Oxygen...

Sunday evening, as my family and I drove to church, our four year old asked her Daddy, "Why are there trees in the world?" My husband went on to explain the real reason there are trees. Wow! I thought. I would have just said "so the animals have a place to live" or "so we can have shade" just to avoid an endless exchange after a long day... way to go Honey! That's why I love him! She listened carefully as he explained that people breathe in oxygen and breath out carbon dioxide. Trees, in return, breathe in the carbon dioxide and breathe out new oxygen. That way we don't run out of air to breathe. (Simple.) She had that look on her face- the blank stare that makes you wonder if it's going in one ear and out the other. We arrived at church and went inside, checked the kids in and found our seats.

Two hours later, my hubs and I had almost forgotten about the oxygen lecture. We picked up the kids from the nursery and headed to the car, calling after our daughter to slow down and stay with us, as usual. When we arrived at the car, she ran over to the nearest tree and started blowing on it- then she took a deep breath. "What is she doing??" I asked my husband. He looked over and we both realized that she was breathing! She had leaned close to the tree to blow her carbon dioxide onto it and then took a deep breath to receive its new oxygen! It was hilarious and cute and smart and silly and just downright adorable!

I love how literally our children perceive the world. It's all black and white for them. There is no grey. They are excited about everything and want to experience it all. The funny thing is that we had just been learning in church that evening about our Source of Life- Jesus. About how we need to lean into Him and stay connected to Him to enjoy the life and freedom He came to give us. Just like how my daughter leaned into the tree (her source of oxygen).

The Kingdom of God is like... a child who leaned close to a tree to take a breath. There was oxygen all around her, so she could have breathed at any place in the parking lot, but she chose to focus on, and lean in toward the source of that oxygen with childlike faith.

Boring Old Grown-Up Stuff...

 Someone told me once that the "Little Years" were filled with very long days and short years. I'm not sure how that works, but I've found it to be true. There are days I think the crushed Cheerios and sippy cups in the TV cabinet (how long has THAT been there???) will never end, but somehow my oldest is 4 and my youngest will be one in just over a week. What happened? Time flew by and I hardly noticed. I have got to pay more attention, or I'm going to miss it!

I feel as though I've done better lately. I've tried to focus on my children more during the day: playing, conversing, teaching and enjoying them. Of course, with my task-oriented personality I still find myself chiseling away at my to-do list, telling them (what seems like one hundred times per day), "I can't (fun childish activity), because I have to (boring old grown-up stuff)." Lately, however, I've been working on finding ways to get my list done and hang out with my kids. My oldest is 4 now, so she can help with laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, and a few other things. I've also started taking short breaks between chores. We dance, we play, we make the chores a game (most days). This may sound like common sense to some, but to those of us who are "I've got a job to do- I've got to get it done now- no one had better get in my way!" type people, it's a completely foreign concept.

And do you know what? It's amazing what has happened. I've really come to enjoy my kids more. Since rearranging my priorities, I've come to welcome a playful interruption during chore time instead of feeling frustrated that "I can never get anything done around here- BLAH!." Truth is, when my kids are happy I get MORE done (and faster!). It gives me time to invest in two of the greatest relationships I will ever have. These years go by too quickly to waste time on windows and floors. Don't get me wrong- I'm not saying that you should forsake responsibility and pretend the housekeeping fairy is hard at work as you give piggy-back rides through the Laundry Forest- well, actually, that second part's not such a bad idea.

What I'm trying to say is: have fun today. Play with your kids. Turn the "boring, old grown-up stuff" into something enjoyable. You may just need it even more than they do! So, if you must go through the Laundry Forest, slay the Dingy Dragon, gather the pixie dust that spilled all over the bookcases, or climb to the top of Mt. Dishy, then do it in style! Make it count. Give your kids a new perspective on chores. It's all about the little things- because what's little in our giant, grown-up eyes is HUGE in the eyes of a preschooler. Don't underestimate the power of your attitude today, whatever is on your to-do list. And don't underestimate the power of God's love that can cover a multitude of sins. Let today be a new day- and just have fun.

Say WHAT?!?

Barking. Barking. Barking. All night. Just yesterday I was thinking to myself: I hardly notice that I have new neighbors. This may turn out well after all! Our previous neighbors kept to themselves and were nice people, but their teenagers loved to play basketball until midnight or later several nights per week. As I lay in bed I winced with every "thunk. thunk. thunk. (pause) THUNK!" After three or four weeks we got used to it and could sleep again- with the fan on. They moved out a few weeks ago, so we've been used to the dead quiet at night. No porch lights blaring through the window, no thunks, no late-night BBQ's, no cars driving in and out at all hours of the night. Even my 11 month old has been sleeping soundly. It was wonderful...

Our new neighbors are also quite nice, very quiet and keep to themselves. Unfortunately, their dogs are not as considerate. There are several dogs in the back yard who are trying to get used to all of the new smells and sounds of a new neighborhood- so they bark. All night long. I completely understand, but *yawn!* all of that is just a rant to say "I'm TIRED."

So, naturally, I went to Walmart today. I should have known better, since having almost no sleep last night, but I was out of milk. I made a list and stuck to it, so I did well- but I didn't have my "mom edge" today. You know what I mean- that part of your brain that is ready to launch a full force assault on fits, answer questions with superb wisdom that is worded in such a way as to stifle any "why" questions that may ensue, and, of course, that part of your brain that guards your thoughts from drifting into La-La-Land so that you're 100% on your toes and ready to deal with anything that comes your way. Yeah, I didn't have it today.

So there we were in the dairy section, browsing cheese. Hmmm. Cheddar. That's it. Sharp? Mild? Extra Sharp?? Who makes up this stuff? Whatever happened to just cheese? *sigh* I'm tired. We passed a teenager stocking the shelves and my recently-turned 4 yr old laughs out loud like she's at a comedy club, points and yells "HahahaHAA!! That guy has a ROOSTER TAIL on his head!!" *Blush* Maybe he didn't hear? She said it again. And, yes, one more time. For those of you who don't know, a rooster tail is a cowlick gone bad (at least, it is in our house). I'm still not sure if he knew he was the victim of her verbal outburst, but I didn't want to take any chances. I bolted out of there with cheese in hand as fast as I could. At least it wasn't as bad as what she said in the produce section. I sighed to myself.

What did she say in the produce section?

This is where I should have had my guard up. This is where I needed my "mom edge". There I was, looking at strawberries, checking prices and (I'll confess) looking over the hill into La-La-Land, thinking how nice it must be there... no responsibility, no list, just hanging out (maybe napping a bit)... when the question came loudly over the shopping cart. "Mama, what kind of panties are you wearing?" What? Did she just ask me- huh?- Did they hear that? Oh, they did. They're smiling at me. They're looking at her. "Mama! I said, 'What kind of PANTIES are you wearing?'!" I didn't answer. I was so embarrassed as the lady next to me turned and did one of those laughs out of the side of her mouth- you know, the kind that you try to hold in so you just end up spitting all over yourself? Time stood still as she asked me once more, even louder: "MAMA! WHAT KIND OF PANTIES ARE YOU WEARING???"

I regained my composure, wiped the shock off of my face and quietly whispered why that question is inappropriate, etc., etc., etc. Needless to say, I cut my time in the produce section short, quickly pushing the basket into the bread isle as I fought the "why" of it all. "Why is that question not okay? Why is it called 'in public'? Why won't you tell me? I'm wearing Dora..." Truth is, I couldn't have even told her if I wanted to. I don't remember. I was too tired to notice this morning after being up all night with the neighbor's dogs. On any other day I could have seen it coming. I could have nipped it in the bud, so to speak. I could have, well, you get the point.

So there's no moral to the story today- at least not one that I can glean except "Don't take your kids out in public when you're tired." If you can extract a lesson from this story, I'd love to hear it... when I wake up.

Mr. Gumball...

     "AHHH! Mr. Gumball is here!" I quickly surveyed the mall playground as my three year old clung to my leg in serious angst. A small head of thick, dark hair bounced behind the plastic turtle. When the owner of the little head popped up, I recognized him immediately.

     A few days before, he had terrorized the playground with his rough-housing and tackling. Let me interject here to say that he was just being a 2 (or maybe 3) yr old boy. Boys play rough. They wrestle. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way he played earlier in the week- except that nearly all of the other children on the playground were frilly Princesses. The Princesses had decided as a group that they should be afraid of him, and he rose up to the occasion. Their screams urged him to growl like a monster. Their running brought on chasing. You get the point.

     As the young boy scared the poor Princesses, a girl began to pick on her little brother, calling him "Mr. Gumball." I have no idea where it came from, but it seemed to really get under his skin. (NOTE: Mr. Gumball was not the boy running amuck amongst the Princesses.) Of course, the girl's mother told her to stop, but she kept taunting. Somewhere in the chaos, Courtney assumed the small monster boy's name was Mr. Gumball- and, so, we come to our encounter with "Mr. Gumball' at the playground today.

     I encouraged her to play. She reluctantly ran around the playground with one eye on the slide and one eye on Mr. Gumball. He was at his rough antics again- only this time he had several boys to play with. He obviously made her nervous, so I asked if she wanted to leave. She quickly put on her shoes and headed for the exit. I started to put Matthew into the stroller and turned to see where she was. Mr.Gumball had her by the arm and was trying to pull her back into the playground to play. She jerked away and ran to me, almost in tears. We started walking away. The quicker, the better! I thought. I knew that if we stayed much longer I would surely have a meltdown on my hands.

     As we walked, I listened as Courtney played out a hypothetical conflict to herself. "If Mr. Gumball comes up to me, I just tell him, 'NO!NO! Mr.Gumball! Go AWAY!!' Then he will just GO AWAY and I can play. And if he comes up again..." and so it went on and on. What she'd do if she ran into him again. He'd better watch his back. He'd be sorry. She'd give him a piece of her mind...

     I laughed quietly to myself (because if I had laughed out loud I would have had to explain why I was laughing- and who wants that when we're all tired and hungry?). I couldn't help but think of how often I've done the exact same thing: "Oh, if that guy were to stop and get out of his car, he'd be sorry he ever cut me off! I'd tell him a thing or two!" Or, "If she ever says something like that again I'll punch her in the nose!" Of course, when those situations come up I rarely actually execute my plan. It made me wonder what she'll actually do if Mr. Gumball comes back to the playground? Will she stand up and tell him no? Band with the other Princesses in fear? Start a little Princess riot and conquer the playground for Princesses everywhere? Or will we just happen to go shopping as soon as he enters? I suppose we'll find out soon enough!

Mama Magic...

     "God gave Mamas the ability to know what their kids are doing, even when they aren't watching their kids." I watched my 3 yr old's face go from dumbfounded to amazed in a matter of seconds as she realized the truth in this statement.

Then she made her way to time-out for jumping on the couches while I was in the laundry room.  

  

     How did I know? Mama Magic... and the fact that she was grinning from ear to ear, sitting quietly on the couch with the pillows and throws all out of sorts. I know her. I know her so well, in fact, that I saw the I'm going to jump! look on her face as I headed out of the living room. Amazing, isn't it?

     I am often in awe of the abilities God gives us Mamas. For instance, somehow I seem to know the sound of every little thing in my house. I can't remember where I left my keys, but I distinctly remember the sound of little hands opening the pantry door. If you were at my house and we heard a large crash, I could tell you with certainty whether it was the bookshelf, the Barbie toys, the closet rod or the shoe basket. I can tell what part of the hallway the baby is in by the way his hand sounds as he taps the wall. Incredible! I could even tell you if my daughter is searching for string cheese, grapes or yogurt, simply by the way she's standing in front of the refridgerator.

     We Mamas are great at predictions, too. We just know things.  We know what our kids will ask, even before they ask it. We can predict (down to a second) when a meltdown is going to occur. God has even given Mamas the ability to know at what point to tell the oldest we've got 5 minutes before leaving the playground because the youngest is about to dirty his diaper (ok, so that one's not so hard to figure out). Still, it's absolutely amazing! It's all part of the package for a mom, but still VERY mysterious. 

     The greatest Mama Magic that I've ever had the pleasure to witness came from my own mother when my brothers and I were teenagers. I remember it like it was yesterday: My younger brother is a meat guy. Hey, he's from Texas. Meat and Dr. Pepper all the way. One summer day, while our parents were at work, my brother decided to pull out a pot roast from the fridge and cook it for lunch. Pan-fry it, if I remember correctly. I told him to put it back, but you can imagine how that went over. I gave up and went back to watching TV... a few minutes later the phone rang. I answered and heard my mom say, "Tell your brother to put the pot roast back in the refridgerator. I'm saving it for dinner!" How did she do that?!? I may never know. Mama Magic is all I can say.

     If you're a mom to be, get ready! Within hours of holding that little one in your arms your senses will power-up to Ninja level. (You may not notice this, however, until you start sleeping through the night again.) If you're a mom already, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I encourage you to hone in to your gift and use it wisely. Use it often. Keep it mysterious. If you are a child, well, good luck getting past your Mama with that stunt. Just remember: even if she doesn't "catch" you, she knows what you did.

     Wow, God, You really knew what You were doing when You gave Mamas eyes in the backs of our heads-Thanks for the Mama Magic. We couldn't do it without You!!

Couponing Conundrum...

          My first big couponing trip. More like an excursion! Oh, I've used coupons before, shopped sales and what-not. I usually end up saving about $3 or so and feel pretty good about it, but then I think, $3.00? Really? Is it even worth all of that time and effort for $3.00?!?

          But this time was different! This time I went in with a mission (sort of). I went in with more coupons than I could possibly use. I went in head first. I went in... blind.

          First, I printed the coupons. I am part of a group on Facebook called "Chicken Little". It is amazing- full of info on how to get coupons, free stuff, etc. It's a great resource if you need a few tips on saving money. I found several coupon sites through Chicken Little and went to printing... and printing... and printing.

          I think I downloaded 4 different coupon printers! I also went online check out some weekly ads and sales. I was pleased to find that some sites also had online coupons! SCORE! I was so excited that I failed to execute the most important element of couponing: planning.

          What? Me? Forget to PLAN? Yep. I thought I planned well, but I had no idea how complicated couponing can be! I thought, "I'll use these coupons at this store and get that free and double this here" and what-not, but I failed to put my plan on paper- which meant walking into a store with a purse full of coupons and no clue as to what I was doing.

There's something about shopping with kids in your cart that causes your brain to stop working the moment you walk through those automatic doors...

So the first store: Walgreens. I was epecially excited because I had read through the weekly ad and found the soap I use on sale. Not only was it on sale, but if I got three of them, Walgreens would give me $6 in Register Rewards, which I could use on my next purchase. YES! If I played my cards right I could get my toothpaste and cereal for free! (I had coupons for those, too!) Unfortunately, I was distracted by my three year old begging for suckers and dancing around the shopping cart, so I forgot to purchase my soap first and then use a seperate transaction to pay for the rest of my goodies with the Register Rewards... bummer. But I can use the Register Rewards on another trip- and I still saved a ton! (I'll tell you how much later)


Second store: Target. I had Target-only coupons that I printed off their website. This store was a little tough because I was so distracted by all of the cute summer clothes on sale for kids! (Of course, this had to be the month I told my husband "Don't budget much for clothes- I don't plan on getting anything."- grrr.) Oh well, back to the point: Target is tricky! The coupons were great, but I kept asking myself, "Is this cheaper at Target with a coupon, or at Walmart with no coupon??" For instance: At Target I was able to get a free Jello mix if I bought three- At $1.25 a pop, I spent $3.75 and saved $1.25. At Walmart they're only $0.90 a box, so for four boxes I would have spent $3.60- so I spent $0.15 more at Target with a coupon than I would have at Walmart without a coupon... a learning experience to say the least. However, I did get great deals on BBQ sauce and several other items and ended up saving some money after all!


Third store (yes, I'm crazy like that- and yes, I had both kids with me): Walmart. By this point I was feeling a bit tired and somewhat discouraged. I had saved money, but I wasn't sure how much- and I really wasn't sure if I'd walk into Walmart and discover that I'd spent more than I should have. As I walked through the store I glanced at prices and checked my receipts from the other stores- I really DID save some money! (Aside from the Jello, of course.) I was especially pleased to find that the soap I bought at Walgreens would have cost me $4 more at Walmart- and I wouldn't have received the $6 coupon... so a $10 gain there! Of course, once I hit Walmart I realized that I didn't just need milk and juice after all- so I ended up filling my cart full of things I forgot I needed: baby food, fruit, etc.- alongside all the things I had coupons for... so I spent way more than I originally intended.

          The whole way home I kicked myself for spending so much. Not that it was "alot" per se, but since it was May 31, I went over the last bit of our grocery budget. If I had shopped on June 1, when the budget was full, I wouldn't have cared at all- yeah, I'm kind of weird like that. I'm working on it:)

So the coupon conundrum: Is it worth it to spend all of the time and energy on cutting out tiny pieces of paper and shopping at several stores, just to save a few bucks? Let's find out:

          At home, I pulled out the receipts and did the math. Overall I used 12 coupons and took advantage of several in-store deals. When I added up my savings, they totalled $30.82! not to mention I got a $6 coupon for my next trip to Walgreens. So, for an hour of coupon printing/sorting I gained $36 in savings... not bad! I did, however learn a few lessons along the way that I'd like to share:

1) If at all possible, leave the kids at home! Need I say more?

2) Go in with a real plan. "Proper prior planning prevents poor performance," Jeannie McGinnis used to say. I agree. Next time I will make a detailed shopping list and put a little * or something by the things I have coupons for.

3) Cut out the coupons BEFORE you go. I thought, "Hey, they're all on a single sheet of paper- easy to carry & sort through- awesome!" But they were such a pain to hold on to and tear apart once I got into the store. Next time I'll definitely cut them out and organize them before I head out.

4) Know what you spend. It would have been such a great help to know how much Jello costs at Walmart before I spent the money at Target just because I had a coupon. From now on I'm going to pay more attention to my costs so I can know for sure if I'm getting a good deal.

5) Have fun! Toward the end, my attitude started turning downhill. I forgot all about how much I was saving because of the stupid Jello. Next time I'll keep a better check on my attitude. Maybe then I won't get so upset when my three year old spills sprite all over the back seat... yep.

The Princess Years...

       "I want to stay with you forEVER!" I hear it every day. I hear it all day. My three year old is stuck on me like glue lately. I must admit, I'm flattered and loving every minute of it... well, almost every minute... except when I go to take a shower, need a few minutes to think or when I just plain want two minutes of quiet after hours of answering the question of the century: why?

I don't know why. That's just the way it is. Because if you eat them you'll get sick. Because there are tiny little germs on them. Well, because there are germs on everything. Yes, bad germs. No, not on that. Those are good germs. The difference? What's a germ? It's an, um... Let's just Google it.

       But then sometimes I wish she could stay with me forever- and stay little forever. I can hardly believe she'll be four in two months. I didn't see it coming. This evening we sat outside in the spring breeze talking about princesses and dresses and castles while I made a crown from clover flowers. When I put it on her head I was taken aback at her beauty and innocence. She's such a beautiful person- inside and out. She is compassionate, inquisitive, kind, spontaneous, imaginative, creative, bold, funny as all get-out, intelligent, passionate, peaceable (most of the time), and so much more. If she were to stay three- and if she were to stay with me forever- I would be robbing the world of a rare jewel. So I suppose I'll let her grow up, slowly. And in the mean time I'll continue to take hundreds of pictures to help me remember these sweet, day-dreaming princess years with her red, sparkly Fancy Nancy shoes, the tutus, the crazy morning hair and the sweet joy that comes over her face every time she discovers a new freckle.

      

God is Bigger...

"Daddy has no fear because he's big. He's bigger than you!" My 3 yr old's words brought laughter to us last night. I'm not sure where they came from or what she was thinking about. I suppose it had something to do with the thunder we could hear outside? As I'm sitting here now I can't help but think that those same words apply to me in a greater sense. God is my father- my Daddy. The Bible says, "And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, 'Abba, Father.'” (Galatians 4:6) The word "Abba" means "Daddy" or "Papa". It's a very intimate word- with the same context as my little girl would use to call out for her daddy.

From time to time I get caught up in fear. Fear of sudden disaster, fear of failure, fear of what people think; you name it, I've dealt with it. I am a natural planner, which means I also have a tendency to worry. Even today, as I filled out my daughter's pre-K application, I was hit with fear. Worry. What-if's. One question had to do with the applicant's disposition, especially as marked by temper tantrums. My daughter is three. She throws fits. We deal with them at home, but I started worrying about how she may act when the teacher tells her to put the glitter away- will she throw a fit? Throw the glitter? Be kicked out of pre-K? All fear-related questions. All me-focused questions, spiraling out of control. All silly thoughts that, if I were to take a step back, I would dismiss immediately.

In 1999, my best friend died in a car accident. I was supposed to have been in the car that day, as she had invited me several times. The thought that I could have been in the accident scared me. I was also two weeks away from moving out of my parents' house to head off into the great unknown: college. On top of that, I was studying for my driver's license exam and terrified of failing the parallel parking portion! I was an insecure 18 yr old worry-wart, drowning in a sea of fear and panic. I met with our pastor's wife, a school counselor at the time. She led me through an incredibly scary and successful exercise: the what-if game. I had two minutes to write down all of my fears. Then we talked about each one. What would happen if I really did have a car accident like Erin? What if I never made a single friend in college? What if I failed all of my classes and lost my scholarships? As we talked through each one, I started to see a trend... my answer to all of these fears had one thing in common: JESUS. Jesus is the ultimate Friend and would guide me in making friends at school. Jesus would protect me and, if I were to die young, He would welcome me into Heaven. Jesus would be there for me. Jesus would provide. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I was shown verses in the Bible that clearly stated His promises- and I've watched Him prove Himself faithful to me ever since.

I use that exercise even now, 12 years later. What if my hair looks stupid on picture day? What if I forget to pay a bill? What if the car breaks down? What if I lose a child? Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. From the serious to the silly, Jesus is the answer to all of my fear. His love for me fuels my confidence in Him.

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first." 1 John 4:16-19


 My heavenly Daddy- God - is bigger than me. He has no fear. Jesus never said "I fear..." in the Bible. He said "I AM."

Garlic Toast...

Keith and I give each other what you might call an "allowance". It's fun money- to buy things we need or want through the week that aren't groceries, gas or bills. I tend to use mine to take the kids out to eat for lunch or to buy ice cream or some other treat. Today it was Jason's Deli.

We love Jason's Deli. Courtney loves it because of the soft serve ice cream machine. Today I went in with a plan. Simple. Masterful. Awesome. It went something like this: "I will order something that takes 5 or more minutes to make. That way I can get my drink, get the kids' muffins, straws, extra spoons and everything else, find a table and get seated just in time for them to find my little red #63 and bring a tray of goodness to us." Perfect! I usually don't attempt such an endeavor without Keith. We have those places we go just the three of us (easy places- like McDonald's), then there are places I don't dare go without an extra set of eyes and another pair of hands. Jason's Deli is usually a two-parent venue because we always end up going back to the salad bar for more muffins, getting refills and taking Courtney to get ice cream at the end.

As I headed toward the fountain drinks, Matthew in the high chair (thank goodness for wheels!) and Courtney tugging behind me, an employee approached us and asked for our number. Our food was ready. What?!?! I panicked in my thoughts. This isn't part of the plan! I don't even have a drink- or a straw! Do I really need a straw? I can go without one this time. Oh, but we don't even have a table! It went on like this for what seemed like minutes but in reality was only a split second (or two). The kind woman offered to carry our food to the table. YES! Thank you!

I quickly grabbed a drink and found a table. As we sat down, my heart was still racing. I tried to make things work, but I really needed that trip to the salad bar if I were going to get through this meal. Since there were no booths open I couldn't nurse- which meant Matthew would be eating graham crackers and small bites from my plate. I wasn't thinking clearly, so I raced to the salad bar, backwards, with my eyes on the kids and grabbed all I needed in record time. I sat down at the table and took a deep breath. Courtney ate quietly and Matthew ate with his feet on the table. *sigh*

As lunch progressed, I was still a little frazzled. Not to mention I was dressed in a ball cap and T-shirt after a good workout this morning. It seemed that everyone else there had just been in church by the way they were dressed. I felt out of place. After squashing the comparison bug with my bare hand, I decided to enjoy lunch with my kids. I could overhear the couple next to us as they watched Matthew eat crackers. They thought he was so cute- SCORE! Then Courtney dropped a muffin. She went down to get it- SCORE AGAIN! What a big girl, I thought. I've taught her well. She dropped something and now she's gone to pick it up. Oh, she picked up the muffin alright- and put it in her mouth! The man next to me laughed out loud. I could have died. I made her discretely spit it out. Yuck. The couple left soon after- possibly sickened at the sight of a child spitting a gingerbread muffin into her mother's hand. Oh well. Back to enjoying lunch.

Still a little frazzled.

I took Courtney and Matthew to the ice cream machine for desert. Why didn't I think of this at salad-bar time? I could have just taken them with me! Duh! Courtney loved her ice cream. Matthew had a few bites as well. He started grabbing for other food and found a piece of garlic toast- you know, the hard, crispy crouton-textured kind. I didn't think he could bite any off, so I let him try it.

WHOA! What a face! Matthew clearly thought it was bitter. The man at the table next to us (new couple this time) laughed out loud- HARD! He obviously thought it was hilarious, as did Courtney and I. Matthew caught on quickly and smiled. He took another bite, made a bitter face and laughed. It was a game now (and SO cute!) The rest of lunch was much more enjoyable. My frazzledacity melted away.

I got to thinking on the way home. I had such a bitter attitude through more than half of our lunch. My circumstances were not bad at all, but I handled them wrongly in my heart. I thought of Matthew. That toast was obviously bitter to his taste, but he handled it with joy. That joy was contagious. It even spread to the table next to us. It made that guy's day- and then I could hear him telling his family about it. I thought, We all get handed bitter situations in life. I guess the important thing really is how we handle them. If I want to be a blessing to others, I should handle those bitter times with joy.

(I got a little video on my phone while at Jason's Deli)

And one more thing: As I left, I put the cracker into my purse, hoping to get his cute little garlic toast face on video once we got home (since my phone camera wasn't very clear)- but he didn't make the bitter face. He actually looked as if he enjoyed the cracker. It reminded me of something Beth Moore said in a video about the little inconveniences and annoyances in our lives. They can seem so bitter at the time and we can handle them in a way that brings us (and everyone around us) down. We soon lose sight of eternity. We lose perspective. But if we handle these situations well, if we look at them through God's eyes, we learn to live with them while praising God. I have come to realize that many of the little irritations in my life are put there to teach me something. They mold my character. They reveal my sin. They may not be caused by God, but they are definitely used by God. Oh, how I long to be changed and shaped- molded and worked out until all of the rough places in my soul are smooth. I suppose that's what sanctification is all about. I've already been saved by God's grace. Now He's working on smoothing out my soul. Garlic toast. Heavenly sandpaper. Whatever you want to call it, as bitter as it is to swallow, I know I need it if I'm to be molded more and more into the image of Christ.

A Blog Per Day Keeps The Therapist Away...

I would love to be a consistent blogger- but even now I'm quickly typing with one eye on the monitor and one eye on the clock (I'm fancy like that), waiting for Courtney to wake up at any minute, rubbing her eyes and asking for cereal. I've thought of several things to write on in the past month, now here I am writing about, well, writing. Strange how that happens, right? I am an outward processor. I've got to get one thought out before I can finish another.

So here it is, the thought for the day: "A blog per day keeps the therapist away." Nothing against therapists here, I was just thinking that if I would take time each day to put my thoughts on cyber paper maybe I could spend less time trying to hash out my thoughts with Barbie and Dora. They look great on TV, but in real life they aren't very good counselors. Barbie just tells me to look my best, and Dora always rattles off something in Spanish about monkeys... too bad I took German in high school! Stay at home moms don't always have the best outlets for processing. We're surrounded by little ears with tender hearts. We don't want to burden our kids with the little worries that sneak up on us through the day- like bills or frizzy hair or the lady at Silver Dollar City who commented on my weight last Saturday... uh, I mean... yup. We don't need to load our kids down with that petty stuff, but we've got to work through it sometime.

We outward processors usually just need a way to get our thoughts OUT. We tend to pray out-loud, even in private. We write. We learn through teaching. We have coffee with girlfriends and discuss our prayer requests for 20 minutes before actually praying... at least I do.

My little princess just woke up. She smells like syrup, which means the pancakes we had for dinner last night are lodged somewhere in her hair... so it's breakfast and bath time and then we're off to Target to find dress shoes for Courtney. It's going to be a good day- because isn't any day good when you get to buy shoes??

Self Sabotage...

Last night I learned an important lesson. The middle of the night is a good time for that! Matthew was wide awake (at 3am- not good). I had already nursed him, re-swaddled him and rocked him. After nothing worked, I finally gave up, placed him in the bed and prayed that God would help him sleep. He wasn't cranky, just-- awake. He rolled over and appeared to be falling asleep. I got tucked into my bed, closed my eyes and heard a cry over the baby monitor. So, I went to pick him up and felt like God said, "Leave him alone, let him learn to self soothe." I remembered that I'd been praying that God would teach him to do this, so I sat down in the rocking chair to watch. Over the next half hour, Matthew tossed and turned, looked around, played with his crib mirror, and successfully shed the swaddle blanket. (Impressive, because he was swaddled pretty tightly.) Then he got quiet. I checked on him, and he was fine. In fact, he had found the pacifier, was on his belly and was gently rubbing his head. HE WAS SELF SOOTHING! I was so excited! Thank You, Jesus, this is just what I was praying for!! I went to bed and heard him rustle a few more times, then went to check on him one last time. He was asleep! I worried that he would wake up, since he wasn't swaddled, but he slept until 8:45 this morning.

So that lesson I learned:
Sometimes I pray for something but then (without even realizing it) I don't let God answer my prayer. In this case, I had been praying for God to teach Matthew how to self-soothe and fall to sleep on his own in the middle of the night. But I kept running to his side every time he'd wake up. I didn't want him to cry, which would result in a tearful three year old in the next room- one who doesn't do well at all when she's wakened before she's ready. But Matthew didn't cry. He wimpered a few times, but that was it.

It made me wonder what other things I've been praying for but haven't allowed God room to move on my behalf. How can I expect God to help me get to a healthy weight if I keep eating marshmallows and cholcolate chips at snacktime? How can I expect God to change my attitude if I dwell on critical thoughts? How can I expect God to reveal Himself to me if I neglect spending time with Him? God is not a magic genie who grants our every wish. He is a loving parent, who asks us to partner with Him on our journey so that we can grow and mature in a real way. That means discipline and tough choices are inevitable. I wonder sometimes if I am my own biggest stumbling block... but I am so thankful for my God- the One who loves me and has the power to change me and set me free. So I leave you with this verse and pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a wonderful way today:

"He must become greater. I must become less" John 3:30.

The haircut...

My little princess got her hair cut today- and I CRIED! I do that a lot... cry. Not because I'm sad or depressed, but because I'm so thankful and I just get overwhelmed at the thought of my little girl growing up. We cut nearly 5 inches off into a little pixie cut. Let me just say, she's ADORABLE! I've wanted to get it done for a while, but she was completely against it. Somehow she was convinced that such an endeavor would turn her into a boy. I tried and tried to convince her otherwise, but to no avail. Then, this morning, as I was combing the knots out again and she was cringing in pain again, I mentioned that a haircut might solve this problem. "Let's get my hair cut!" she yelled, enthusiastically. Then I added, "Your hair will be short- just like DORA'S!!" as a little cherry on top, just to make sure she didn't change her mind.

She waited patiently as I got mine done (long story- my second haircut in two days). As she swiveled in the chair next to me I heard, "Is the hair cutter all through with you yet?" in about 10 different forms. [I find it amazing how children can ask the same question in so many ways, expecting a different answer each time.] Finally it was Courtney's turn. She watched as the first section was cut off- about 5 inches long, 2 inches wide. I saw panic in her eyes. I think the hairdresser did, too, because almost simultaneously we started throwing out the compliments. "Oh, you're going to look so pretty!" and what-not. Courtney ate these up and soon smiled. She said. "Oh, I just LOVE my new haircut!" She giggled and squirmed as the scissors touched her neck. She said they were cold and tickly. When it was over, everyone in the salon told her how beautiful she looked- like a little princess. She gleamed with delight and self-confidence. She was such a big girl, and now, more than ever, she looks like a kid- not a baby. I've noticed her looks changing over the last several weeks, but now it's official. My little girl is no baby. Not anymore.

My future son-in-law...

Collish.
  ... At least, I guess that's how you spell his name. Courtney has been talking about him for a while now. She says she's going to marry him. She's never met the boy, but that's what she calls him. Even this morning she came into the kitchen, gave me a hug and told me in a sing-song, dreamy, Disney Princess voice that one day a boy named Collish was going to come to her house and they were going to "get married together." She loves the thought of marriage. To my little princess, there is nothing more beautiful than her mama's wedding dress. She loves looking at our photos and asking me about that special day when her Daddy and I stood at the altar and promised God that we'd love and take care of each other for the rest of our lives... and then we did something really cool: we gave each other JEWELRY!! A little girl's dream come true!

  One might be puzzled about her obsession with marriage. (Then again, at three years old, isn't everything an obsession?) I'd like to look at it another way. Perhaps the cry in her heart is one that we all have. A cry placed in us by our God. Not to get married, per se, but to be unified in intimacy with our God. (I'm talking relational & emotional, not  the "physical intimacy" we normally associate with marriage).  The Bible calls the Church the "Bride of Christ". In Matthew 9:15, Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom. In John 3:28-29, John the Baptist used the Bride and Bridegroom as a reference for his mandate to prepare the way for Christ. And of course, among many other references of marriage and our relationship to Christ, we find these words in Revelation 19:6-9:

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

  I still don't fully understand what being a part of the Bride of Christ means. I simply know that God loves me. He cherishes me and delights in me as a bridegroom delights in his bride. I believe that godly marriage has more to do with revelation than procreation. Yes, marriage was meant to create a safe environment in which to bear and raise our children, and I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage. But I have also gleaned so much from my marriage to Keith that has taught me about my relationship with God. Here are just a few:

• My relationship with God is unlike my relationship with anyone else. It's special and I must protect and nurture it first and foremost. I'm not always very good at this, but God is forever faithful. One of my favorite books of the Bible is Hosea, because it speaks so powerfully of God's love and desire for His people, even as they chase after other "gods", whether they be actual idols or things like money, power and vanity.

• God knows me better than anyone else on this earth- even better than I know myself. When I trust the One who knows me best, I can enjoy and reciprocate complete honesty and sincere devotion. I don't have to explain myself because God "gets me" like no one else. My husband is my best friend- and he "gets me". I can say one word and he hears the entire sentence I was thinking (most of the time, haha)... how much moreso it is with my Creator!

• The One who loves me most is my Christ. He is also the One who offers me the most sincere, life-giving correction I could ask for. So often I don't see the things that hold me back or hurt me. But God loves me enough to let me know what I should change; and He does this in a loving and tender way... and then He helps me change it!

  There are countless other parallels that I've found beween my marriage and my relationship with God. I have been blessed to have a godly husband who loves me "as Christ loves the church" (Ephesians 5:25 and Colossians 3:19). Our marriage is not perfect, but it's beautiful. We learn from our mistakes and move on. Sometimes I wonder if that's part of Courtney's obsession with marriage: seeing how Keith and I relate to each other? If so, I take that as a high compliment and thank God.

  I am sure several factors are at work here, but one thing is for sure: She is convinced that she will marry a boy named Collish. In fact, she was talking about him just the other day while playing...

 "Mama, I think Collish would like this star."

 [Remembering that Collish is her "future husband" from past conversations]

"Oh really? And who is Collish?"

"Um, he's nobody."

  I wish I had a picture of her face when she said that. It was the classic deer-caught-in-the-headlights look that teenagers get when you say "who was that cute boy you were talking to?" or something along those lines, haha!

  So here's to my future son-in-law. God bless you, "Collish". :) And my prayer today is that my children will realize the love God has for them as the Lover of their Souls. May they find true revelation of God through the paradigm of marriage- whether it be their own (one day) or those that they witness through family and friends; but especially as revealed in the Scriptures.

Play, Pray, Say & Obey...

I've been meaning to update this for some time now. Just before Christmas I started praying about my new year's resolutions. I had a few that were the "same ol' same ol'". You know : lose weight, read more, yadda yadda yadda. Those are great ideas, and I am working on them, but I wanted my "new year's resolutions" to be focused around something that I really really really wanted to work on. Things I can see making a difference in eternity one day... and so I thought about my children. I have been working on a few things with them for the last 3 months or so, but I wanted to put some OOMPH into it, so to speak. So, I took some of my goals from last year and sort of focused them into a short, quick saying that I can remember throughout the day:

Play, Pray, Say & Obey

 PLAY: I want to play with my children. Sounds simple enough, but this one is really hard for me to remember some days. I'm a very task-oriented person. Once I get started on something, it's hard for me to stop... unfortunately, that's not always a good thing. Sometimes I'm task-oriented to a fault- like when I spend an hour on Facebook or when I am so busy taking pictures at the park that I forget to enjoy our time there. I don't mean to, it's just part of my personality. It's a beautiful part of who God made me to be... but I have to learn to use it the way He intended it to be used. So one goal I have this year is to take more time to play with my kiddos. Let that be my task, if I have to think of it that way. I've tried to take time each day for the last few months to play with Courtney in her room. We read, play with dolls, practice letters and so much more. It's been A-mazing! I love playing with my little girl. Not that I never played with her before, but it's just different now- I'm not so distracted by the dishes, the laundry and everything else that calls out for my attention during the day. I've noticed that doing this has caused me to be more playful throughout the day as well- not just during our "playtime". I've also seen her creativity blossom as I've taught her how to make a Barbie doll bed out of an old shoebox and a few washcloths. I decided a while back that I wanted Courtney to remember me in this season of her life as an engaged, present, playful mother. So that's my first goal for the new year: to play.

PRAY: I pray for my kids often, but I want to be more intentional. I want to go beyond the "keep them safe and healthy" prayers and pray more specifically as well. I want to cry out for the will of God in their lives- to pray God's heart- to pray Scripture over them. I want my kids to grow up knowing God intimately- not as a religion, but as a Person. A verse that has been on my heart for several months now is 3 John 4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This is what I want for them- that they would walk in the truth all the days of their lives. The truth of who God is, the truth of who they are in Christ, and the truth of what the Gospel means to those around them.

SAY: This one is pretty simple, too... but also much easier said than done. I want to encourage my kiddos. I feel so much love and delight toward them, but I sometimes forget to put my thoughts into words. I love watching Courtney's face light up when I simply say "I love you". Lately, I've tried to make it clear that she is a blessing to us by telling her, "I am so glad God let me be your mommy!" She giggles with delight, and I am overjoyed because it is the absolute truth. I've tried to encourage her in those cute little quirks, too- you're creative, you're caring, you're exciting & adventurous...haha, even when they look a little strange (some of you may remember the biscuit hanging on the refridgerator). I've even started practicing with Matthew. I know he doesn't understand my words just yet, but he does light up at my tone of voice- and Courtney hears how to encourage others. She often jumps in and says things like, "Oh, Matthew, you're such a cutie baby!"

OBEY: I must obey God. Simple. Hard. Necessary. Life-Giving. If I am to excel in motherhood, wifedom and discipleship, I must obey God. Part of that for me lately has meant getting up at 6am to spend time with Jesus, no matter how many times I had to get up to feed Matthew, take Courtney back to her bed, etc. It has been amazing. I can't put into words how hard and how refreshing it is at the same time. I've noticed a change in my attitude, my level of patience, my self-esteem and my overall outlook on life. The biggest thing for me here is proving to myself that I can get up. I have made excuses for years, trying to fit my quiet time in during the day because I was "too tired" at 6am. Of course, I get through a couple of sentences in my Bible or say a few words in prayer and I'm distracted, getting juice, or cleaning up a mess. I have been so blessed getting up early. It's incredibly peaceful to sit in God's presence and not worry about the kids because I know they're sleeping safely in their beds. It frees up my attention and mind so I can completely focus on God. I can worship freely, study His Word more intently and pray with greater precision.

So there you have it. My new year's resolutions in parenting: Play, Pray, Say & Obey. Of course, I have a few others I'm working on (that last bit of baby weight for example), but this little motto is my focus. It's great because it can also translate into my relationship with my husband :)

 My prayer for 2011 is that God will mold me more into the image of Christ so that I can reflect His glory in a true, life-giving way to those around me.

"For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." ~Romans 8:29

Sneaky Counterfeit Computer Virus...

So, I got a computer virus this morning... or so I thought. I logged in to myspace.com and was instantly given a box that said "There's a big chance your computer might be infected..." I was skeptical, as most credible antivirus programs don't say things like "big chance", so I closed it and was taken to another screen that looked an awful lot like the real thing. It was a virus scan page that said I had 362 Trojan viruses in my C drive and another 63 in my D drive. It had dates and the option to remove them... and I FREAKED OUT!! I called Keith but he didn't answer. After wondering what to do, I finally got my head on straight and decided to look into this a bit closer. Then I noticed a few things:

*There were misspellings throughout the page
*The page ran rampant with bad grammar (kinda like my blog, haha!)
*There was a notification at the bottom telling me I didn't have antivirus software- and that I should "download now" from their site... but I do have antivirus software- hmmm.
*The icons they used looked just a bit off- close, but no cigar.
*Some of the dates used were from almost 2 yrs ago, but we've scanned and cleaned our computer several times since then.

So I tried to look at the page the way I knew Keith would, and then did what I knew he would do: I ran our antivirus software. Yep, the whole "big chance" of infection was just a scam to get me to click on some buttons and download their worms.

As I was running the scan, I thought, "OOOh- that's JUST how the devil does it, too! So sneaky, so sneaky." When the devil is tempting me it is very rarely a "hey, do this bad thing and you'll have fun" prompt. It's usually something so sneaky that I don't even realize it's a lie. For instance, how many times have I been plagued with fear, thinking it was God warning me about something terrible that was about to happen? The Bible says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1John 4:18). God doesn't send fear and terrifying thoughts of my family careening off a bridge into the Arkansas River into my head. The enemy does that.

But so often it's in such a sneaky way. Sometimes I even think, "This is the right thing to do" and it FEELS so right... but it's not. Or sometimes (like this morning) I'm so shocked about the whole thing that I lose my wits and can't discern fact from fiction. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and look at things through God's eyes. That's why I have to be on my guard. That's why I have to be in the Word (God help me, because some days I'm SO LAZY!) That's why I have to train myself to know the difference between what is real and what is a counterfeit truth crafted by Satan to trick me into sin.

I've heard before that FBI agents who deal with counterfeit money don't study the counterfeits. They only study the real thing. They know every inch of a dollar bill and can tell simply by holding it if it's a fake. That's how I want to be about God's truth. I want to be so familiar with God and His Word that I can tell instantly if a thought, a situation, a prompt, etc. is from God or not.

May God give us all a revelation of His truth today, and may we pass that on to our children! I leave you with some of God's truth:

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared." ~Proverbs 3:24-26

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." ~ 1Peter 3:6

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." ~1Peter 5:8

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:37-39

A word of advice...

To All New Mommies and Moms-to-Be, An Open Letter:

TREASURE every second you spend alone in the bathroom (showering or otherwise) because the day is quickly approaching when your sweet little angel will learn how to open the bathroom door.

...and life as you know it will never be the same...

Privacy will become an imaginary trinket; they will run to their bedrooms to search for it, and having finally "found" it within their imaginations, they will insist on bringing it back to you while you hold out your loving, motherly hand from upon your porcelin throne.

Shaving your legs will become a priveledge, as time works against you. And shaving above the knee? A rare and beautiful gift! You will learn to sweetly smile at remarks by your little one such as "Mama, your legs are pokey."

And where your thoughts once wandered aimlessly while the conditioner soaked through your beautiful locks, you will find yourself scrubbing suds, creating a grocery list, praying for an easy transition to nap time and yelling through the shower curtain, "I'll get the animal crackers as soon as I'm done!" Sometimes to no avail... and sometimes to the unwelcome sight of a naked toddler climbing into the shower with you. What happened to their clothes? you wonder... you'll find out soon enough.

Nothing is safe. Nothing is off limits. (Well, it may be off limits, but that doesn't mean it won't be broken or spilled or placed in the toilet.) And locking the door leads only to tantrums or never ending questions such as "Mama, can you see my fingers? Can you see them noooow?" as they poke their little hands under the door.

But the most mysterious part of it all is that most days (most days- not every day) you won't mind much. Motherhood is filled with little inconveniences that can become our greatest memories. . .

But until then, treasure your time alone in the bathroom- and while your conditioner sets and your thoughts are wandering aimlessly, think of us - those of us who have kids tall enough to open the door - and say a little prayer.

Trashin' the TP...

I'm often bewildered by the mind of my 3 year old. The things she says make absolutely no sense to the untrained ear. She acts out of a sweet, princess-driven personality full of sparkles and ponies. I love it! I learn so much from her every day. In particular, my little girl is perfectionistic by nature and often surprises me with little hints to that quirk:

Yes, that is my trash can... full of toilet paper. You see, I've taught Courtney to choose three squares of TP when she goes potty. Until recently I've been there to supervise, but as we've welcomed our son into the world I've been a little, well, detained. Nursing has kept me parked on the couch during many of Courtney's potty runs. She has been left to choose three squares on her own. Unfortunately, she's somewhat obsessive about it; in a cutesie-three-year-old kind of way:)

I secretly watched her one day as she set out to choose the three best squares. First, she counted "One, two three!", but accidently tore off four squares. So, she neatly folded them and placed them in the trash can. Let's try that again: "One, two, three!" This time the second piece tore (just a smidge), so again, into the trash they went. She did this again and again, each time doing her best to choose three perfect squares... and then she got it! Three squares that were all perfect in size with no tears or rough edges! So she carefully and slowly folded the squares. Oops, not quite right. Okay. In the trash. Let's start all over: "One, two, three!" I finally stopped her for fear that we'd run through the whole roll before she was satisfied.

I read a chapter recently on striving for excellence instead of perfection, since true perfection cannot be reached until we get to heaven. It makes me wonder how often I've worked on something in my life, meticulously trying to get it just right, while God watched with a smile thinking, "I'm not looking for perfection here- just do the best you can." How many squares of time, energy and other resources have I thrown into the trash trying to get it perfect?

Hmmm, I'm going to have to think about that all weekend...

My prayer today is that God would give me the grace to be content with my very best instead of wallering in frustration and self-pity at my imperfections.

Sweet Dreams... eventually.

(At our house, chasing sleep is like chasing a bubble... hope it doesn't pop before you catch it!!)

I feel refreshed after a one-hour nap. Courtney is still sleeping. WOO-HOO! You might say... but wait, there's more. the events leading up to the nap were all but celebratory. It took a full two hours to get Courtney to stay in her bed long enough to fall asleep.

I knew she was tired. She got up at 6am (she usually sleeps until about 8:30 am). We had a busy morning- dentist's office, library, lunch. During lunch she yawned repeatedly, her little eyes were red and puffy and she held her head up with one hand while she ate with the other. She was obviously tired. So I prepared her for nap time. I explained what we were going to do. I drew the dark curtains and put her in bed. I put on my PJ's, went back to tuck her in (as I had promised) and then went to my bed. She stayed put for about 15 minutes... and then it began.

Now I have to interject here to say this is all my fault. She inherited sleeplessness from me. Every night my husband falls asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow, while I lie awake for 40 minutes or more, eyes closed tight, still as I can be, hoping to fall to sleep. I know how hard it is for some people to get to sleep , and I pity my princess for that. She's been this way since the day she was born. I remember rocking and holding and nursing her, as she rubbed her little tear-filled eyes but just wouldn't give it up. We did everything we could to "sleep train" her, and it seemed to work for a while; but it seems that now, as she's about to turn 3, we're going to have to do it all again.

For the next 2 hours she was in my room every 10-20 minutes. First she couldn't find a small toy she wanted. Then she wanted to say goodnight again... and so on and so forth. We don't usually have naptime during the day (except on days like today when it's absolutely necessary). However, this battle is a frequent event at bedtime around our house.
This has been going on for over 6 months now. She was sleeping well in her bed at our old house. The transition from crib to big-girl bed was AWESOME. Then we moved, and she slept in the pack and play for about 3 months. When we moved again she went back to the big-girl bed and it's been a nightmare ever since. We've tried dozens of techniques from friends, family and professionals. We've pushed through consistently in each attempt. It seems that when we finally settle on something that works she changes and it no longer phases her. We thought we had it down last week when she went to bed without a fuss almost all week long and then BANG! This week we're back to square one.

Mostly today I'm just venting as I'm tired of the struggle. I don't get it. She's so easy to discipline in every other area of life! It's just this one thing that she can't seem to get down. I asked her once why she didn't want to go to bed and she said (in her broken 2-yr-old language) that she didn't want to be separated from the rest of the family. That makes sense. Time-outs have always been extremely efficient for her because she hates being isolated. Does she just feel isolated at bedtime? We have a routine in place and shower her with love and praise, stories and smiles. Am I missing something here? Or is it just the fact that it takes so long for her to fall to sleep; is she getting bored? Is she getting restless because it's not happening quick enough? I need prayer. I need wisdom. Is this something she'll grow out of, or will we still struggle with her when she's 5,6,7,8? I refuse to throw in the towel on this.

I have a few more ideas up my sleeve that we'll try in the coming weeks. I welcome comments. I welcome prayers. What worked for your troubled-sleeper? How did you survive the greuling task of training your child(ren)? Will I ever get through this?

Warren Buffet

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being." - Warren Buffet

I saw this online today and just had to share. I couldn't believe it! When asked about the best advice he ever received, Warren Buffet spoke of his father's unconditional love- an ACTION- not mere words. For those who don't know, Warren Buffet is an extremely prosperous business man, widely respected by the business and financial communities. He is quite wealthy and by our American culture's standards he is one of the most successful men alive. I find it quite interesting that his greatest advice has nothing to do with stocks or money... but unconditional love.

This is exactly my point for this blog: "Mama is a verb". Being a great parent isn't about shelling out advice at every turn, although we feel we have plenty to give! It's about living the advice we give our children. It's about being a great example, even through our mistakes. Great parenthood is rooted in unconditional love.

I'm reading a book with a group of awesome ladies right now called "Parenting the Way God Parents" by Katherine Koonce. She writes of how God's method of parenting is the perfect example for us as parents. Who better to look to for unconditional love than God Himself, who by definition in 1 John 4:16 "IS LOVE"? We see that love throughout scripture. I've seen it throughout my life in the way God deals with me. I don't know where Warren Buffet stands with God, but he has learned an important lesson that I believe God wants us all to learn: when we love our children unconditionally, as God loves us unconditionally, "it's going to make for a better human being," and not just our kids, but us, our communities, and our nation as well.

You can see the video here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100708/bs_yblog_upshot/buffett-recounts-the-best-advice-hes-ever-received

Sowing with a Cheerful Heart

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:6-8

I've read this verse a hundred times, but this morning it hit me in a new way. I thought of it in the context of my life right now. I am a stay-at-home mom, 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, with an energetic daughter who will be 3 at the end of the month.

Lately, everyday tasks have become difficult for me (physically). I have a tough time walking from the car into the grocery store. I am exhausted after vacuuming just one room. Bending over to pick up toys or bits of macaroni & cheese after lunch... well, let's just say it's not the easiest thing to do! Even playing with Courtney has become a challenge. I have been somewhat discouraged at times because I feel as if I can't do anything that I want to do- at least not to the fullness that I hope for. Sometimes I feel like I can't physically give 100% to my family. My heart is in it, but I just can't seem to get all the laundry done or play the way I used to. As a task-oriented person, this is really tough for me. And then I read this verse.

I realized that sowing generously isn't just about the practical things I do, like laundry or running errands. Sowing includes the prayers I pray, the time I spend encouraging my family, and the emotional, mental and spiritual effort I exert in taking care of them. For some of you this is just common sense. For me, a task-oriented, results-seeking, evaluation-motivated person, well, it's a little tougher.

The question is not "Am I an abundant giver at this point in my life?" but "Am I a cheerful giver at this point in my life?" Some days more than others, I have to admit.

Now, I believe that abundant giving will spring from cheerful giving- don't get me wrong here... but it's difficult for me to give physically in abundance at this point. I can, however, still give cheerfully. I can (as I tell Courtney a thousand times every day) "keep a  happy heart" while I do one load of laundry, instead of grumbling that I didn't get all 3 loads done. I can cheerfully unload the dishwasher. I can cheerfully watch my little girl dance in the living room. I can cheerfully... well, you get the point. It's all in my heart-attitude.

And then there's the last part of this scripture: "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." (v.8) God gives me grace. He showers me with grace and everything that I need so that I may abound in every good thing that He asks me to do. It's easy to feel like I'm just surviving through these last few weeks of pregnancy, but that's not God's plan for me. He came so I may have abundant life (John 10:10). Webster defines abundance as "marked by great plenty" or "amply supplied". I realized this morning that I really do have all that I need to glorify God. I just have to let Him reshape my thinking. For some reason I have in my mind a list of things I can do to glorify God. Most of those things aren't physically possible right now. So I'm left asking God, "What now? What can I do?" And I feel like God is replying: "Don't ask 'what can I do,' but rather, 'what can I be?'" I can be like Christ. I can be an attentive mom. I can be a supportive wife. I can be a good friend. Those things don't require a mile long to-do list. They simply require a cheerful heart and lots of grace.