Self Sabotage...

Last night I learned an important lesson. The middle of the night is a good time for that! Matthew was wide awake (at 3am- not good). I had already nursed him, re-swaddled him and rocked him. After nothing worked, I finally gave up, placed him in the bed and prayed that God would help him sleep. He wasn't cranky, just-- awake. He rolled over and appeared to be falling asleep. I got tucked into my bed, closed my eyes and heard a cry over the baby monitor. So, I went to pick him up and felt like God said, "Leave him alone, let him learn to self soothe." I remembered that I'd been praying that God would teach him to do this, so I sat down in the rocking chair to watch. Over the next half hour, Matthew tossed and turned, looked around, played with his crib mirror, and successfully shed the swaddle blanket. (Impressive, because he was swaddled pretty tightly.) Then he got quiet. I checked on him, and he was fine. In fact, he had found the pacifier, was on his belly and was gently rubbing his head. HE WAS SELF SOOTHING! I was so excited! Thank You, Jesus, this is just what I was praying for!! I went to bed and heard him rustle a few more times, then went to check on him one last time. He was asleep! I worried that he would wake up, since he wasn't swaddled, but he slept until 8:45 this morning.

So that lesson I learned:
Sometimes I pray for something but then (without even realizing it) I don't let God answer my prayer. In this case, I had been praying for God to teach Matthew how to self-soothe and fall to sleep on his own in the middle of the night. But I kept running to his side every time he'd wake up. I didn't want him to cry, which would result in a tearful three year old in the next room- one who doesn't do well at all when she's wakened before she's ready. But Matthew didn't cry. He wimpered a few times, but that was it.

It made me wonder what other things I've been praying for but haven't allowed God room to move on my behalf. How can I expect God to help me get to a healthy weight if I keep eating marshmallows and cholcolate chips at snacktime? How can I expect God to change my attitude if I dwell on critical thoughts? How can I expect God to reveal Himself to me if I neglect spending time with Him? God is not a magic genie who grants our every wish. He is a loving parent, who asks us to partner with Him on our journey so that we can grow and mature in a real way. That means discipline and tough choices are inevitable. I wonder sometimes if I am my own biggest stumbling block... but I am so thankful for my God- the One who loves me and has the power to change me and set me free. So I leave you with this verse and pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a wonderful way today:

"He must become greater. I must become less" John 3:30.

The haircut...

My little princess got her hair cut today- and I CRIED! I do that a lot... cry. Not because I'm sad or depressed, but because I'm so thankful and I just get overwhelmed at the thought of my little girl growing up. We cut nearly 5 inches off into a little pixie cut. Let me just say, she's ADORABLE! I've wanted to get it done for a while, but she was completely against it. Somehow she was convinced that such an endeavor would turn her into a boy. I tried and tried to convince her otherwise, but to no avail. Then, this morning, as I was combing the knots out again and she was cringing in pain again, I mentioned that a haircut might solve this problem. "Let's get my hair cut!" she yelled, enthusiastically. Then I added, "Your hair will be short- just like DORA'S!!" as a little cherry on top, just to make sure she didn't change her mind.

She waited patiently as I got mine done (long story- my second haircut in two days). As she swiveled in the chair next to me I heard, "Is the hair cutter all through with you yet?" in about 10 different forms. [I find it amazing how children can ask the same question in so many ways, expecting a different answer each time.] Finally it was Courtney's turn. She watched as the first section was cut off- about 5 inches long, 2 inches wide. I saw panic in her eyes. I think the hairdresser did, too, because almost simultaneously we started throwing out the compliments. "Oh, you're going to look so pretty!" and what-not. Courtney ate these up and soon smiled. She said. "Oh, I just LOVE my new haircut!" She giggled and squirmed as the scissors touched her neck. She said they were cold and tickly. When it was over, everyone in the salon told her how beautiful she looked- like a little princess. She gleamed with delight and self-confidence. She was such a big girl, and now, more than ever, she looks like a kid- not a baby. I've noticed her looks changing over the last several weeks, but now it's official. My little girl is no baby. Not anymore.

My future son-in-law...

Collish.
  ... At least, I guess that's how you spell his name. Courtney has been talking about him for a while now. She says she's going to marry him. She's never met the boy, but that's what she calls him. Even this morning she came into the kitchen, gave me a hug and told me in a sing-song, dreamy, Disney Princess voice that one day a boy named Collish was going to come to her house and they were going to "get married together." She loves the thought of marriage. To my little princess, there is nothing more beautiful than her mama's wedding dress. She loves looking at our photos and asking me about that special day when her Daddy and I stood at the altar and promised God that we'd love and take care of each other for the rest of our lives... and then we did something really cool: we gave each other JEWELRY!! A little girl's dream come true!

  One might be puzzled about her obsession with marriage. (Then again, at three years old, isn't everything an obsession?) I'd like to look at it another way. Perhaps the cry in her heart is one that we all have. A cry placed in us by our God. Not to get married, per se, but to be unified in intimacy with our God. (I'm talking relational & emotional, not  the "physical intimacy" we normally associate with marriage).  The Bible calls the Church the "Bride of Christ". In Matthew 9:15, Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom. In John 3:28-29, John the Baptist used the Bride and Bridegroom as a reference for his mandate to prepare the way for Christ. And of course, among many other references of marriage and our relationship to Christ, we find these words in Revelation 19:6-9:

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

  I still don't fully understand what being a part of the Bride of Christ means. I simply know that God loves me. He cherishes me and delights in me as a bridegroom delights in his bride. I believe that godly marriage has more to do with revelation than procreation. Yes, marriage was meant to create a safe environment in which to bear and raise our children, and I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage. But I have also gleaned so much from my marriage to Keith that has taught me about my relationship with God. Here are just a few:

• My relationship with God is unlike my relationship with anyone else. It's special and I must protect and nurture it first and foremost. I'm not always very good at this, but God is forever faithful. One of my favorite books of the Bible is Hosea, because it speaks so powerfully of God's love and desire for His people, even as they chase after other "gods", whether they be actual idols or things like money, power and vanity.

• God knows me better than anyone else on this earth- even better than I know myself. When I trust the One who knows me best, I can enjoy and reciprocate complete honesty and sincere devotion. I don't have to explain myself because God "gets me" like no one else. My husband is my best friend- and he "gets me". I can say one word and he hears the entire sentence I was thinking (most of the time, haha)... how much moreso it is with my Creator!

• The One who loves me most is my Christ. He is also the One who offers me the most sincere, life-giving correction I could ask for. So often I don't see the things that hold me back or hurt me. But God loves me enough to let me know what I should change; and He does this in a loving and tender way... and then He helps me change it!

  There are countless other parallels that I've found beween my marriage and my relationship with God. I have been blessed to have a godly husband who loves me "as Christ loves the church" (Ephesians 5:25 and Colossians 3:19). Our marriage is not perfect, but it's beautiful. We learn from our mistakes and move on. Sometimes I wonder if that's part of Courtney's obsession with marriage: seeing how Keith and I relate to each other? If so, I take that as a high compliment and thank God.

  I am sure several factors are at work here, but one thing is for sure: She is convinced that she will marry a boy named Collish. In fact, she was talking about him just the other day while playing...

 "Mama, I think Collish would like this star."

 [Remembering that Collish is her "future husband" from past conversations]

"Oh really? And who is Collish?"

"Um, he's nobody."

  I wish I had a picture of her face when she said that. It was the classic deer-caught-in-the-headlights look that teenagers get when you say "who was that cute boy you were talking to?" or something along those lines, haha!

  So here's to my future son-in-law. God bless you, "Collish". :) And my prayer today is that my children will realize the love God has for them as the Lover of their Souls. May they find true revelation of God through the paradigm of marriage- whether it be their own (one day) or those that they witness through family and friends; but especially as revealed in the Scriptures.

Play, Pray, Say & Obey...

I've been meaning to update this for some time now. Just before Christmas I started praying about my new year's resolutions. I had a few that were the "same ol' same ol'". You know : lose weight, read more, yadda yadda yadda. Those are great ideas, and I am working on them, but I wanted my "new year's resolutions" to be focused around something that I really really really wanted to work on. Things I can see making a difference in eternity one day... and so I thought about my children. I have been working on a few things with them for the last 3 months or so, but I wanted to put some OOMPH into it, so to speak. So, I took some of my goals from last year and sort of focused them into a short, quick saying that I can remember throughout the day:

Play, Pray, Say & Obey

 PLAY: I want to play with my children. Sounds simple enough, but this one is really hard for me to remember some days. I'm a very task-oriented person. Once I get started on something, it's hard for me to stop... unfortunately, that's not always a good thing. Sometimes I'm task-oriented to a fault- like when I spend an hour on Facebook or when I am so busy taking pictures at the park that I forget to enjoy our time there. I don't mean to, it's just part of my personality. It's a beautiful part of who God made me to be... but I have to learn to use it the way He intended it to be used. So one goal I have this year is to take more time to play with my kiddos. Let that be my task, if I have to think of it that way. I've tried to take time each day for the last few months to play with Courtney in her room. We read, play with dolls, practice letters and so much more. It's been A-mazing! I love playing with my little girl. Not that I never played with her before, but it's just different now- I'm not so distracted by the dishes, the laundry and everything else that calls out for my attention during the day. I've noticed that doing this has caused me to be more playful throughout the day as well- not just during our "playtime". I've also seen her creativity blossom as I've taught her how to make a Barbie doll bed out of an old shoebox and a few washcloths. I decided a while back that I wanted Courtney to remember me in this season of her life as an engaged, present, playful mother. So that's my first goal for the new year: to play.

PRAY: I pray for my kids often, but I want to be more intentional. I want to go beyond the "keep them safe and healthy" prayers and pray more specifically as well. I want to cry out for the will of God in their lives- to pray God's heart- to pray Scripture over them. I want my kids to grow up knowing God intimately- not as a religion, but as a Person. A verse that has been on my heart for several months now is 3 John 4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This is what I want for them- that they would walk in the truth all the days of their lives. The truth of who God is, the truth of who they are in Christ, and the truth of what the Gospel means to those around them.

SAY: This one is pretty simple, too... but also much easier said than done. I want to encourage my kiddos. I feel so much love and delight toward them, but I sometimes forget to put my thoughts into words. I love watching Courtney's face light up when I simply say "I love you". Lately, I've tried to make it clear that she is a blessing to us by telling her, "I am so glad God let me be your mommy!" She giggles with delight, and I am overjoyed because it is the absolute truth. I've tried to encourage her in those cute little quirks, too- you're creative, you're caring, you're exciting & adventurous...haha, even when they look a little strange (some of you may remember the biscuit hanging on the refridgerator). I've even started practicing with Matthew. I know he doesn't understand my words just yet, but he does light up at my tone of voice- and Courtney hears how to encourage others. She often jumps in and says things like, "Oh, Matthew, you're such a cutie baby!"

OBEY: I must obey God. Simple. Hard. Necessary. Life-Giving. If I am to excel in motherhood, wifedom and discipleship, I must obey God. Part of that for me lately has meant getting up at 6am to spend time with Jesus, no matter how many times I had to get up to feed Matthew, take Courtney back to her bed, etc. It has been amazing. I can't put into words how hard and how refreshing it is at the same time. I've noticed a change in my attitude, my level of patience, my self-esteem and my overall outlook on life. The biggest thing for me here is proving to myself that I can get up. I have made excuses for years, trying to fit my quiet time in during the day because I was "too tired" at 6am. Of course, I get through a couple of sentences in my Bible or say a few words in prayer and I'm distracted, getting juice, or cleaning up a mess. I have been so blessed getting up early. It's incredibly peaceful to sit in God's presence and not worry about the kids because I know they're sleeping safely in their beds. It frees up my attention and mind so I can completely focus on God. I can worship freely, study His Word more intently and pray with greater precision.

So there you have it. My new year's resolutions in parenting: Play, Pray, Say & Obey. Of course, I have a few others I'm working on (that last bit of baby weight for example), but this little motto is my focus. It's great because it can also translate into my relationship with my husband :)

 My prayer for 2011 is that God will mold me more into the image of Christ so that I can reflect His glory in a true, life-giving way to those around me.

"For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." ~Romans 8:29

Sneaky Counterfeit Computer Virus...

So, I got a computer virus this morning... or so I thought. I logged in to myspace.com and was instantly given a box that said "There's a big chance your computer might be infected..." I was skeptical, as most credible antivirus programs don't say things like "big chance", so I closed it and was taken to another screen that looked an awful lot like the real thing. It was a virus scan page that said I had 362 Trojan viruses in my C drive and another 63 in my D drive. It had dates and the option to remove them... and I FREAKED OUT!! I called Keith but he didn't answer. After wondering what to do, I finally got my head on straight and decided to look into this a bit closer. Then I noticed a few things:

*There were misspellings throughout the page
*The page ran rampant with bad grammar (kinda like my blog, haha!)
*There was a notification at the bottom telling me I didn't have antivirus software- and that I should "download now" from their site... but I do have antivirus software- hmmm.
*The icons they used looked just a bit off- close, but no cigar.
*Some of the dates used were from almost 2 yrs ago, but we've scanned and cleaned our computer several times since then.

So I tried to look at the page the way I knew Keith would, and then did what I knew he would do: I ran our antivirus software. Yep, the whole "big chance" of infection was just a scam to get me to click on some buttons and download their worms.

As I was running the scan, I thought, "OOOh- that's JUST how the devil does it, too! So sneaky, so sneaky." When the devil is tempting me it is very rarely a "hey, do this bad thing and you'll have fun" prompt. It's usually something so sneaky that I don't even realize it's a lie. For instance, how many times have I been plagued with fear, thinking it was God warning me about something terrible that was about to happen? The Bible says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1John 4:18). God doesn't send fear and terrifying thoughts of my family careening off a bridge into the Arkansas River into my head. The enemy does that.

But so often it's in such a sneaky way. Sometimes I even think, "This is the right thing to do" and it FEELS so right... but it's not. Or sometimes (like this morning) I'm so shocked about the whole thing that I lose my wits and can't discern fact from fiction. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and look at things through God's eyes. That's why I have to be on my guard. That's why I have to be in the Word (God help me, because some days I'm SO LAZY!) That's why I have to train myself to know the difference between what is real and what is a counterfeit truth crafted by Satan to trick me into sin.

I've heard before that FBI agents who deal with counterfeit money don't study the counterfeits. They only study the real thing. They know every inch of a dollar bill and can tell simply by holding it if it's a fake. That's how I want to be about God's truth. I want to be so familiar with God and His Word that I can tell instantly if a thought, a situation, a prompt, etc. is from God or not.

May God give us all a revelation of His truth today, and may we pass that on to our children! I leave you with some of God's truth:

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared." ~Proverbs 3:24-26

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." ~ 1Peter 3:6

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." ~1Peter 5:8

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:37-39

A word of advice...

To All New Mommies and Moms-to-Be, An Open Letter:

TREASURE every second you spend alone in the bathroom (showering or otherwise) because the day is quickly approaching when your sweet little angel will learn how to open the bathroom door.

...and life as you know it will never be the same...

Privacy will become an imaginary trinket; they will run to their bedrooms to search for it, and having finally "found" it within their imaginations, they will insist on bringing it back to you while you hold out your loving, motherly hand from upon your porcelin throne.

Shaving your legs will become a priveledge, as time works against you. And shaving above the knee? A rare and beautiful gift! You will learn to sweetly smile at remarks by your little one such as "Mama, your legs are pokey."

And where your thoughts once wandered aimlessly while the conditioner soaked through your beautiful locks, you will find yourself scrubbing suds, creating a grocery list, praying for an easy transition to nap time and yelling through the shower curtain, "I'll get the animal crackers as soon as I'm done!" Sometimes to no avail... and sometimes to the unwelcome sight of a naked toddler climbing into the shower with you. What happened to their clothes? you wonder... you'll find out soon enough.

Nothing is safe. Nothing is off limits. (Well, it may be off limits, but that doesn't mean it won't be broken or spilled or placed in the toilet.) And locking the door leads only to tantrums or never ending questions such as "Mama, can you see my fingers? Can you see them noooow?" as they poke their little hands under the door.

But the most mysterious part of it all is that most days (most days- not every day) you won't mind much. Motherhood is filled with little inconveniences that can become our greatest memories. . .

But until then, treasure your time alone in the bathroom- and while your conditioner sets and your thoughts are wandering aimlessly, think of us - those of us who have kids tall enough to open the door - and say a little prayer.

Trashin' the TP...

I'm often bewildered by the mind of my 3 year old. The things she says make absolutely no sense to the untrained ear. She acts out of a sweet, princess-driven personality full of sparkles and ponies. I love it! I learn so much from her every day. In particular, my little girl is perfectionistic by nature and often surprises me with little hints to that quirk:

Yes, that is my trash can... full of toilet paper. You see, I've taught Courtney to choose three squares of TP when she goes potty. Until recently I've been there to supervise, but as we've welcomed our son into the world I've been a little, well, detained. Nursing has kept me parked on the couch during many of Courtney's potty runs. She has been left to choose three squares on her own. Unfortunately, she's somewhat obsessive about it; in a cutesie-three-year-old kind of way:)

I secretly watched her one day as she set out to choose the three best squares. First, she counted "One, two three!", but accidently tore off four squares. So, she neatly folded them and placed them in the trash can. Let's try that again: "One, two, three!" This time the second piece tore (just a smidge), so again, into the trash they went. She did this again and again, each time doing her best to choose three perfect squares... and then she got it! Three squares that were all perfect in size with no tears or rough edges! So she carefully and slowly folded the squares. Oops, not quite right. Okay. In the trash. Let's start all over: "One, two, three!" I finally stopped her for fear that we'd run through the whole roll before she was satisfied.

I read a chapter recently on striving for excellence instead of perfection, since true perfection cannot be reached until we get to heaven. It makes me wonder how often I've worked on something in my life, meticulously trying to get it just right, while God watched with a smile thinking, "I'm not looking for perfection here- just do the best you can." How many squares of time, energy and other resources have I thrown into the trash trying to get it perfect?

Hmmm, I'm going to have to think about that all weekend...

My prayer today is that God would give me the grace to be content with my very best instead of wallering in frustration and self-pity at my imperfections.

Sweet Dreams... eventually.

(At our house, chasing sleep is like chasing a bubble... hope it doesn't pop before you catch it!!)

I feel refreshed after a one-hour nap. Courtney is still sleeping. WOO-HOO! You might say... but wait, there's more. the events leading up to the nap were all but celebratory. It took a full two hours to get Courtney to stay in her bed long enough to fall asleep.

I knew she was tired. She got up at 6am (she usually sleeps until about 8:30 am). We had a busy morning- dentist's office, library, lunch. During lunch she yawned repeatedly, her little eyes were red and puffy and she held her head up with one hand while she ate with the other. She was obviously tired. So I prepared her for nap time. I explained what we were going to do. I drew the dark curtains and put her in bed. I put on my PJ's, went back to tuck her in (as I had promised) and then went to my bed. She stayed put for about 15 minutes... and then it began.

Now I have to interject here to say this is all my fault. She inherited sleeplessness from me. Every night my husband falls asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow, while I lie awake for 40 minutes or more, eyes closed tight, still as I can be, hoping to fall to sleep. I know how hard it is for some people to get to sleep , and I pity my princess for that. She's been this way since the day she was born. I remember rocking and holding and nursing her, as she rubbed her little tear-filled eyes but just wouldn't give it up. We did everything we could to "sleep train" her, and it seemed to work for a while; but it seems that now, as she's about to turn 3, we're going to have to do it all again.

For the next 2 hours she was in my room every 10-20 minutes. First she couldn't find a small toy she wanted. Then she wanted to say goodnight again... and so on and so forth. We don't usually have naptime during the day (except on days like today when it's absolutely necessary). However, this battle is a frequent event at bedtime around our house.
This has been going on for over 6 months now. She was sleeping well in her bed at our old house. The transition from crib to big-girl bed was AWESOME. Then we moved, and she slept in the pack and play for about 3 months. When we moved again she went back to the big-girl bed and it's been a nightmare ever since. We've tried dozens of techniques from friends, family and professionals. We've pushed through consistently in each attempt. It seems that when we finally settle on something that works she changes and it no longer phases her. We thought we had it down last week when she went to bed without a fuss almost all week long and then BANG! This week we're back to square one.

Mostly today I'm just venting as I'm tired of the struggle. I don't get it. She's so easy to discipline in every other area of life! It's just this one thing that she can't seem to get down. I asked her once why she didn't want to go to bed and she said (in her broken 2-yr-old language) that she didn't want to be separated from the rest of the family. That makes sense. Time-outs have always been extremely efficient for her because she hates being isolated. Does she just feel isolated at bedtime? We have a routine in place and shower her with love and praise, stories and smiles. Am I missing something here? Or is it just the fact that it takes so long for her to fall to sleep; is she getting bored? Is she getting restless because it's not happening quick enough? I need prayer. I need wisdom. Is this something she'll grow out of, or will we still struggle with her when she's 5,6,7,8? I refuse to throw in the towel on this.

I have a few more ideas up my sleeve that we'll try in the coming weeks. I welcome comments. I welcome prayers. What worked for your troubled-sleeper? How did you survive the greuling task of training your child(ren)? Will I ever get through this?

Warren Buffet

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being." - Warren Buffet

I saw this online today and just had to share. I couldn't believe it! When asked about the best advice he ever received, Warren Buffet spoke of his father's unconditional love- an ACTION- not mere words. For those who don't know, Warren Buffet is an extremely prosperous business man, widely respected by the business and financial communities. He is quite wealthy and by our American culture's standards he is one of the most successful men alive. I find it quite interesting that his greatest advice has nothing to do with stocks or money... but unconditional love.

This is exactly my point for this blog: "Mama is a verb". Being a great parent isn't about shelling out advice at every turn, although we feel we have plenty to give! It's about living the advice we give our children. It's about being a great example, even through our mistakes. Great parenthood is rooted in unconditional love.

I'm reading a book with a group of awesome ladies right now called "Parenting the Way God Parents" by Katherine Koonce. She writes of how God's method of parenting is the perfect example for us as parents. Who better to look to for unconditional love than God Himself, who by definition in 1 John 4:16 "IS LOVE"? We see that love throughout scripture. I've seen it throughout my life in the way God deals with me. I don't know where Warren Buffet stands with God, but he has learned an important lesson that I believe God wants us all to learn: when we love our children unconditionally, as God loves us unconditionally, "it's going to make for a better human being," and not just our kids, but us, our communities, and our nation as well.

You can see the video here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100708/bs_yblog_upshot/buffett-recounts-the-best-advice-hes-ever-received

Sowing with a Cheerful Heart

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:6-8

I've read this verse a hundred times, but this morning it hit me in a new way. I thought of it in the context of my life right now. I am a stay-at-home mom, 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, with an energetic daughter who will be 3 at the end of the month.

Lately, everyday tasks have become difficult for me (physically). I have a tough time walking from the car into the grocery store. I am exhausted after vacuuming just one room. Bending over to pick up toys or bits of macaroni & cheese after lunch... well, let's just say it's not the easiest thing to do! Even playing with Courtney has become a challenge. I have been somewhat discouraged at times because I feel as if I can't do anything that I want to do- at least not to the fullness that I hope for. Sometimes I feel like I can't physically give 100% to my family. My heart is in it, but I just can't seem to get all the laundry done or play the way I used to. As a task-oriented person, this is really tough for me. And then I read this verse.

I realized that sowing generously isn't just about the practical things I do, like laundry or running errands. Sowing includes the prayers I pray, the time I spend encouraging my family, and the emotional, mental and spiritual effort I exert in taking care of them. For some of you this is just common sense. For me, a task-oriented, results-seeking, evaluation-motivated person, well, it's a little tougher.

The question is not "Am I an abundant giver at this point in my life?" but "Am I a cheerful giver at this point in my life?" Some days more than others, I have to admit.

Now, I believe that abundant giving will spring from cheerful giving- don't get me wrong here... but it's difficult for me to give physically in abundance at this point. I can, however, still give cheerfully. I can (as I tell Courtney a thousand times every day) "keep a  happy heart" while I do one load of laundry, instead of grumbling that I didn't get all 3 loads done. I can cheerfully unload the dishwasher. I can cheerfully watch my little girl dance in the living room. I can cheerfully... well, you get the point. It's all in my heart-attitude.

And then there's the last part of this scripture: "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." (v.8) God gives me grace. He showers me with grace and everything that I need so that I may abound in every good thing that He asks me to do. It's easy to feel like I'm just surviving through these last few weeks of pregnancy, but that's not God's plan for me. He came so I may have abundant life (John 10:10). Webster defines abundance as "marked by great plenty" or "amply supplied". I realized this morning that I really do have all that I need to glorify God. I just have to let Him reshape my thinking. For some reason I have in my mind a list of things I can do to glorify God. Most of those things aren't physically possible right now. So I'm left asking God, "What now? What can I do?" And I feel like God is replying: "Don't ask 'what can I do,' but rather, 'what can I be?'" I can be like Christ. I can be an attentive mom. I can be a supportive wife. I can be a good friend. Those things don't require a mile long to-do list. They simply require a cheerful heart and lots of grace.

Little Robes

I was reading in 1 Samuel yesterday and a particular verse caught my attention. It is probably one of the sweetest verses I've ever read about a mother and her son. Hannah had given Samuel over to the Lord at a young age. She prayed desperately for this child, and when God gave him to her she surrendered him, allowing him to stay with Eli, the priest, so that he could enter the priesthood. She would go up to see him every year at the time of the sacrifice. From a young age, Samuel learned what it meant to minister before God. The Bible says:

"But Samuel was ministering before the LORD -a boy wearing a linen ephod. Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice." (1 Samuel 2:18-19)

I can just imagine young Samuel wearing the ephod- a special garment that was reserved for priests alone. I wondered if he wore a full sized one- did it nearly touch the floor? or did he have a special one that was just his size? I'm sure a Bible scholar somewhere could answer that for me. But what struck me about these verses was this: "Each year his mother made him a little robe..." How sweet! I just can't get over that!

Hannah not only surrendered her son to God, allowing him to fulfill his calling in life, but she supported him in it. Her support was tangible. She used her talents and abilities to help her son along as he learned all of the ins and outs of his ministry. I am sure that Samuel could have found a robe in his size where he was- surely there were robe makers. But his mother still labored away to make him a little robe each year.

This scripture triggered something in my heart. I'm still processing through it- I am an outward processor, so much of what I write here will be just that... my mind and heart trying to process what I'm feeling. Back to the point. Something was triggered. I don't know what God has in store for my children yet. I haven't even met Matthew face to face, much less any other kiddos we might have. I do know, however, that Jeremiah 29:11 holds true for each of them: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; to give you a future and a hope.'" God has a plan for each of them. It is my job as a mother to "make little robes" per se. Let me explain.

As a mother, I should be covering my children, just as a robe covered Samuel. I must cover them in prayer, cover them in love and cover them with sound doctrine and good teaching. Also, I believe I must look for ways to tangibly support my children in their callings. Not everyone knows their calling in life as early as Samuel. Hey, some of us moms are still trying to figure it out! But as mothers we often see God-given potential in our kids. We might see that they connect well with the elderly, that they have a heart for the weakest kid on the playground, or that they simply love to share life with everyone they meet. My question is, "How can I tangibly help my child learn how to minister to God's people?" Can I buy Capri Sun's and help her pass them out on a hot day at the playground? Can I take her to a nursing home to pass out candy? Could I encourage her to befriend the kid who sits invisibly while others play tag?

This doesn't come easily. If we are to support our children as they fulfill God's calling in their lives, it will mean sacrifice on our parts. We must allow ourselves to be stretched; to get out of our comfort zones. I remember a pastor's story once about his children. They were in the car and saw a homeless man sitting by the street. The kids said something to the effect of "Daddy, let's go pray for that man and tell him about Jesus." The pastor was in a hurry and didn't want to stop, but knew that if he kept driving it would teach his children the wrong lesson. So, they turned around, told the man about Jesus and prayed with him. The pastor learned that day that if he wanted to teach his kids to follow Jesus whole-heartedly, then he would have to get out of his comfort zone (and his convenience-zone) to show them how to do it.

We must, like Hannah, let go. As she states in 1 Samuel 1:27-28a, "'I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.'"

What a tough but rewarding task! To make a little robe; to support our children tangibly with whatever talents and resources God has given us! I am not saying it's easy, or that it should be. I'm also not claiming to be an expert. Don't get me wrong. These are thoughts I'm processing, not lessons I have mastered. My prayer is that God will help us moms to support our children in the things God has called them to do, whether it be something simple, like helping them pray for a friend or something more heart-wrenching like eventually watching them move overseas as a foreign missionary. Dr. James Dobson says that parenthood is not for the faint-of-heart. He's so right. It is a long, painful, joyous journey out of selfishness.

Fishy Fun

I woke up this morning with no plan. No schedule. No idea how I would keep a toddler happy and busy for hours on end. As I walked to the refridgerator to get the milk for our cereal, I spotted a community calendar and was reminded of our public library's preschool story time. So, after breakfast we got dressed and headed out.

Courtney sat down with the other children in the preschool room and listened intently as the librarian read story after story about fish. They sang songs and danced fishy dances, then headed out to a cluster of tables to work on a fishy craft. Courtney had a blast sticking sequins to a paper fish, and after a quick trip to the sink to wash the glitter glue from her hands, we headed home. I felt a little sad at the idea of ending such a fun time. What would we do for the rest of our afternoon?

I had a plan. We headed home and had a fishy lunch: grilled cheese sandwiches (cut out like fish, thanks to a large cookie cutter), goldfish, and a movie- Finding Nemo. Courtney had so much fun cutting out the bread shapes and watching the movie. The fishy theme carried on and worked great! It kept her busy... at least until she decided she was finished playing fish and was ready to play Cinderella!

I am a firm believer in the statement, "Fun is what you make of it." I strive to find ways to make everyday life a little more fun for Courtney and me. I want her to learn that fun is all in our attitudes. It's the little things we do that make life more interesting. For instance, when we have pancakes, I mix up the batter and then pour tiny toddler-size portions into measuring cups. With just a few drops of food coloring, we make "rainbow pancakes".  Courtney LOVES them! It's the same with the fishy themed lunch & movie. It took very little effort to put together something special for my kiddo.

My blog title, "Mama is a verb" is very important to me. It reminds me every time I log on that motherhood is more than just feeding and clothing a child. It's an action word. It's about doing, not just being. Now,  I understand that many of you have more than one child. You may be thinking, "Oh, great- you say that now: DO a little more, but what about all that I already do? You only have one child. It's easy when you just have one!" I'm sure you're right. I won't know for a few more months what it's like to make rainbow pancakes for two kids, one of which may not like pancakes at all.

The fact still remains, no matter how many children you have, fun is what you make of it. One child or five. It's the little things we do each day that make a difference in their attitudes, their lives and their perception of the world around them. If you are scraping for ideas to keep your toddler busy, I recommend "The Toddler's Busy Book" by Trish Kuffner. It's full of games, crafts, songs and recipes that are perfect for little ones. Adapt the ideas to your child(ren). Make life more fun for your family. It doesn't have to be expensive or take months of planning. Try starting small. Take a nature walk. Sing a silly song. Get out the cookie cutters and go to town on your favorite recipe.

We reap what we sow in our childrens' lives. Every day I have to stop and ask myself what I'm sowing. What am I teaching her? It's so tempting to sit my child down in front of Dora for the afternoon, but it seems that on days like today- when I put in a little extra effort- she tends to play more, imagine more and smile more. Her creativity blossoms and she has a better day. Hopefully, by the little things I do I'm teaching her that she has the ability to keep boredom at bay and that ultimately "Fun is what you make of it."

Pink Vengeance

**This post was taken from our family blog and dated Feb 11, 2008. I thought it would be great as my first post on Mama is a Verb because I feel it captures the frustrations of a new mom so well. Enjoy a story from my past!**

New babies are often mistaken in regards to their gender. Short hair and rounded features make it hard to distinguish little girls from boys. We new moms try our best to let the world know that our little girls are girls and our little boys are boys... sometimes to no avail.

I constantly hear comments like, "Oh what a cute little boy!" and "Aw, he's so cute. How old is your little man?" I have resolved to ignore such comments, as I understand how hard it can be to tell the difference between babies' genders... but at times I am still dumb-struck at how inobservant some people can be.

For instance, today Courtney and I were at Wal-Mart. She was dressed in pink, with a pink blanket, a pink pacifer, and a purple doll. A well-meaning older lady approached us, smiled, and said, "Oh, well, now that must be a little boy. He's so cute!"

"Yes, mam," I replied through clenched teeth, "thank you."

I didn't want to correct her- she was a sweet older lady, and I know she didn't mean anything by it. Besides, a man made the same mistake at the gym this morning. I hear that sort of thing all the time. I know it's partly my fault for dressing Courtney in little brown pants or green shirts... still feminine when you look up close, but easily mistaken for "boy clothes" from a distance. But why should she be forced to wear pink every day just so the world can be assured of her femininity? Besides, as illustrated by our experience in Wal-Mart this morning, pink doesn't always work.

I guess I let it get to me today. Most days I can let these comments go, but today I had had enough. I found myself shopping online for the pinkest of all pink frilly shirts I could find on Oldnavy.com. My vendeta grew personal when we got home. I dressed Courtney in the pinkest, frilliest, most GIRLY dress I could find, put a pink bow in her hair, and took several pictures to post on our blog.

"This will teach em!" I thought. "Now the WHOLE WORLD will know she's a girl! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!"

Time out: What was I thinking?

So I took the pictures. I got several cute shots, but for all the wrong reasons. I think Courtney must have picked up on my attitude, because the more pictures we took the more she protested, until finally she pulled down my PINK backdrop, tore off her PINK shoes, and fussed until her face turned PINK. Of course, the mom in me took over and I picked her up. I helped her shed the frills and I put her back in her little onesie (which, go figure, was also pink...).

Keith walked in the door and I all of a sudden realized how ridiculous I was acting. By the time I realized my motivation behind the little shopping spree & high-glam photo shoot, her new, PINK, trendy clothes were already on the way; and I had given Courtney everything she needed to fuel a few nightmares about being chased by ribbon, lace and pink frills.

Why did I think I had to PROVE to the world that my daughter was, in fact, a little girl? Who cares? So I heard a few uninformed comments this week... no big deal. I couldn't believe I let myself get so worked up about something so insignificant... again. Courtney was oblivious to each and every comment, but was still subjected to mommy's little passive-aggressive tantrum. I learned something important from this experience: What Courtney doesn't know won't hurt her... but what Mommy doesn't know is that sometimes she can act like an overly-emotional doofus.