Monday, July 25, 2011

Say WHAT?!?

Barking. Barking. Barking. All night. Just yesterday I was thinking to myself: I hardly notice that I have new neighbors. This may turn out well after all! Our previous neighbors kept to themselves and were nice people, but their teenagers loved to play basketball until midnight or later several nights per week. As I lay in bed I winced with every "thunk. thunk. thunk. (pause) THUNK!" After three or four weeks we got used to it and could sleep again- with the fan on. They moved out a few weeks ago, so we've been used to the dead quiet at night. No porch lights blaring through the window, no thunks, no late-night BBQ's, no cars driving in and out at all hours of the night. Even my 11 month old has been sleeping soundly. It was wonderful...

Our new neighbors are also quite nice, very quiet and keep to themselves. Unfortunately, their dogs are not as considerate. There are several dogs in the back yard who are trying to get used to all of the new smells and sounds of a new neighborhood- so they bark. All night long. I completely understand, but *yawn!* all of that is just a rant to say "I'm TIRED."

So, naturally, I went to Walmart today. I should have known better, since having almost no sleep last night, but I was out of milk. I made a list and stuck to it, so I did well- but I didn't have my "mom edge" today. You know what I mean- that part of your brain that is ready to launch a full force assault on fits, answer questions with superb wisdom that is worded in such a way as to stifle any "why" questions that may ensue, and, of course, that part of your brain that guards your thoughts from drifting into La-La-Land so that you're 100% on your toes and ready to deal with anything that comes your way. Yeah, I didn't have it today.

So there we were in the dairy section, browsing cheese. Hmmm. Cheddar. That's it. Sharp? Mild? Extra Sharp?? Who makes up this stuff? Whatever happened to just cheese? *sigh* I'm tired. We passed a teenager stocking the shelves and my recently-turned 4 yr old laughs out loud like she's at a comedy club, points and yells "HahahaHAA!! That guy has a ROOSTER TAIL on his head!!" *Blush* Maybe he didn't hear? She said it again. And, yes, one more time. For those of you who don't know, a rooster tail is a cowlick gone bad (at least, it is in our house). I'm still not sure if he knew he was the victim of her verbal outburst, but I didn't want to take any chances. I bolted out of there with cheese in hand as fast as I could. At least it wasn't as bad as what she said in the produce section. I sighed to myself.

What did she say in the produce section?

This is where I should have had my guard up. This is where I needed my "mom edge". There I was, looking at strawberries, checking prices and (I'll confess) looking over the hill into La-La-Land, thinking how nice it must be there... no responsibility, no list, just hanging out (maybe napping a bit)... when the question came loudly over the shopping cart. "Mama, what kind of panties are you wearing?" What? Did she just ask me- huh?- Did they hear that? Oh, they did. They're smiling at me. They're looking at her. "Mama! I said, 'What kind of PANTIES are you wearing?'!" I didn't answer. I was so embarrassed as the lady next to me turned and did one of those laughs out of the side of her mouth- you know, the kind that you try to hold in so you just end up spitting all over yourself? Time stood still as she asked me once more, even louder: "MAMA! WHAT KIND OF PANTIES ARE YOU WEARING???"

I regained my composure, wiped the shock off of my face and quietly whispered why that question is inappropriate, etc., etc., etc. Needless to say, I cut my time in the produce section short, quickly pushing the basket into the bread isle as I fought the "why" of it all. "Why is that question not okay? Why is it called 'in public'? Why won't you tell me? I'm wearing Dora..." Truth is, I couldn't have even told her if I wanted to. I don't remember. I was too tired to notice this morning after being up all night with the neighbor's dogs. On any other day I could have seen it coming. I could have nipped it in the bud, so to speak. I could have, well, you get the point.

So there's no moral to the story today- at least not one that I can glean except "Don't take your kids out in public when you're tired." If you can extract a lesson from this story, I'd love to hear it... when I wake up.

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