no matter what disappointments I have faced, I can remember that God is faithful. He loves me. He wants what is best for me, and if I am submitted to Him I will find His will. He has a plan for me that is good, not harmful. It will prosper me. It will bless my life. (See Jeremiah 29:11) So what is the point in wallowing in self pity because this one thing didn't work out? Good question.

I still feel sad about the situation, but I have a new perspective through which to process my thoughts. I am not necessarily throwing my hands up to say "I give up"- I know God could still do a miracle here. But even if nothing else ever comes of this, I can still have hope that God will provide a place for us that really is perfect- a place that will cause me to look back on this situation and think, "I'm so glad that didn't work out." I can rest assured that He will do something good in my heart through all of this as well. And I'm thankful for that hope- my Hope- Jesus.

Isn't it amazing to know that our Hope is not just a feeling, but a real, living Person with the power to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine? (See Ephesians 3:20).

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Friends...

Today was a beautiful day. Oh, it rained, for sure- it rained hard. The sun barely poked through the clouds for a few moments. But it was a beautiful day in my heart. Nothing incredible happened, but I was blessed to spend a few hours of my day with some beautiful women (inside and out) at our playgroup and then at lunch- and it blessed my heart.

I've always been one of those "I can do it alone" types. When I worked on team projects at school, I often felt as if the other students were getting in my way. It's not that they weren't helping, but that I didn't know how to receive help. God has used motherhood to straighten out some of those issues in my life, and I'm sure He will continue to work them out as I continue on my journey.

One way He has opened my eyes to my need for help is through Bible Studies and Playgroups geared toward moms of little ones. These groups have been such a blessing. Sometimes, as a stay-at-home mom, a person can feel overwhelmed and lonely when faced with the challenges that everyday life & child-rearing bring. It is so nice to hear someone vent about their child's egotistical rants, potty training issues and ear infections. (It's not nice to hear it because my kids never do those things- and it's definitely not what I want my friends to go through, but it's nice to hear it because I've been there and felt that! ) Of course, those complaints are always balanced by the cute stories of the same children exploring new places, experiencing new activities and crawling up into our laps to whisper "I love you" just before inciting a tickle fight. One of the great things about playgroups and mom-centered Bible studies is that we can all encourage each other, pray for each other and support each other in ways that only someone living in the same, diaper filled trenches can do.

Let me also add that there are amazing friends without kids who have some kind of strange way of understanding their "mom friends", even though they haven't experienced motherhood yet. They are incredibly important to me and help me to remember that life does not actually revolve around my children, haha! (Sometimes I need that glimpse into reality.) One such friend met me for lunch today. I was so encouraged to watch her interact with Courtney and Matthew while I ran back and forth from the table to the salad bar, the bathroom and the ice cream machine. Friends like that are hard to find, and so special.

*Smile*

I am so blessed to have friends who "get" what I'm going through- the good, the bad and the stinky- and love me anyway. So thank you, ladies, both near and far, who have taught me much about accepting help & advice through the most important and difficult challenge I face each day.

Freaking Out...

I know I've said it before, but I am amazed at how much I have learned about myself and God through my relationship with my children. Their behavior is oftentimes a reflection of my own attitudes and behaviors toward God.

Over the last few weeks we've been learning about hearing God in our church. A few days ago, as I was talking to my husband about one of the sermons, a simple picture entered my mind. I understood immediately what it meant.

Many times, when our four year old is upset, she works herself into such a frenzy that she literally cannot process anything we say. The picture that entered my mind that day was of me, holding my little girl's face in my hands, calmly trying to get her attention: "Baby, Courtney, Courtney. Look at me. Listen. Shhhhh. Let's calm down and listen." It usually takes a few minutes before she calms down enough to hear me out. All the while, as her head is in my hands, her eyes are roaming from side to side, usually looking at whatever caused her grief in the first place. When she finally looks into my eyes, her attitude changes. It's as if she realizes that I'm on her team, ready to help. She usually sits in my lap at that point and we talk about her problem.

I realized that sometimes I do the same thing with God. There are times when I get so worked up in a tizzy about my current crisis (big or small) that I can't even begin to process what God is saying. Even as He's speaking peace to my heart I'm looking at my problem, ignoring His words. I wonder how quickly I could get through some of my tough times if, instead of looking at my problem and freaking out, I would just look into God's eyes, sit in His lap and talk to Him about it like a big girl?

Let's all be big girls today.

Weaning...

A few people have asked me lately how weaning is going. "So far so good!" I'd tell them with a smile. For the last few weeks, Matthew (my recently-turned 1 yr old) has been on whole milk during the day and only one nursing session in the middle of the night. Everything was going beautifully. He transitioned to a sippy cup and solid food with no problems. He loves whole milk so much that he tries to drink it from the jug when I set it beside him in the grocery cart. He has always been my good sleeper, and for the past several months he's been sleeping through the night with one (sometimes two) feedings. YAY ME!! I thought to myself, as I remembered how tough it was to get my first born to sleep through the night.

Then 3 nights ago everything changed. There was no more milk. Where did it go? I have no idea, but it's gone. Matthew nursed but wasn't satisfied. He then drank 12 oz of warm whole milk before going back to sleep. I was up for 2 hours or more- I can't remember. The next night he wanted nothing to do with the bottle. He had a few sips and then let me rock him to sleep with "Nummy" (pacifier). Now here we are on night three (it's 3:50am as I'm writing this post).

Let me interject for just a moment to let you know that Nummy is gone. We have no idea where he is. This is a big problem for a weaning baby! A Nummy is a mom's best friend when the baby wants what he can't have. *sigh* We've searched the house high and low, looked in shoes, emptied laundry baskets, checked drawers and looked under beds. I remember where it was when we returned from the grocery store. I told myself: So that's where it is- I need to remember that at bedtime. When bedtime rolled around it was nowhere in sight. We put one of Courtney's old Nuks in the crib with him, but he prefers the big round green ones, so it was a long shot. And yes, we only have one. (Mistake #1).

Oh, and he's teething.

Back to the story.

He woke up at 1:48. Our pediatrician's words rang in my ear: He doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night. You can try other methods for getting him to self-soothe. So, I let him cry for just a few minutes. Then I remembered that Nummy was MIA, so I decided to get him some milk. I fumbled my way to the fridge and put the milk in a sippy cup because I couldn't find a bottle (Mistake #2). I went into his room and offered the cup and Alternate Nummy, only to be met with fits and tears. I put him back in the bed and went to my room to let him cry it out for a few minutes (Mistake #3).

A few minutes turned into an hour and 10 minutes. I tried twice more to comfort him, but he was so worked up that he could not calm down. It was obvious that he wanted to nurse, and quite clear that he was not happy about his new feeding arrangements. Finally, at 3am I took him to the living room, turned on a lamp and grabbed a  lift-a-flap book. Suddenly he was all smiles. He drank his milk, played with his toys, ate some Lucky Charms, finished off part of my apple and went back to bed- at 3:56am. So here we are now at 4am and I hear him wimpering.

No Nummy. I'm sure that's the reason. I have no idea where it is. This morning I searched for twenty minutes before finding it in a pair of panties in the living room floor. (My oldest decided the laundry basket was her cat cage, so she had to dump the folded laundry onto the floor and trap her brother). We were going to the doctor's office for shots, so I searched desperately. Literally 2 seconds after saying Amen I found it and thanked God for answering my prayer. I didn't find it tonight, however, so I can only assume that God has a lesson He wants me to learn from all of this.

Now he's crying full force. It is 4:10.

One thing I have enjoyed over the last few nights is the quiet time I've had once he falls back to sleep. I seem to hear God best in the middle of the night- possibly because I am not distracted by to-do lists or children or social media (yeah, I said it). On average, it takes me a full 30-45 minutes to fall to sleep, so I've had a lot of down time to think, pray and just be still. Right now I'm listening to a thunderstorm outside. Matthew's cries are beginning to wane. Maybe he'll go to sleep again soon? I don't know, it's just nice to be quiet, still and alone sometimes when your day is full of busyness and noise.

4:14am

The storm is picking up, but the thunder sounds further away.

Matthew is still crying.

4:25am

I took a short break to watch Anita Renfroe on Youtube. Somewhere in the last few minutes Matthew fell soundly to sleep. I think I'll head to bed as well. I love lying in bed listening to the rain. And to think, if Matthew had slept all night I would have missed it!

Perhaps tomorrow we'll find Nummy... poor, lost, lonely & afraid Nummy.

O' Nummy, where art thou?

How to Make a Tulle Skirt...

YAY!! Today's post is a how to!

I have to give credit to my friend, Kelly H., for this one. She brought the idea to me and we both agreed that it was super cute and super easy! (I apologize if this is somewhere online already.) So we arranged a playdate/craftdate. The girls played while we sewed. Our girls love these skirts, and it's a great way to recycle some of those shorts that still fit in the waist but are too short. Here's what we did:

Materials Needed:
Shorts (Kelly used a jean skirt and it worked great!)
2" Ribbon (Length will depend on the circumference of your skirt)
Approx. 1 yd Tulle (we used 2 colors to add some flare- get more than 1 yd if you're making a larger skirt)
Scissors
Pins
Thread
Measuring Tape
Safety Pin
Sewing Machine

STEP 1:
Decide where you want the tulle to start. I put the shorts on my daughter, held up some tulle and then put a safety pin where I thought it might look good. Later you can measure all around from that one point to make sure you get it all even.

STEP 2: Iron the ribbon in half, so that it makes a nice cranny for the tulle:

STEP 3:
Fold the tulle in halves lengthwise until you get the desired thickness. We folded about 3 times. Pin it at the top so it won't slip when you sew. (There are no pins in my pic- sorry!) Use a basting stitch to cause tulle to ruffle. I set my stitch length on 5.0. Do not backstitch. **BE SURE TO LEAVE LOTS OF THREAD AT BOTH ENDS!!**

STEP 4: Pull threads to cause tulle to ruffle. Run your fingers up and down the top so that the ruffle evens out:

Should look something like this:

STEP 5:
Tuck the top edge of the ruffled tulle into the ribbon you ironed earlier. Pin in place and stitch a seam at the lower edge. **BE SURE TO READJUST YOUR STITCH SETTING TO A NORMAL STITCH!!** (I always forget that part!)

STEP 6:
Pin the tulle addition onto the shorts. Measure from the safety pin to the leg hem to find the right length, then use that measurement all around the shorts to make sure you're pinning it on evenly. Start at a seam (I used the middle back seam- you can use a side or the back). At this point, I made my daughter try it on again (being careful of the pins) just to make sure it was where I wanted it. Once pinned, sew it onto the shorts. I took my time on this part to make sure I didn't accidentally sew the shorts together (Note: And I still sewed them together a bit, haha!)

That's it! You're all done! Afterward, I trimmed the tulle because it looked a little long. It was super easy and our girls loved being "twins" at church a few days later. I used the leftover ribbon to make a bow. Kelly made a bow she can pin onto the skirt. The ideas are endless!

Enjoy!!

Earth Errands...

He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory.”

I replied, “But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.”

Isaiah 49:3-4

I don't know about you, but this is how I feel some days. I wonder if the work I'm doing will bear any fruit whatsoever. Really? I think, Does it really matter, Lord, if I put the clothes away or pick up the Cheerios or go to the grocery store? I know these things need to be done, but I wonder if they're of any eternal value. I tend to think of certain things as "Heaven Errands" and others as "Earth Errands". 

Earth Errands, to me, are all of the things I need to get done in a given day. They're usually written in my calendar. For instance, today is Monday. That means I'll have to get the garbage out to the curb. I will wash the kids' laundry, do the dishes, make the bed and a slew of other things that must be done. Tomorrow will be more of the same, with a trip to the doctor (shots for the kids- ouch!), a quick run to the grocery store, and an appointment at Subaru to see why my car has recently decided to sputter. Earth Errands. 

Heaven Errands are what I'd consider the super spiritual stuff of the day: teaching my kids about Jesus, praying with someone, giving to the poor. They're the things that count for eternity (in my book).

But may I suggest to you today that all of the Earth Errands can count for eternity as well? Throughout the Bible I see a common theme: We're to do God's work as we go. Two specific verses come to mind:

Matthew 28:19:  "Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

This word "go" is poreuō in Greek. It means "to pursue the journey on which one has entered, to continue on one's journey" (1). In other words, "As you continue on the journey you're already on, show people how to follow Jesus."

Deuteronomy 6:6-7:  "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." 

*"When you sit" is yashab in Hebrew.It can mean to literally sit, or it can mean to make your abode or dwell (2). 

*Interestingly, "at home" (bayith) can mean "at home" or household affairs (think Cheerios, diapers and the grocery store) (3). 

*"When you walk" is halak. It means, "1) to go, walk, come, depart, proceed, move, go away 2) to die, live, manner of life (fig.)" (4) 

*The word "road" is derek. It can mean "1) way, road, distance, journey, manner a) road, way, path b) journey c) direction d) manner, habit, way e) of course of life (fig.) f) of moral character (fig.)" (5) 

In other words, it might be interpreted as: "Talk about God's commands with your kiddos as you live your life and walk the course laid out before you, going about all of the mundane tasks of your day." 

Those are just two examples of letting God use the everyday Earth Errands in our lives. Several others come to mind: The Samaritan woman went to the well to get water- something she did every day- and she encountered Jesus there. Her whole village was changed. God spoke to Gideon while he was threshing wheat in a wine press.  Jesus performed miracles for fishermen while they were at work. Jesus didn't say "Ok, I'm going to go into the city to pray for people for one hour, then I'll run a few errands and maybe catch a little nap." He ministered as he went. All through the Gospels we see that Jesus was often on his way someplace when he healed, taught or set the Pharisees straight. So why not us, as well? 

We may not see our reward right away. We have to entrust it to God. Who but He knows what treasures you're storing up in your children's hearts by being faithful and diligent in your housework? Never underestimate the power of a smile at the grocery store, the magnitude of a kind word to a co-worker or the impression of Jesus you may leave on the guy at the gas station. The Earth Errands can count for eternity, too, even when we feel like they're useless wastes of our time. My challenge to you (and to myself) today is to ask God to live through you as you go about your day to day routines. Trust Him to reward you in His way at just the right time. He is with you.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Starting Over...

This morning didn't exactly turn out the way I expected. When I went to bed (late) last night, I thought I'd wake up once or twice to tend to the baby and then our 4 yr old would come springing into our bed at around 8:30 as the morning sun shone through the window and the birds chirped outside. We'd all get up, shower, have breakfast and get ready for church. Instead, when Matthew woke up at 4:49am he refused to go back to sleep. So I went back to my bed and listened to him cry, thinking surely he'll go back down- he's SO sleepy! Long story short, he woke his sister, ate breakfast (again) and went back to sleep at around 7:40. I was not a happy mama, to say the least.

I put the kids to the table with some cereal and hid in the bathroom where I could have enough privacy for an all-out pity party. I was angry. I felt sorry for myself. I was tired. I knew my attitude was stinky, so I started to pray through clenched teeth, "Lord, change my attitude. Help me out here. I don't want to be bitter, but I'm just so tired..." Suddenly I heard the Holy Spirit speak to the ears of my heart: "Kristi, you don't want to change your attitude."

OUCH!! He was right. I didn't want to change my attitude. It puffed up my pride to think that the world (or my children, or my husband) owed me something for getting up so early- for sacrificing sleep and selflessly caring for a helpless little child in the wee hours of the morning (note the sarcasm). Boo-hoo for me. Everyone feel sorry for me! I shouted to the world through a fake, quiet smile. As terrible as it made me feel, I was having too much fun. Pity parties are like that, you know. It's like having a party all by yourself. You decorate, prepare the snacks, plan the music and then refuse to send out invitations because they wouldn't come anyway- besides, they don't deserve to come to my party after what they did! Then you dance by yourself and win all the party games because you have no one to play with. You overindulge on the snacks and drink 40 Capri-Sun's. You convince yourself that you're having a good time, but inside you're lonely. Then it's no fun anymore- for anyone.

So, after God kindly corrected me, I decided to start my morning over again with the right attitude. I put on a little David Crowder Band and read the Scriptures that are emailed to me every morning. It was the perfect antidote to my bad attitude. When I stopped thinking of myself it released me from the prison of pity I had built with my own thoughts.

And so I leave you with this verse in hopes that we all can steer clear of the pity parties today- I pray I can stop thinking so much about myself and start thinking of the things that honor God:

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Phil 4:8

Changes...

My daughter has been begging for a baby girl. She tells God in her prayers that she would really really REALLY like Him to put one in my belly. Every time we shop she finds something for her new baby sister- clothes, toys, marshmallows, you name it. Let me set the record straight and let you all know that I am not pregnant, nor do I plan to be any time soon. My son just turned one yesterday, So I'm free and clear of all baby fever. Courtney, however, is obsessed... or, she was anyway.

We've been house hunting for over a year now. It's been rather frustrating- especially for Courtney, who has tagged along with me for 20 months now through snow, heat waves, spider webs and moth balls. It's been quite a ride.

Yesterday, on our way to see yet another home, Courtney asked why we were house hunting. I explained that if we have another baby we'll need more room. She is the kind of kid who has an answer for everything, so she devised the following plan: "The new baby can sleep in Matthew's crib and I can get a new big-girl bed!" Where would Matthew go? She didn't have an answer for that one. As she realized that a bigger family would  require a larger home, her obsession with babies fizzled away. "I don't want a new baby anymore." She explained that she changed her mind because she didn't want to move.

I totally get it- I'm the same way, in some respects. I love change when it's new and exciting and fun, but when that event causes a ripple effect, requiring more change, I lose interest. I love a new haircut, rearranging my furniture, a new car with a big red bow on it (hint, hint honey!), but the big changes take some getting used to.  They're the kind that send me running to God saying something like I had a plan! It was all going to work out just right. I know I've been begging for this, but I've changed my mind. I'm happy with things the way they are. But now that I think of it, the most amazing adventures of my life have all started with a risky, rippling change: job decisions, marriage, having children and more. And you know what? The ripples may have shaken things up a bit, but the water smoothed out eventually. Things went back to normal- a new normal- a better normal.

There are a few changes taking place in my life right now that I'm a bit nervous about- like house hunting, sending my 4 yr old to pre-K and my babies growing up... but I have to remember that the changes in my life are often the start of new adventures. I just hope I can face them with joy and boldness instead of losing interest, shutting myself off or telling God, "Thanks but no thanks!"

Pooping in Peace...

I like to think this is a place where we can all be honest. I've been told that I should be careful what I post online because I never know how far it will go or who will read it- so I'm going out on a limb here. I'm just going to be real with you all. I have a little secret: Sometimes, I poop.

Don't judge me. 

If we were honest we'd all have to admit that at some time in our lives we have all done it. Ok, so now that that is out of the way, let me share my morning with you all.

I don't know what it's like in your house, but for some reason it seems that everyone here needs to "go" at the same time. So this morning, just after I finished changing Matthew's stinky diaper, Courtney headed to the potty. I thought, "Hey, I may as well go, too." So we all set out for our respective potties. As a stay-at-home mom, I rarely get to use the bathroom without some conversation or crisis, so I'm accustomed to leaving the door open so I can listen to my children. That way I know if they're getting into trouble.

So there I sat, door open, listening intently and hurrying as best I could, while Courtney kicked her potty stool from atop the toilet and Matthew hummed in the living room as he ate Fruit Loops. Suddenly things were quiet- not a good sign. Then I heard Matthew panting as he made his way on all fours to the hall bathroom, where his sister sat singing.

"What's he doing?" I yelled through the wall.

"He's just standing up and holding on to my stool." Ah, good. At least he wasn't in the trash can or touching the potty. "He's trying to get into the bathtub."

I didn't worry because I've seen him try to climb in before, to no avail. His little legs are too short and he hasn't learned how to use his toes to grip the side of the tub yet... yet.

THUNK!!

CRASH!!

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

"WHAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I knew immediately what had happened. Of course, there wasn't much I could do from where I sat. Courtney freaked out, screaming, "AHHH!!! HE FELL IN THE BATHTUB! HE FELL IN THE BATHTUB!!" While Matthew screamed at the top of his lungs. I sensed by his cry that he was hurt and scared, so I finished up my paperwork as quickly as I could, running to the other bathroom while trying not to trip as I pulled my jeans up around my waist, unsure of the scene I would witness as I rounded the corner to the hall bath.

There it was. Courtney sat on the toilet in tears while Matthew stood in the bathtub, also in tears. It was complete chaos. Everyone was screaming. I picked up my son and consoled his sister as she went on and on with the "why's" (of course). "Why did he fall in? Why was he trying to get in there? Why didn't you come at first? Why is he still screaming? Why? Why? Why?" 

Before long I had them both calmed down. Matthew started babbling and Courtney went on to play. Whew- no concussion. He's fine, other than a 4 inch circular bruise around his left eye from hitting a bath toy (I've attached a pic). *SIGH*

And so another day goes by where I don't get to sit on the toilet in peace... but I'll live. I'm actually rather used to it by now (although I must interject here to say thanks to my hubs who keeps the kids at bay when he's home). I just keep telling myself that the day is coming when I will once again be able to close the bathroom door and pay no attention to the outside world. I'll finally be able to poop in peace.

Bad Mama...

I just finished one of the best burgers ever (and I made it at home, go figure)! Of course, I enjoyed it while reading blogs and checking Facebook and being a rather bad mama. I say this tongue-in-cheek, of course, because I know I'm not a bad mom. I just don't look like the Magazine Moms whose children look like models and clean their rooms and eat healthy butternut squash casseroles with fresh sprigs of something green on top. Here's what's going on at my house right now:

I just finished an A-mazing cheeseburger while my 4 yr old wasn't cleaning her room. She started on it over an hour and a half ago. It really wasn't very messy- just a few toys and a T-shirt and a hot-pink feather boa. The deal was that it had to be done before she could eat dinner. Seeing that the job would take me 11/2 minutes, I assumed it would take her about 15 minutes, thus an hour would be plenty of time. Nope. So I ate without her. (Bad mama!) Don't worry much about her, though. She can eat when her room is clean.

While I was eating, my 1 year old had a tray full of peas... which he thoroughly enjoyed smashing between his fingers and throwing onto the floor. So, since it was obvious he didn't like the peas, I gave him a few potato chips. (Bad mama!) What kind of mom gives her baby chips, anyway?!? Um, me. Yep- it's out. Stop the presses! I'm not perfect! In fact, while we're confessing here, let me tell you a few other bad Mama moments:

* Sometimes my kids go an entire day with no vegetables other than pizza sauce.

* I haven't signed my 4 year old up for dance, gymnastics, piano lessons or any other extra-curricular activity.

* I often pretend to listen to my four year old while thinking of something else. I listen just closely enough to pick up her tones and key words so that I know how to respond, but I'm really thinking of the grocery list, the  bills or how much I'd love to get on What Not To Wear so that I can get a whole new wardrobe for free.

* Sometimes I let my kid spend up to two hours playing on nickjr.com if I am watching a movie and don't want to be interrupted (*GASP!*)

* Sometimes I let my 4 yr old think she's lost if she wanders away at the store so I can teach her a lesson. (But I think she's on to me now because she doesn't get scared anymore.)

*Sometimes I even let my 1 yr old carry a sippy cup full of milk around the house all day (the dentist lectured me about this one).

Oh, I know. I know! Such a bad mom. If the parenting magazines had my picture I'd be the poster kid for what not to do. According to them, my kids are going to grow up to be unhealthy, emotionally unstable adults with no understanding of real boundaries, no social skills and no sense of self-worth. They'll most likely turn to drugs or join the circus to ease the pain of the handful of times I lost my temper. Goodbye college fund and hello therapy bills. Paying for their first year's sessions is the least I could do after messing them up so badly.

Alright, so I'm exaggerating. I really just want to say that none of us are perfect. We can't let the books and magazines haunt us with false expectations. I've cried my eyes out unnecessarily over the littlest teeny-tiny things, only to realize later that my child didn't even notice. Lean on God's grace and just be the mom God made you to be. Give yourself a break. Ask around- I know tons of great people whose parents were an absolute mess. They turned out just fine. So don't worry if you are so tired that you forget your child's name (been there) or if you blow up because you just cleaned the entire house only to go back to the living room and find goldfish crumbs and blue marker all over the couch (done that). Don't stress over the small stuff. enjoy your kids. Enjoy motherhood and be a bad mama from time to time without feeling guilty. I hereby give you permission to be normal.

Oxygen...

Sunday evening, as my family and I drove to church, our four year old asked her Daddy, "Why are there trees in the world?" My husband went on to explain the real reason there are trees. Wow! I thought. I would have just said "so the animals have a place to live" or "so we can have shade" just to avoid an endless exchange after a long day... way to go Honey! That's why I love him! She listened carefully as he explained that people breathe in oxygen and breath out carbon dioxide. Trees, in return, breathe in the carbon dioxide and breathe out new oxygen. That way we don't run out of air to breathe. (Simple.) She had that look on her face- the blank stare that makes you wonder if it's going in one ear and out the other. We arrived at church and went inside, checked the kids in and found our seats.

Two hours later, my hubs and I had almost forgotten about the oxygen lecture. We picked up the kids from the nursery and headed to the car, calling after our daughter to slow down and stay with us, as usual. When we arrived at the car, she ran over to the nearest tree and started blowing on it- then she took a deep breath. "What is she doing??" I asked my husband. He looked over and we both realized that she was breathing! She had leaned close to the tree to blow her carbon dioxide onto it and then took a deep breath to receive its new oxygen! It was hilarious and cute and smart and silly and just downright adorable!

I love how literally our children perceive the world. It's all black and white for them. There is no grey. They are excited about everything and want to experience it all. The funny thing is that we had just been learning in church that evening about our Source of Life- Jesus. About how we need to lean into Him and stay connected to Him to enjoy the life and freedom He came to give us. Just like how my daughter leaned into the tree (her source of oxygen).

The Kingdom of God is like... a child who leaned close to a tree to take a breath. There was oxygen all around her, so she could have breathed at any place in the parking lot, but she chose to focus on, and lean in toward the source of that oxygen with childlike faith.

Boring Old Grown-Up Stuff...

 Someone told me once that the "Little Years" were filled with very long days and short years. I'm not sure how that works, but I've found it to be true. There are days I think the crushed Cheerios and sippy cups in the TV cabinet (how long has THAT been there???) will never end, but somehow my oldest is 4 and my youngest will be one in just over a week. What happened? Time flew by and I hardly noticed. I have got to pay more attention, or I'm going to miss it!

I feel as though I've done better lately. I've tried to focus on my children more during the day: playing, conversing, teaching and enjoying them. Of course, with my task-oriented personality I still find myself chiseling away at my to-do list, telling them (what seems like one hundred times per day), "I can't (fun childish activity), because I have to (boring old grown-up stuff)." Lately, however, I've been working on finding ways to get my list done and hang out with my kids. My oldest is 4 now, so she can help with laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, and a few other things. I've also started taking short breaks between chores. We dance, we play, we make the chores a game (most days). This may sound like common sense to some, but to those of us who are "I've got a job to do- I've got to get it done now- no one had better get in my way!" type people, it's a completely foreign concept.

And do you know what? It's amazing what has happened. I've really come to enjoy my kids more. Since rearranging my priorities, I've come to welcome a playful interruption during chore time instead of feeling frustrated that "I can never get anything done around here- BLAH!." Truth is, when my kids are happy I get MORE done (and faster!). It gives me time to invest in two of the greatest relationships I will ever have. These years go by too quickly to waste time on windows and floors. Don't get me wrong- I'm not saying that you should forsake responsibility and pretend the housekeeping fairy is hard at work as you give piggy-back rides through the Laundry Forest- well, actually, that second part's not such a bad idea.

What I'm trying to say is: have fun today. Play with your kids. Turn the "boring, old grown-up stuff" into something enjoyable. You may just need it even more than they do! So, if you must go through the Laundry Forest, slay the Dingy Dragon, gather the pixie dust that spilled all over the bookcases, or climb to the top of Mt. Dishy, then do it in style! Make it count. Give your kids a new perspective on chores. It's all about the little things- because what's little in our giant, grown-up eyes is HUGE in the eyes of a preschooler. Don't underestimate the power of your attitude today, whatever is on your to-do list. And don't underestimate the power of God's love that can cover a multitude of sins. Let today be a new day- and just have fun.

Say WHAT?!?

Barking. Barking. Barking. All night. Just yesterday I was thinking to myself: I hardly notice that I have new neighbors. This may turn out well after all! Our previous neighbors kept to themselves and were nice people, but their teenagers loved to play basketball until midnight or later several nights per week. As I lay in bed I winced with every "thunk. thunk. thunk. (pause) THUNK!" After three or four weeks we got used to it and could sleep again- with the fan on. They moved out a few weeks ago, so we've been used to the dead quiet at night. No porch lights blaring through the window, no thunks, no late-night BBQ's, no cars driving in and out at all hours of the night. Even my 11 month old has been sleeping soundly. It was wonderful...

Our new neighbors are also quite nice, very quiet and keep to themselves. Unfortunately, their dogs are not as considerate. There are several dogs in the back yard who are trying to get used to all of the new smells and sounds of a new neighborhood- so they bark. All night long. I completely understand, but *yawn!* all of that is just a rant to say "I'm TIRED."

So, naturally, I went to Walmart today. I should have known better, since having almost no sleep last night, but I was out of milk. I made a list and stuck to it, so I did well- but I didn't have my "mom edge" today. You know what I mean- that part of your brain that is ready to launch a full force assault on fits, answer questions with superb wisdom that is worded in such a way as to stifle any "why" questions that may ensue, and, of course, that part of your brain that guards your thoughts from drifting into La-La-Land so that you're 100% on your toes and ready to deal with anything that comes your way. Yeah, I didn't have it today.

So there we were in the dairy section, browsing cheese. Hmmm. Cheddar. That's it. Sharp? Mild? Extra Sharp?? Who makes up this stuff? Whatever happened to just cheese? *sigh* I'm tired. We passed a teenager stocking the shelves and my recently-turned 4 yr old laughs out loud like she's at a comedy club, points and yells "HahahaHAA!! That guy has a ROOSTER TAIL on his head!!" *Blush* Maybe he didn't hear? She said it again. And, yes, one more time. For those of you who don't know, a rooster tail is a cowlick gone bad (at least, it is in our house). I'm still not sure if he knew he was the victim of her verbal outburst, but I didn't want to take any chances. I bolted out of there with cheese in hand as fast as I could. At least it wasn't as bad as what she said in the produce section. I sighed to myself.

What did she say in the produce section?

This is where I should have had my guard up. This is where I needed my "mom edge". There I was, looking at strawberries, checking prices and (I'll confess) looking over the hill into La-La-Land, thinking how nice it must be there... no responsibility, no list, just hanging out (maybe napping a bit)... when the question came loudly over the shopping cart. "Mama, what kind of panties are you wearing?" What? Did she just ask me- huh?- Did they hear that? Oh, they did. They're smiling at me. They're looking at her. "Mama! I said, 'What kind of PANTIES are you wearing?'!" I didn't answer. I was so embarrassed as the lady next to me turned and did one of those laughs out of the side of her mouth- you know, the kind that you try to hold in so you just end up spitting all over yourself? Time stood still as she asked me once more, even louder: "MAMA! WHAT KIND OF PANTIES ARE YOU WEARING???"

I regained my composure, wiped the shock off of my face and quietly whispered why that question is inappropriate, etc., etc., etc. Needless to say, I cut my time in the produce section short, quickly pushing the basket into the bread isle as I fought the "why" of it all. "Why is that question not okay? Why is it called 'in public'? Why won't you tell me? I'm wearing Dora..." Truth is, I couldn't have even told her if I wanted to. I don't remember. I was too tired to notice this morning after being up all night with the neighbor's dogs. On any other day I could have seen it coming. I could have nipped it in the bud, so to speak. I could have, well, you get the point.

So there's no moral to the story today- at least not one that I can glean except "Don't take your kids out in public when you're tired." If you can extract a lesson from this story, I'd love to hear it... when I wake up.

Mr. Gumball...

     "AHHH! Mr. Gumball is here!" I quickly surveyed the mall playground as my three year old clung to my leg in serious angst. A small head of thick, dark hair bounced behind the plastic turtle. When the owner of the little head popped up, I recognized him immediately.

     A few days before, he had terrorized the playground with his rough-housing and tackling. Let me interject here to say that he was just being a 2 (or maybe 3) yr old boy. Boys play rough. They wrestle. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way he played earlier in the week- except that nearly all of the other children on the playground were frilly Princesses. The Princesses had decided as a group that they should be afraid of him, and he rose up to the occasion. Their screams urged him to growl like a monster. Their running brought on chasing. You get the point.

     As the young boy scared the poor Princesses, a girl began to pick on her little brother, calling him "Mr. Gumball." I have no idea where it came from, but it seemed to really get under his skin. (NOTE: Mr. Gumball was not the boy running amuck amongst the Princesses.) Of course, the girl's mother told her to stop, but she kept taunting. Somewhere in the chaos, Courtney assumed the small monster boy's name was Mr. Gumball- and, so, we come to our encounter with "Mr. Gumball' at the playground today.

     I encouraged her to play. She reluctantly ran around the playground with one eye on the slide and one eye on Mr. Gumball. He was at his rough antics again- only this time he had several boys to play with. He obviously made her nervous, so I asked if she wanted to leave. She quickly put on her shoes and headed for the exit. I started to put Matthew into the stroller and turned to see where she was. Mr.Gumball had her by the arm and was trying to pull her back into the playground to play. She jerked away and ran to me, almost in tears. We started walking away. The quicker, the better! I thought. I knew that if we stayed much longer I would surely have a meltdown on my hands.

     As we walked, I listened as Courtney played out a hypothetical conflict to herself. "If Mr. Gumball comes up to me, I just tell him, 'NO!NO! Mr.Gumball! Go AWAY!!' Then he will just GO AWAY and I can play. And if he comes up again..." and so it went on and on. What she'd do if she ran into him again. He'd better watch his back. He'd be sorry. She'd give him a piece of her mind...

     I laughed quietly to myself (because if I had laughed out loud I would have had to explain why I was laughing- and who wants that when we're all tired and hungry?). I couldn't help but think of how often I've done the exact same thing: "Oh, if that guy were to stop and get out of his car, he'd be sorry he ever cut me off! I'd tell him a thing or two!" Or, "If she ever says something like that again I'll punch her in the nose!" Of course, when those situations come up I rarely actually execute my plan. It made me wonder what she'll actually do if Mr. Gumball comes back to the playground? Will she stand up and tell him no? Band with the other Princesses in fear? Start a little Princess riot and conquer the playground for Princesses everywhere? Or will we just happen to go shopping as soon as he enters? I suppose we'll find out soon enough!

Mama Magic...

     "God gave Mamas the ability to know what their kids are doing, even when they aren't watching their kids." I watched my 3 yr old's face go from dumbfounded to amazed in a matter of seconds as she realized the truth in this statement.

Then she made her way to time-out for jumping on the couches while I was in the laundry room.  

  

     How did I know? Mama Magic... and the fact that she was grinning from ear to ear, sitting quietly on the couch with the pillows and throws all out of sorts. I know her. I know her so well, in fact, that I saw the I'm going to jump! look on her face as I headed out of the living room. Amazing, isn't it?

     I am often in awe of the abilities God gives us Mamas. For instance, somehow I seem to know the sound of every little thing in my house. I can't remember where I left my keys, but I distinctly remember the sound of little hands opening the pantry door. If you were at my house and we heard a large crash, I could tell you with certainty whether it was the bookshelf, the Barbie toys, the closet rod or the shoe basket. I can tell what part of the hallway the baby is in by the way his hand sounds as he taps the wall. Incredible! I could even tell you if my daughter is searching for string cheese, grapes or yogurt, simply by the way she's standing in front of the refridgerator.

     We Mamas are great at predictions, too. We just know things.  We know what our kids will ask, even before they ask it. We can predict (down to a second) when a meltdown is going to occur. God has even given Mamas the ability to know at what point to tell the oldest we've got 5 minutes before leaving the playground because the youngest is about to dirty his diaper (ok, so that one's not so hard to figure out). Still, it's absolutely amazing! It's all part of the package for a mom, but still VERY mysterious. 

     The greatest Mama Magic that I've ever had the pleasure to witness came from my own mother when my brothers and I were teenagers. I remember it like it was yesterday: My younger brother is a meat guy. Hey, he's from Texas. Meat and Dr. Pepper all the way. One summer day, while our parents were at work, my brother decided to pull out a pot roast from the fridge and cook it for lunch. Pan-fry it, if I remember correctly. I told him to put it back, but you can imagine how that went over. I gave up and went back to watching TV... a few minutes later the phone rang. I answered and heard my mom say, "Tell your brother to put the pot roast back in the refridgerator. I'm saving it for dinner!" How did she do that?!? I may never know. Mama Magic is all I can say.

     If you're a mom to be, get ready! Within hours of holding that little one in your arms your senses will power-up to Ninja level. (You may not notice this, however, until you start sleeping through the night again.) If you're a mom already, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I encourage you to hone in to your gift and use it wisely. Use it often. Keep it mysterious. If you are a child, well, good luck getting past your Mama with that stunt. Just remember: even if she doesn't "catch" you, she knows what you did.

     Wow, God, You really knew what You were doing when You gave Mamas eyes in the backs of our heads-Thanks for the Mama Magic. We couldn't do it without You!!

Couponing Conundrum...

          My first big couponing trip. More like an excursion! Oh, I've used coupons before, shopped sales and what-not. I usually end up saving about $3 or so and feel pretty good about it, but then I think, $3.00? Really? Is it even worth all of that time and effort for $3.00?!?

          But this time was different! This time I went in with a mission (sort of). I went in with more coupons than I could possibly use. I went in head first. I went in... blind.

          First, I printed the coupons. I am part of a group on Facebook called "Chicken Little". It is amazing- full of info on how to get coupons, free stuff, etc. It's a great resource if you need a few tips on saving money. I found several coupon sites through Chicken Little and went to printing... and printing... and printing.

          I think I downloaded 4 different coupon printers! I also went online check out some weekly ads and sales. I was pleased to find that some sites also had online coupons! SCORE! I was so excited that I failed to execute the most important element of couponing: planning.

          What? Me? Forget to PLAN? Yep. I thought I planned well, but I had no idea how complicated couponing can be! I thought, "I'll use these coupons at this store and get that free and double this here" and what-not, but I failed to put my plan on paper- which meant walking into a store with a purse full of coupons and no clue as to what I was doing.

There's something about shopping with kids in your cart that causes your brain to stop working the moment you walk through those automatic doors...

So the first store: Walgreens. I was epecially excited because I had read through the weekly ad and found the soap I use on sale. Not only was it on sale, but if I got three of them, Walgreens would give me $6 in Register Rewards, which I could use on my next purchase. YES! If I played my cards right I could get my toothpaste and cereal for free! (I had coupons for those, too!) Unfortunately, I was distracted by my three year old begging for suckers and dancing around the shopping cart, so I forgot to purchase my soap first and then use a seperate transaction to pay for the rest of my goodies with the Register Rewards... bummer. But I can use the Register Rewards on another trip- and I still saved a ton! (I'll tell you how much later)


Second store: Target. I had Target-only coupons that I printed off their website. This store was a little tough because I was so distracted by all of the cute summer clothes on sale for kids! (Of course, this had to be the month I told my husband "Don't budget much for clothes- I don't plan on getting anything."- grrr.) Oh well, back to the point: Target is tricky! The coupons were great, but I kept asking myself, "Is this cheaper at Target with a coupon, or at Walmart with no coupon??" For instance: At Target I was able to get a free Jello mix if I bought three- At $1.25 a pop, I spent $3.75 and saved $1.25. At Walmart they're only $0.90 a box, so for four boxes I would have spent $3.60- so I spent $0.15 more at Target with a coupon than I would have at Walmart without a coupon... a learning experience to say the least. However, I did get great deals on BBQ sauce and several other items and ended up saving some money after all!


Third store (yes, I'm crazy like that- and yes, I had both kids with me): Walmart. By this point I was feeling a bit tired and somewhat discouraged. I had saved money, but I wasn't sure how much- and I really wasn't sure if I'd walk into Walmart and discover that I'd spent more than I should have. As I walked through the store I glanced at prices and checked my receipts from the other stores- I really DID save some money! (Aside from the Jello, of course.) I was especially pleased to find that the soap I bought at Walgreens would have cost me $4 more at Walmart- and I wouldn't have received the $6 coupon... so a $10 gain there! Of course, once I hit Walmart I realized that I didn't just need milk and juice after all- so I ended up filling my cart full of things I forgot I needed: baby food, fruit, etc.- alongside all the things I had coupons for... so I spent way more than I originally intended.

          The whole way home I kicked myself for spending so much. Not that it was "alot" per se, but since it was May 31, I went over the last bit of our grocery budget. If I had shopped on June 1, when the budget was full, I wouldn't have cared at all- yeah, I'm kind of weird like that. I'm working on it:)

So the coupon conundrum: Is it worth it to spend all of the time and energy on cutting out tiny pieces of paper and shopping at several stores, just to save a few bucks? Let's find out:

          At home, I pulled out the receipts and did the math. Overall I used 12 coupons and took advantage of several in-store deals. When I added up my savings, they totalled $30.82! not to mention I got a $6 coupon for my next trip to Walgreens. So, for an hour of coupon printing/sorting I gained $36 in savings... not bad! I did, however learn a few lessons along the way that I'd like to share:

1) If at all possible, leave the kids at home! Need I say more?

2) Go in with a real plan. "Proper prior planning prevents poor performance," Jeannie McGinnis used to say. I agree. Next time I will make a detailed shopping list and put a little * or something by the things I have coupons for.

3) Cut out the coupons BEFORE you go. I thought, "Hey, they're all on a single sheet of paper- easy to carry & sort through- awesome!" But they were such a pain to hold on to and tear apart once I got into the store. Next time I'll definitely cut them out and organize them before I head out.

4) Know what you spend. It would have been such a great help to know how much Jello costs at Walmart before I spent the money at Target just because I had a coupon. From now on I'm going to pay more attention to my costs so I can know for sure if I'm getting a good deal.

5) Have fun! Toward the end, my attitude started turning downhill. I forgot all about how much I was saving because of the stupid Jello. Next time I'll keep a better check on my attitude. Maybe then I won't get so upset when my three year old spills sprite all over the back seat... yep.

The Princess Years...

       "I want to stay with you forEVER!" I hear it every day. I hear it all day. My three year old is stuck on me like glue lately. I must admit, I'm flattered and loving every minute of it... well, almost every minute... except when I go to take a shower, need a few minutes to think or when I just plain want two minutes of quiet after hours of answering the question of the century: why?

I don't know why. That's just the way it is. Because if you eat them you'll get sick. Because there are tiny little germs on them. Well, because there are germs on everything. Yes, bad germs. No, not on that. Those are good germs. The difference? What's a germ? It's an, um... Let's just Google it.

       But then sometimes I wish she could stay with me forever- and stay little forever. I can hardly believe she'll be four in two months. I didn't see it coming. This evening we sat outside in the spring breeze talking about princesses and dresses and castles while I made a crown from clover flowers. When I put it on her head I was taken aback at her beauty and innocence. She's such a beautiful person- inside and out. She is compassionate, inquisitive, kind, spontaneous, imaginative, creative, bold, funny as all get-out, intelligent, passionate, peaceable (most of the time), and so much more. If she were to stay three- and if she were to stay with me forever- I would be robbing the world of a rare jewel. So I suppose I'll let her grow up, slowly. And in the mean time I'll continue to take hundreds of pictures to help me remember these sweet, day-dreaming princess years with her red, sparkly Fancy Nancy shoes, the tutus, the crazy morning hair and the sweet joy that comes over her face every time she discovers a new freckle.

      

God is Bigger...

"Daddy has no fear because he's big. He's bigger than you!" My 3 yr old's words brought laughter to us last night. I'm not sure where they came from or what she was thinking about. I suppose it had something to do with the thunder we could hear outside? As I'm sitting here now I can't help but think that those same words apply to me in a greater sense. God is my father- my Daddy. The Bible says, "And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, 'Abba, Father.'” (Galatians 4:6) The word "Abba" means "Daddy" or "Papa". It's a very intimate word- with the same context as my little girl would use to call out for her daddy.

From time to time I get caught up in fear. Fear of sudden disaster, fear of failure, fear of what people think; you name it, I've dealt with it. I am a natural planner, which means I also have a tendency to worry. Even today, as I filled out my daughter's pre-K application, I was hit with fear. Worry. What-if's. One question had to do with the applicant's disposition, especially as marked by temper tantrums. My daughter is three. She throws fits. We deal with them at home, but I started worrying about how she may act when the teacher tells her to put the glitter away- will she throw a fit? Throw the glitter? Be kicked out of pre-K? All fear-related questions. All me-focused questions, spiraling out of control. All silly thoughts that, if I were to take a step back, I would dismiss immediately.

In 1999, my best friend died in a car accident. I was supposed to have been in the car that day, as she had invited me several times. The thought that I could have been in the accident scared me. I was also two weeks away from moving out of my parents' house to head off into the great unknown: college. On top of that, I was studying for my driver's license exam and terrified of failing the parallel parking portion! I was an insecure 18 yr old worry-wart, drowning in a sea of fear and panic. I met with our pastor's wife, a school counselor at the time. She led me through an incredibly scary and successful exercise: the what-if game. I had two minutes to write down all of my fears. Then we talked about each one. What would happen if I really did have a car accident like Erin? What if I never made a single friend in college? What if I failed all of my classes and lost my scholarships? As we talked through each one, I started to see a trend... my answer to all of these fears had one thing in common: JESUS. Jesus is the ultimate Friend and would guide me in making friends at school. Jesus would protect me and, if I were to die young, He would welcome me into Heaven. Jesus would be there for me. Jesus would provide. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I was shown verses in the Bible that clearly stated His promises- and I've watched Him prove Himself faithful to me ever since.

I use that exercise even now, 12 years later. What if my hair looks stupid on picture day? What if I forget to pay a bill? What if the car breaks down? What if I lose a child? Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. From the serious to the silly, Jesus is the answer to all of my fear. His love for me fuels my confidence in Him.

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first." 1 John 4:16-19


 My heavenly Daddy- God - is bigger than me. He has no fear. Jesus never said "I fear..." in the Bible. He said "I AM."

Garlic Toast...

Keith and I give each other what you might call an "allowance". It's fun money- to buy things we need or want through the week that aren't groceries, gas or bills. I tend to use mine to take the kids out to eat for lunch or to buy ice cream or some other treat. Today it was Jason's Deli.

We love Jason's Deli. Courtney loves it because of the soft serve ice cream machine. Today I went in with a plan. Simple. Masterful. Awesome. It went something like this: "I will order something that takes 5 or more minutes to make. That way I can get my drink, get the kids' muffins, straws, extra spoons and everything else, find a table and get seated just in time for them to find my little red #63 and bring a tray of goodness to us." Perfect! I usually don't attempt such an endeavor without Keith. We have those places we go just the three of us (easy places- like McDonald's), then there are places I don't dare go without an extra set of eyes and another pair of hands. Jason's Deli is usually a two-parent venue because we always end up going back to the salad bar for more muffins, getting refills and taking Courtney to get ice cream at the end.

As I headed toward the fountain drinks, Matthew in the high chair (thank goodness for wheels!) and Courtney tugging behind me, an employee approached us and asked for our number. Our food was ready. What?!?! I panicked in my thoughts. This isn't part of the plan! I don't even have a drink- or a straw! Do I really need a straw? I can go without one this time. Oh, but we don't even have a table! It went on like this for what seemed like minutes but in reality was only a split second (or two). The kind woman offered to carry our food to the table. YES! Thank you!

I quickly grabbed a drink and found a table. As we sat down, my heart was still racing. I tried to make things work, but I really needed that trip to the salad bar if I were going to get through this meal. Since there were no booths open I couldn't nurse- which meant Matthew would be eating graham crackers and small bites from my plate. I wasn't thinking clearly, so I raced to the salad bar, backwards, with my eyes on the kids and grabbed all I needed in record time. I sat down at the table and took a deep breath. Courtney ate quietly and Matthew ate with his feet on the table. *sigh*

As lunch progressed, I was still a little frazzled. Not to mention I was dressed in a ball cap and T-shirt after a good workout this morning. It seemed that everyone else there had just been in church by the way they were dressed. I felt out of place. After squashing the comparison bug with my bare hand, I decided to enjoy lunch with my kids. I could overhear the couple next to us as they watched Matthew eat crackers. They thought he was so cute- SCORE! Then Courtney dropped a muffin. She went down to get it- SCORE AGAIN! What a big girl, I thought. I've taught her well. She dropped something and now she's gone to pick it up. Oh, she picked up the muffin alright- and put it in her mouth! The man next to me laughed out loud. I could have died. I made her discretely spit it out. Yuck. The couple left soon after- possibly sickened at the sight of a child spitting a gingerbread muffin into her mother's hand. Oh well. Back to enjoying lunch.

Still a little frazzled.

I took Courtney and Matthew to the ice cream machine for desert. Why didn't I think of this at salad-bar time? I could have just taken them with me! Duh! Courtney loved her ice cream. Matthew had a few bites as well. He started grabbing for other food and found a piece of garlic toast- you know, the hard, crispy crouton-textured kind. I didn't think he could bite any off, so I let him try it.

WHOA! What a face! Matthew clearly thought it was bitter. The man at the table next to us (new couple this time) laughed out loud- HARD! He obviously thought it was hilarious, as did Courtney and I. Matthew caught on quickly and smiled. He took another bite, made a bitter face and laughed. It was a game now (and SO cute!) The rest of lunch was much more enjoyable. My frazzledacity melted away.

I got to thinking on the way home. I had such a bitter attitude through more than half of our lunch. My circumstances were not bad at all, but I handled them wrongly in my heart. I thought of Matthew. That toast was obviously bitter to his taste, but he handled it with joy. That joy was contagious. It even spread to the table next to us. It made that guy's day- and then I could hear him telling his family about it. I thought, We all get handed bitter situations in life. I guess the important thing really is how we handle them. If I want to be a blessing to others, I should handle those bitter times with joy.

(I got a little video on my phone while at Jason's Deli)

And one more thing: As I left, I put the cracker into my purse, hoping to get his cute little garlic toast face on video once we got home (since my phone camera wasn't very clear)- but he didn't make the bitter face. He actually looked as if he enjoyed the cracker. It reminded me of something Beth Moore said in a video about the little inconveniences and annoyances in our lives. They can seem so bitter at the time and we can handle them in a way that brings us (and everyone around us) down. We soon lose sight of eternity. We lose perspective. But if we handle these situations well, if we look at them through God's eyes, we learn to live with them while praising God. I have come to realize that many of the little irritations in my life are put there to teach me something. They mold my character. They reveal my sin. They may not be caused by God, but they are definitely used by God. Oh, how I long to be changed and shaped- molded and worked out until all of the rough places in my soul are smooth. I suppose that's what sanctification is all about. I've already been saved by God's grace. Now He's working on smoothing out my soul. Garlic toast. Heavenly sandpaper. Whatever you want to call it, as bitter as it is to swallow, I know I need it if I'm to be molded more and more into the image of Christ.

A Blog Per Day Keeps The Therapist Away...

I would love to be a consistent blogger- but even now I'm quickly typing with one eye on the monitor and one eye on the clock (I'm fancy like that), waiting for Courtney to wake up at any minute, rubbing her eyes and asking for cereal. I've thought of several things to write on in the past month, now here I am writing about, well, writing. Strange how that happens, right? I am an outward processor. I've got to get one thought out before I can finish another.

So here it is, the thought for the day: "A blog per day keeps the therapist away." Nothing against therapists here, I was just thinking that if I would take time each day to put my thoughts on cyber paper maybe I could spend less time trying to hash out my thoughts with Barbie and Dora. They look great on TV, but in real life they aren't very good counselors. Barbie just tells me to look my best, and Dora always rattles off something in Spanish about monkeys... too bad I took German in high school! Stay at home moms don't always have the best outlets for processing. We're surrounded by little ears with tender hearts. We don't want to burden our kids with the little worries that sneak up on us through the day- like bills or frizzy hair or the lady at Silver Dollar City who commented on my weight last Saturday... uh, I mean... yup. We don't need to load our kids down with that petty stuff, but we've got to work through it sometime.

We outward processors usually just need a way to get our thoughts OUT. We tend to pray out-loud, even in private. We write. We learn through teaching. We have coffee with girlfriends and discuss our prayer requests for 20 minutes before actually praying... at least I do.

My little princess just woke up. She smells like syrup, which means the pancakes we had for dinner last night are lodged somewhere in her hair... so it's breakfast and bath time and then we're off to Target to find dress shoes for Courtney. It's going to be a good day- because isn't any day good when you get to buy shoes??