On Being Strict...

I would consider my daughter to be a strong-willed individual. Fortunately, I am also (usually) strong willed, so it doesn't get to me often. Sometimes, however, it does catch me off-guard. Consider this conversation we had earlier today:

Me: What happened?
Her: I pushed the planter thingy and it fell off the tree. Will you put it back on?
Me: Yes. Here we go. Now listen, this thing will fall down if you push it again. Do not push the planter.
Her: But I just want to try it again to see if it falls off.
Me: Don't push the planter. Here, let's go play in the driveway instead. [the neighbor kids were painting our driveway with sidewalk chalk]
Her: Well, [gently pushing my leg] you just go in the house.
Me: No, [getting her idea] do not push the planter.
And then she pushed the planter. So she had to go inside. No more fun with the neighbor kids today. I led her into the house and put her tear-stained face, muddy hands and sidewalk-chalk-covered patooty straight in the tub.

It's times like these when we parents have got to stand our ground. We must be consistent. I was so tempted to say "Well, let's just go inside for a few minutes- just for time out. Then you can come back outside and play with your friends some more." Bad idea. I feel like I did the right thing this time, but how often do I lessen the consequences because I feel sorry for her through those big crocodile tears? I try not to, but I know it happens.

Sometimes I feel so guilty for being strict with her.

Most of all I just hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she grows up with a real understanding that all of the boundaries I placed on her, all of the times I made her go back and re-do a task because she didn't do it right the first time, all of the times I disciplined her for things her friends are allowed to do (like the 3 yr old in our neighborhood who plays in the street alone- GAH!). My husband assures me that she will understand when she's older. So does God's Word. So I can walk in confidence knowing that my being strict with her is really helping her more than it hurts me to see her cry.

Hissy Fits and Fences...

It'll be simple! I thought to myself in my usual naive, optimistic, dreamy tone. (You know, that tone inside my head when I come up with a "great" idea?) I went to the fabric store and got all of the materials. $12.50-ish. awesome- less than half of what I'd pay for one at the store. Then I started cutting...

The camera bag looked great until I got it all together (go ahead, laugh right there). Actually, it was lining up perfectly- it was just too big. It was as big as my huge, over-the-shoulder bag. Hmm. Kind of defeated the purpose there. What I really wanted was one I could stick in my purse when I go out. I wanted something small. My large bag has pockets for everything- SD cards, extra batteries, etc. I thought if I left out some of the pockets I could make a simple, small camera bag. Wrong. It turned out huge- and then I put the zipper on. It looked like a monkey hot-glued it with a blindfold on. In my defense, it was the first time I had ever put on a zipper- not to mention I was going around a square (not the easiest task). So I took it apart. I cried. I poked myself with the seam ripper and bled on my huge, crooked, monkeyesque burst'd bubble. Why is this so hard?!?! 

I put the kids to bed and went back to the kitchen table, ignoring the dinner dishes sitting next to my sewing machine. I was too focused and frustrated after dinner to work on dishes, anyway. I had a task in front of me: tearing that thing apart. I started wondering what else I could do with the pieces I'd cut. Then I remembered a picture I took last week and a blog topic I wanted to write about but just hadn't had the inspiration (until now): Overcoming Obstacles.

Check out this picture:

This is a tree growing through the fence from my front yard into the back. It caught my attention a week ago and I've been watching it ever since. I suppose I often feel like that tree, squeezing through the obstacles in my life, wondering who will win. Will I be triumphant and break the fence down with my mighty boughs? Or will the fence cut off my circulation and kill that part of me that tried to break through? Or, as evidenced by this picture, will I simply grow through and adapt to the obstacles in my life? I'm not sure if you can see it, but the tree is actually growing differently because of this fence. Here is another pic to show you what I mean:

And it's actually flourishing on the other side! I've noticed also that the fence is slowly being pushed out of the way... so I have concluded that this tree will do two things:   1.Overcome the obstacle (though it may take time) and    2.Grow and adapt as it pushes through the obstacle. 

Now, my little problem with the camera bag is nothing compared to some of the things I have faced in the past or that some of my friends are going through right now. But I believe there is hope for the big and the little troubles we are up against. We'll grow. We'll change (hopefully for the better, depending on our attitudes). We'll overcome. I will conquer this camera bag problem. I will learn to calculate my projects more carefully before shelling out the cash. In time I will realize that this problem really wasn't worth getting red faced and crazy over. (Ok, maybe I'm realizing that as I type). Point is, if you're facing an obstacle and it seems like the fence is winning, remember that if Christ lives in your heart there is Life in you. Just like there is life in that tree that will cause it to continue growing to the point that it eventually overcomes the fence. That Life in you has the power to conquer death. That means that we don't have to throw hissy fits and give in to temptation. And so, as I return to the table with a new attitude (thanks for letting me vent!) I leave you with a bit of God's Word: 

"The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do."

~Romans 8:11-12

♪ I'm a Beaver, YAAH! ♫

Just a quick, funny story today:

We had iTunes playing last night in the dining room when we sat down to dinner. I suppose I was trying to create a certain atmosphere after a hectic day. A song came on called "My Redeemer Lives." Courtney and Matthew were rocking out, bobbing their heads. Eventually, Courtney looked up from her spaghetti, smiled and asked, "Why is she being a beaver?" We had no idea what she was talking about, so we prodded for more information. It turns out that she misunderstood the singer's words. When they sang "My Redeemer lives," she thought they were singing, "I'm a beaver, YAAH!" My husband and I cracked up. After a while that's all we could hear. It made the next 2:15 or so quite funny, to say the least!

Now I can't get the song out of my head only, it's the new and improved "Beaver" version! It's been floating around all day, causing me to laugh out loud and embarrass myself in public. I laughed at the mall. I laughed at the library. Even at home I can't stop laughing as I picture the Hillsong crew up on stage, hands lifted high, singing "I'm a beaver! YAAH!!"

You know, just a few days ago I had a really negative song stuck in my head. I asked God to get it out and help me think of a more positive one... maybe this is the answer to my prayer!

♪♫♪♫ I'm a beaver! YAAH!! ♪♫♪♫

The Conviction of a Child...

A few months ago, our church had some sort of special day concerning adoptions. Forgive me for not remembering the details- I wasn't getting much sleep those days with a new baby on my hip. I do remember that they put up pictures of orphans from our area in the foyer. Each picture had the child's name, age and other information. Courtney was curious about it, so I briefly explained that these children didn't have a mommy or a daddy to take care of them. That led to several conversations over the next six or seven months, ranging from "What happened to their parents?" to "How do they get clothes if they don't have a mom & dad?" It was obvious that my daughter left the foyer different that day.

I love the fact that people adopt children. It blesses me to see it happen and to support my friends as they go through the process. I even have a family member who is adopted. It just has never been something heavy on my own heart, though. I would adopt if God asked me to, or if a family situation presented itself, but otherwise it's just not something I feel a longing for at this point in my life. Courtney, however, even at 4 years old is very passionate about adoption. She talks about it often. She is genuinely concerned about the children in orphanages and foster homes. She can't stop thinking about it.

Yesterday I had one of those heart melting conversations with her. I could sense the decisiveness in her voice. She has made up her mind. "Mama, when I'm a grown up I'm gonna get me a kid."

"Get you a kid? What do you mean?"

"I'm gonna get me a kid that doesn't already have a mama or a daddy. And I'm going to make it my own kid and be its mama. And then I'm going to make it a mermaid tail [she's kind of on a mermaid kick] and make it some cookies!"

"That's great, baby! You'll make a really good mama for that kid."

"But how do I get me a kid?"

I went on to explain that you get kids basically two ways: either God puts one in your belly or you go out and find one that doesn't have a mom or dad. Then you make that kid your own. I spared her all the details about courts and birth certificates- that can come when she's older. I told her it's called "adopting".

"Well, I just want the adopting one."

Later that night, as I was recounting the conversation to Keith, I remembered seeing pictures on Facebook of some friends lately. They had a few children of their own, but had adopted a child from Africa as well. It was obvious to me that the grandparents of this adopted child loved this little girl just as much as all of their other grandchildren. I suddenly thought of myself in the same situation. Although I don't really have a personal conviction to adopt, I thought of how beautiful our family might be one day when Courtney and her husband come over to our house, surrounded by children from all different backgrounds who have found a home in her heart. Ok, I'm crying now as I write this!

It's amazing to me that God can start shaping a person's heart and desires at such a young age. I know Courtney well. This is not just a flippant thought like what she'll be for Halloween. This is a deep conviction. 

It makes me wonder how I can nurture her godly convictions as she grows up? Off the top of my head I can think of a few things I could do:

* Encourage her, even when I don't share the same conviction

* Show her scriptures supporting her passions


* Give her practical ways to get involved, even as a child (in this case: donating toys & clothes, going to fund raisers, supporting an orphan through Compassion International or another agency, etc.)


* Never try to talk her out of something just because I'm not comfortable with it (I'm talking about doing godly things that are out of my comfort zone, not crazy things like sky diving- yikes!)


* Make resources available to her


* Teach her how to recognize God's voice


* Realize that "God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us" (1 Corinthians 12:6)- just because God hasn't given me the same desires doesn't make it wrong.


*Let her grow at her own pace

One last thought: I strongly believe that it is dangerous to pass off a godly, Scripture-affirmed conviction in a child as "just a phase". 

Discouraging someone from doing the will of God while they are young will most definitely discourage them from doing His will when they are adults. 

Let God work out your children's convictions and let them decide what to do with them as they grow. Guide and teach them along the way. Support and encourage them. Teach them to discern the will of God. Don't be surprised if it gets you out of your comfort zone. Our children will learn how to handle their passions (godly or not) by the way we handle ours.

God, help me to nurture the convictions you place in my children's hearts as they grow into who You've created them to be.

Jesus, His Dudes, and a Mermaid, Too...

Do you ever have those moments where you try to explain something spiritual to your child, only to have them turn it into something so outrageous that you wonder if they even got the point? Tonight, Courtney wanted me to read straight out of the Bible for her bedtime story. I opened up to the story about Jesus feeding the five thousand. If you're not familiar with the story, Jesus went to a mountainside. A large crowd was following Him. It was late, so He told the disciples they needed to feed the people. A boy had five loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus gave thanks and broke the bread, telling the disciples to start distributing it among the people. There were 5,000 men there, not to mention women and children. When everyone was full, they gathered 12 baskets full of leftovers. A miracle!

So after I read the Scripture, I re-told the story in 4 yr old terms, just to be sure she understood. As far as I could tell, she got it. Then she wanted to tell me a story:

"Jesus was a little guy, and all His dudes were playing outside. And then, they had five loaves of bread and two fish and everybody got to eat. And they all said 'YAHOO! YIPPEE! HOORAY!!'"

[Let me just say that at this point I was so proud- I thought "Wow! I think she's got it!" and then...]

All of a sudden, a mermaid came up. And an angel, too. And they had friends with them. The angel's friend was named David. And the mermaid's friend was named Ariel! And they all jumped into the water to get away from the tornado, 'cus it was coming fast! And they jumped into the water as fast as they could so they didn't get sucked up by the tornado."

*sigh*


         *giggle*

I love her imagination. It makes me wonder what God thought of her alternate ending to the story? Children are so creative. They come up with the most amazing things. I imagine that God laughs along with us and listens wholeheartedly, knowing that someday soon they will understand things. From the outside, it would seem that children are lost in a crazy, self-centered fantasy world (and to some extent, perhaps they are). But I believe God uses these formative years to teach them how to have faith. It reminds me of the second half of 1 Samuel 16:7

                      "The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

The more I hear my daughter talk about Jesus, the more I know that she understands more than she can articulate. Somewhere deep inside is a realization of God's reality and certainty of His love for her. I am so glad that God sees the hearts of children- and He loves them so dearly. God, help me to see my children's hearts through Your eyes- instead of just focusing on what I can see on the outside. 

The Mermaid Dress...

Princess Dresses. My beef with the princess dresses from department stores is that they tear and fray so easily. I cringe if anything spills on them because they rip to shreds in the washer. I don't even spend $20-25 on Courtney's regular dresses (I'm cheap  frugal). So why would I spend it on a toy dress that will be ruined within (usually) a day of buying it? That's not to say I don't or won't buy the dresses, but I just feel better about my own because I know they'll last a little longer.

Ok, getting down from my soap box now...

So I got out my sewing machine. I love making dress up clothes for my daughter. Well, I don't actually like the process of making them, but I love the end result. Today I spent two hours in the living room floor with my sewing machine and a really pretty sequin fabric. My mission was to make a mermaid tail. Halfway through sewing the fins on, Courtney comes up to me, holds two tiny triangle shaped scraps to her chest and asks if I can make her "some little chesties". She's four, so the little chesties turned out more like a tank top.  Still, it's so cute and I'm just glad to have one more dress up dress that I can wash.

Afterward I enjoyed watching her "swim" all through the house, rescuing sharks and playing with Flounder. This dress is especially fun because she has been "Ariel" for two weeks now, calling her Daddy "King Triton" every chance she gets. Today I asked if she wanted me to text him a picture, but she said she'd rather surprise him in person when he gets home, haha! (I love my girl!)

Here are a few pics. I just wanted to post something because I was so excited at how it turned out!

 I left slits at the legs to allow for extra room to jump. 

It ties in the back and the fin is just stuffed with pillow stuffing.

The Good Old Days...

It's nearly 11pm. I have put the kids to bed, given my husband a dose of NyQuil (poor guy has a head cold) and put on my PJ's... but I'm far from sleepy. I drank a coke at dinner in anticipation of staying up late to watch a ball game, but we got rained out. So here we are at my regular bed time and I'm wide awake.

I thought I'd sit at the computer for a while, so I put on my robe. Something was in my pocket- a stale piece of a bagel from who knows when. Hmmm. One of those things that happens, I suppose. It did remind me, however, of something I wanted to write about: The Good Old Days.

A few days ago, I made pancakes for breakfast. (Hang in there, I'll get to the point.) The kids love them because I put food coloring in them to make them sort of tie-dyed. We call them Rainbow Pancakes. They are the only kind Courtney will eat at our house. It's become a fun little tradition.

So after our Rainbow Pancakes that day, I cleaned up the dining room and got the dishes done. Matthew took a nap while Courtney played. Several hours passed before Matthew woke up and started exploring the house again. He went under the table and started fiddling with Courtney's booster seat. I thought he was just playing with the straps, so I let him continue his little game, keeping a not-so-close eye on him while I made lunch. All of a sudden, I noticed him eat something green and then spit it out. He made an awful face and looked at me as if to say, "What IS this?!?" I crawled under the table and took the mystery snack from him- ah, a green tie-dyed pancake. It must have been lodged up under the booster seat.

The poor guy probably thought, SCORE! Pancakes! I love these things!! but was quite disappointed when he was met with a stiff, stale remnant of what was once a glorious breakfast.

A thought suddenly popped into my head: "Don’t long for 'the good old days.' This is not wise." Ecclesiastes 7:10.


Have you ever seen the movie, Napoleon Dynamite? Napoleon and his brother Kip have an uncle named Rico. He complains that his coach didn't put him in the game in the 4th quarter, so he feels like his whole life has been one big mistake since that day. He's stuck in the past and hasn't been able to move on. Rico still lives in the "good old days". He spends his time making videos of himself throwing a football out in an open field. It's pretty funny, but also quite sad if you think about it.

Do you know of anyone who lives in the past? I'm talking more than hairstyles and clothes. I'm talking about a person's spirit not being able to experience life in the present because they're stuck in some other season of their life.

Personally, I didn't think I had a problem with this until I realized that in many ways I have lived in the past spiritually. Let me explain: In college, my relationship with God was amazing. I had free time in between classes, so I read the Bible constantly. I went to a Lifegroup or a Bible Study, a prayer meeting or a church service almost every day. I lived with awesome Christian women who encouraged me, kept me accountable and prayed for me continually. I felt like I knew what it meant to abide in Christ. I knew the Scriptures better than I do now (it helped that I was taking Bible classes at Baylor). I went on mission trips and saw miracle after miracle. I remember seeing a deaf man healed and countless other incredible things. For me, those were the "good old days".

I moved from Waco, lost touch with many of my close friends (at least on a day to day basis) and stopped seeing the big, demonstrative miracles I had seen before. I "church hopped" for months before finding a church I loved. Without constant accountability I just wasn't stepping out in courage. I wasn't stretching my faith. I wasn't staying consistent in my relationship with God. I started to get very comfortable in a religious lifestyle based on performance rather than my relationship with God. Don't get me wrong, I still connected with God and saw Him do amazing things over the next few years- just not to the degree I had seen in my college days. My exponential growth had slowed to a little bunny slope.

I would often look back at those days and let them feed my soul. Now, there's nothing wrong with remembering and being encouraged, but you have to understand that I was feasting almost exclusively on the past. I was eating stale, tie-dyed pancakes. Instead of experiencing God in the present, I just kept reliving old miracles.

Then one day, I woke up and realized it's been 7 years since I graduated from college. SEVEN YEARS. What was I still doing living in my early 20's? It challenged me. To be honest, I wasn't at all comfortable- but God doesn't promise He'll make us comfortable. He does, however, promise to make us more like Christ as we behold HIS GLORY. It begs the question: What will bring about change in my life- to behold the Glory Days and try to recreate them? Or to behold Christ and let Him recreate me? (2 Corinthians 5:17)

So I've refocused my attention. Instead of staring back, I want to stare into the face of Christ. Instead of looking at what has been, may I look at what can be. I will never- never- grow to maturity in my relationship with God if I always look back at the one or two events that changed my life, but don't experience His power in a fresh way from this point forward. I'll be stuck in the good old days. You'll find me out in a field one day with a video camera trying to read a tract in Spanish with a German accent (yup- that's me).

I am so thankful for God's grace. You know, when I took that stiff, green pancake from my son, I didn't say "Oh, well- just take it. I know how much you love pancakes!" NO! I took it away from him and gave him some lunch- fresh lunch. Warm lunch. Healthy lunch. All that was left to him was the memory of the pancake breakfast. That's all he needed. That's all we need, too- the memories to remind us of God's faithfulness and power. Why eat stale pancakes when we can enjoy a fresh feast of His love and power any time we want it?

Creativity Loosed...

I consider myself to be a fairly creative person. I've always enjoyed making things. I love crafting and painting, writing stories and songs, building, gluing and sewing. I always come out with more than I intended to buy when I go to Hobby Lobby. The thing about my creativity is that I insist that it be practical. I'm not sure why. Maybe because of the collection of strange and cumbersome (albeit fun to make!) objects I've collected and, consequently, had to throw out over the years?

That said, I have found plenty of ways to be creative since having children. I've made dress up clothes, crib bedding, curtains, wall decor and more. I even took a picture of my baby in a giant wash tub and hung it in our bathroom (free for me, since I already had the frame- $14.95 at the store for a kid I don't even know!) It's tons of fun and very practical. It hits a chord deep within me that I think God put there on purpose.

When I look at His creativity I see both beauty and practicality. I see colors on butterflies and ladybugs. I see rushing waters. I see petals on flowers. I see a child's eyes. As I observe all that He has made I can't help but notice that He made everything beautiful in its own special way. I also notice that the things He has made are all useful in one way or another. Not only that, but I see glimpses of God's character in everything He created. That's what I strive for. I want my creativity to flow from my personality into the things around me. To make things beautiful. To make what could be done in black and white full of color instead. If it can be done in canvas, let's make it out of silk- just to spice things up a bit. Let's make our own wall decor instead of buying something that 100,000 other Americans have hanging over their couches. I have so many ideas, but not enough wall space!

I admire people who can be creative just for the sake of being creative- and still find a use for what they've made. I want to give a shout-out to one such friend who has a blog that I love to visit. If you're looking for creative ideas and the courage to do that project you've been thinking of for months now, just check her out. Her work has inspired me many times to get out my sewing machine or paintbrushes. I love the passion she puts into everything she does. Through it all I can see her love for her family and her tenacity for making her house their "home". That's the kind of creativity I love- the kind that means something. 


That's not to say that being creative must always be practical. Sometimes it's just fun. Sometimes it's a stress relief. What is it for you? Practical? Fun? Foreign? If you're new to this whole creativity thing, I recommend starting where you are. Start with your kids. Glue macaroni noodles to construction paper. Go online to find all kinds of crafts, coloring pages (even for moms!), nifty tips and more! Check with your local library to see what sorts of crafting seminars are going on. Our library offered a quilting class not long ago (and it was super cheap!). If you're up to it, try an art class. I plan on taking a painting class one of these days (maybe when all of my kids are in school and I have time during the day???). Go out with a friend, cameras in hand, and take pictures of anything and everything you think might look good on a post card. You can critique each other's work and encourage one another along the way. 


The point is, go have fun. If you're too practical (like me), just get out of the box for an hour this weekend and try something new. Who cares if you have to throw it away? You might just like it enough to hang it in the living room! 

Sick Day...

I woke up at 3:30 yesterday morning to make Matthew a bottle. I could hear him crying, so I went into the kitchen, warmed the milk under the faucet and fiddled around in the dishwasher until I found all of the bottle pieces. My stomach ached, but I decided it was just indigestion from dinner the night before. When I walked into Matthew's room, I smelled something foul. Yep, it was throw up. He had a fever, too. I calmed him down, changed the sheets, changed his diaper and PJ's, wiped down the mattress with a Clorox wipe, the whole bit. He didn't want the bottle, so I rocked him back to sleep and prayed quietly that he would get better.

As I lay back down, my stomach began to churn and hurt. I felt nauseated. Indigestion. I thought to myself again. It took almost an hour, but I finally fell back to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I was sick. So much for the indigestion theory, right? Courtney came into my room begging for breakfast. Matthew let out that "Get me outta here!" cry from his bedroom. I knew I had a long day ahead of me.

I'm tough! I thought to myself. I can do anything as long as I'm relying on God to be my strength! I prayed and started the day.

Thankfully, Matthew slept a lot. I think he took 3 or 4 naps (probably due to the Tylenol for his fever). He was in a good mood during his awake times. Courtney is almost self-sufficient at this point. She played quietly in her room most of the day. Now and then I would hear the refrigerator open or the pantry door slam shut. I ventured out of my bed a few times to find half-eaten biscuits, string cheese and tortillas lying around the house, but I was just glad she was able to get her own food.

I learned an important lesson. You see, I have been meaning to learn how to rest for awhile now. It's not something I've ever been very good at. I'm more of a task-oriented person. I don't like idle time. I have a hard time sitting on the couch to think or read. I love getting out of the house to drive around town, walk around the mall or whatever. I have a hard time being still. I've come to blame my children for my restlessness, but I discovered yesterday that it's all me. They don't need me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off in order to get through their days. I felt like God whispered to my heart a few days ago that I needed to model rest to them if they were to learn it. Getting sick was just what I needed to kick into gear.

Yesterday I couldn't help it. I was sick. (REALLY sick.) Courtney and Matthew each had time in my bed where we sat quietly. Courtney and I talked about all sorts of things. Matthew and I played little games (peek-a-boo and what-not). It was awesome (except for the part when Courtney decided to jump on the bed). Today I have been trying to take it easy. I don't feel sick, but since I got so dehydrated yesterday I want to make sure I don't overdo it. So this morning I made it a point to turn on the radio in Courtney's room and read to the kids. They loved it. We sat quietly, listening to the music. I realized that many times I feel busy but I'm not very productive. I also realized that I need to take time to rest each day. I used to do that in college to alleviate stress. I'd draw, play guitar, play racquetball (not resting in the traditional sense, but restful to me)- anything to take my mind off of the day-to-day busyness and refresh my mind, soul & body. So now I'm on a mission to find time each day to rest. I'm sure it will be different every day, but I need it, nonetheless.

So my question for all of you: How do you rest? What is your escape? I'd love to hear your comments, as I'm still new to all of this. I could use all the help I can get!

Oh, and one more thing: The world didn't come to an end just because I spent most of the day in bed. Sure, food was strung all over the house and I found blue highlighter on several objects (came off easily, so I'm not too stressed). But overall it was a good day- and we just picked up today as if nothing were out of the ordinary. I have to give props to my husband, who stayed home from a meeting to help me out. He fed the kids and got them to bed, cleaned up and made things so easy for me. I was able to go to bed at 8pm! It just made me wonder if I were to practice resting instead of driving myself crazy go-go-going 24/7, how different could life be?

Clean Freak...

We have an unspoken rule in our house: your room should be clean before you go to bed. (Not that I always personally adhere to it- it's mostly for the kids). We started this about 2 years ago when Courtney first started sleeping in a big-girl bed. We were worried that if her toys were all over the floor, she might wake up in the middle of the night. Then, either A) she could trip on them and fall, or B) Keith and I would be digging Barbie shoes out of our feet in the dark. No fun for anybody. So we started cleaning up before bedtime as part of her daily chores.

We didn't have to try hard. Courtney is, by nature, a very organized person. She has a place for everything and everything goes in its place. Very rarely do I find a kitchen toy in her shoe basket or a Barbie in the toy box. She has baskets and buckets and shelves, and is very particular about how things go. This is an amazing quality, from the viewpoint of a mom. I've tried my best to encourage it, but last night I couldn't stop laughing about it!

Courtney had gone to bed: teeth brushed, story, bedtime prayers, the whole bit. She had been quiet for about 5 minutes, when all of a sudden she started to cry hysterically. She rushed out of her room, tears flowing down her face, hands clasped together in a way that would put the best beggars to shame.

"Oh, Daddy!" She cried in a pitiful, Shirley Temple impression. "Oh, Daddy, oh Daddy!!"
"Yes, Courtney?"
"Oh, Daddy, I just have to put things away, but I don't know where they go. They're all out and they're not where they go! I don't know what to do! I have to put them away, Daddy! Oh, Daddy, will you help me put them away?"

Keith tried not to laugh, but had to turn his head and regain his composure before answering her. Of course, it didn't help that I was sitting behind her, clasping my hands together, mouthing "Oh, Daddy! Help me, Daddy!" I can't remember what was out of sorts. Keith went into her room and helped her with it, whatever it was.

The point is, I can't decide if we've created a monster or a miracle? This is not the first time it's caused trouble. Her messy room has kept us from going to the mailbox, the grocery store and countless other places until it was clean. (Of course, I just go to the mailbox alone now that she's older, and she finally understands that she can clean up when she gets home.) She's just always been that way.

I hope she keeps it up (but learns to balance it). I mean, really- wouldn't it be nice to have a teenager who insists that her room be tidy before going to a friend's house after school? Or would it be a nightmare to have a teenager who is late to school every morning because she insisted that she get all of her laundry put away before heading to the bus stop? Hmmm. I'm not quite sure what I'm in for, but I'm happy to be on the ride!

Behavior Beanie Bags??

I just wanted to share my latest stroke of genius with you all...

A few weeks ago, I was at the mall with the kiddos. They do fine while we're walking up and down the main strip or looking at "kid stuff", but when it comes to finding a new shirt for mommy, well, they're less than patient. They have nothing to keep them interested (aside from racks of clothes which they've been told not to jump into). So in a pinch, I pulled out some pennies from my purse. I gave them to Courtney (age 4) and told her they were "Good Attitude Pennies". If she was behaving, she could keep them and put them in her piggy bank when she got home. If she misbehaved, not only would she receive the usual consequence but would have to give me a penny as well. It worked GREAT!

I've used similar reward systems several times since, at different places, using different objects from my purse (today we used an old sticker with no sticky left to it) and different prizes: get to play at the mall playground an extra 5 minutes, get to pick the flavor of yogurt we buy, get some gummy fruit snacks when we get home, get to pick if we have green beans or broccoli at dinner, etc. Nothing extravagant. Just privileges she would already have, if her behavior were good.

This serves merely as a reminder to help her think about how she is behaving in the moment. She carries around the object and I ask her every 5-10 minutes if she still has her "Good Attitude" with her. Another plus is that it's a GREAT distraction when I need her to sit still for a few minutes. Kids can make up all sorts of games on the spot!

So today I had my sewing machine out, finishing Matthew's new crib sheets. Before I put it away, I made little trinkets (bean bags) to serve as my new "Behavior Beanies" (because anything that ends in an "ie" sound is automatically fun for a 4 yr old, right?). If you know how to sew, you probably don't need to continue on with this tutorial but if you're new to this, here is what I did:

STEP 1
Fold fabric in half so that it is 2 layers thick. Trace a pattern onto the back side of fabric. Then, with front sides together, cut out shapes.

STEP 2
Sew around the shape, leaving a space large enough to turn your fabric inside out and put beans inside:

STEP 3:
Turn right-side-out (a pencil helps) and fill with beans. Not too many, just enough to make an interesting texture to keep your child busy:

STEP 4
Fold in the open top (use that pencil again, if you have to) and sew closed. You can hand stitch or use your machine, as long as you don't have too many beans in there. And that's it! I made different shapes to keep things interesting. If you mess up, don't sweat it. Just make it fun:

And so, these little guys live in my purse now, along with who knows what else?!? But at least I'll have them in a pinch, when Courtney needs a little help remembering her good attitude and manners.

Oh, to be loved...

Today I wanted to post a video and lyrics to one of my favorite David Crowder Band songs. The video is cool but can be distracting if you're trying to focus on the words, so I've posted the words below if you want to scroll down and follow along while the song plays.


One of my all-time favorite scriptures describes who Jesus is. It's found in Colossians 1:15-20.

"The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.

 For in him all things were created:

 things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;

 all things have been created through him and for him.

 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the

 dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him,and through him to reconcile to 

himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by

 making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."

What are the ramifications of being loved by the One who holds the earth in the palm of His hand? By the only One with the power to reconcile all things to Himself? If we were to make a list it would compare to a mere drop in the ocean. Just let this song wash over your soul today and remember that God loves you- and I mean that more than just in the cheesy Vacation Bible School smiley-face sticker way. I mean, really. He LOVES you. Like a perfect Father to his children. Like a Husband to his bride. Like a Friend. Like a Creator to His creation. He LOVES you. Just sit and think about that for a bit while this song plays.






He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so


Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Disappointment...

Today I'm processing about disappointment. Recently (as in about 30 minutes ago) I found out that the owner of a house we want can not meet us at a reasonable price for our budget. I had let myself fall completely in love with this house. In my mind, it was perfect.

But then again, a lot of things that I thought were perfect for me were actually not at all what I needed. Specifically, I recall the disappointments I faced in my twenties- maybe because they were the most recent? I was disappointed that I couldn't get financial aid as a ministry major, so I majored in social work instead. It was an amazing journey- I learned much about myself and what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I was disappointed when my freshman roommate decided to live alone, but I was given the privilege of rooming with an amazing girl from Ukraine for two years. We became great friends. I felt disappointed when several relationships didn't work out, but I found Keith and have been happily married for 6 yrs- and I wouldn't trade him. I would re-live those disappointments again and again to gain the experiences that followed and the lessons I learned.

I suppose disappointment is just part of the journey to becoming mature in our relationship with Christ. It reminds us to seek His face, not His hands so to speak. I have to be reminded from time to time to thank God for who He is, not just what He does. At the end of the day, no matter what disappointments I have faced, I can remember that God is faithful. He loves me. He wants what is best for me, and if I am submitted to Him I will find His will. He has a plan for me that is good, not harmful. It will prosper me. It will bless my life. (See Jeremiah 29:11) So what is the point in wallowing in self pity because this one thing didn't work out? Good question.

I still feel sad about the situation, but I have a new perspective through which to process my thoughts. I am not necessarily throwing my hands up to say "I give up"- I know God could still do a miracle here. But even if nothing else ever comes of this, I can still have hope that God will provide a place for us that really is perfect- a place that will cause me to look back on this situation and think, "I'm so glad that didn't work out." I can rest assured that He will do something good in my heart through all of this as well. And I'm thankful for that hope- my Hope- Jesus.

Isn't it amazing to know that our Hope is not just a feeling, but a real, living Person with the power to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine? (See Ephesians 3:20).

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Friends...

Today was a beautiful day. Oh, it rained, for sure- it rained hard. The sun barely poked through the clouds for a few moments. But it was a beautiful day in my heart. Nothing incredible happened, but I was blessed to spend a few hours of my day with some beautiful women (inside and out) at our playgroup and then at lunch- and it blessed my heart.

I've always been one of those "I can do it alone" types. When I worked on team projects at school, I often felt as if the other students were getting in my way. It's not that they weren't helping, but that I didn't know how to receive help. God has used motherhood to straighten out some of those issues in my life, and I'm sure He will continue to work them out as I continue on my journey.

One way He has opened my eyes to my need for help is through Bible Studies and Playgroups geared toward moms of little ones. These groups have been such a blessing. Sometimes, as a stay-at-home mom, a person can feel overwhelmed and lonely when faced with the challenges that everyday life & child-rearing bring. It is so nice to hear someone vent about their child's egotistical rants, potty training issues and ear infections. (It's not nice to hear it because my kids never do those things- and it's definitely not what I want my friends to go through, but it's nice to hear it because I've been there and felt that! ) Of course, those complaints are always balanced by the cute stories of the same children exploring new places, experiencing new activities and crawling up into our laps to whisper "I love you" just before inciting a tickle fight. One of the great things about playgroups and mom-centered Bible studies is that we can all encourage each other, pray for each other and support each other in ways that only someone living in the same, diaper filled trenches can do.

Let me also add that there are amazing friends without kids who have some kind of strange way of understanding their "mom friends", even though they haven't experienced motherhood yet. They are incredibly important to me and help me to remember that life does not actually revolve around my children, haha! (Sometimes I need that glimpse into reality.) One such friend met me for lunch today. I was so encouraged to watch her interact with Courtney and Matthew while I ran back and forth from the table to the salad bar, the bathroom and the ice cream machine. Friends like that are hard to find, and so special.

*Smile*

I am so blessed to have friends who "get" what I'm going through- the good, the bad and the stinky- and love me anyway. So thank you, ladies, both near and far, who have taught me much about accepting help & advice through the most important and difficult challenge I face each day.

Freaking Out...

I know I've said it before, but I am amazed at how much I have learned about myself and God through my relationship with my children. Their behavior is oftentimes a reflection of my own attitudes and behaviors toward God.

Over the last few weeks we've been learning about hearing God in our church. A few days ago, as I was talking to my husband about one of the sermons, a simple picture entered my mind. I understood immediately what it meant.

Many times, when our four year old is upset, she works herself into such a frenzy that she literally cannot process anything we say. The picture that entered my mind that day was of me, holding my little girl's face in my hands, calmly trying to get her attention: "Baby, Courtney, Courtney. Look at me. Listen. Shhhhh. Let's calm down and listen." It usually takes a few minutes before she calms down enough to hear me out. All the while, as her head is in my hands, her eyes are roaming from side to side, usually looking at whatever caused her grief in the first place. When she finally looks into my eyes, her attitude changes. It's as if she realizes that I'm on her team, ready to help. She usually sits in my lap at that point and we talk about her problem.

I realized that sometimes I do the same thing with God. There are times when I get so worked up in a tizzy about my current crisis (big or small) that I can't even begin to process what God is saying. Even as He's speaking peace to my heart I'm looking at my problem, ignoring His words. I wonder how quickly I could get through some of my tough times if, instead of looking at my problem and freaking out, I would just look into God's eyes, sit in His lap and talk to Him about it like a big girl?

Let's all be big girls today.

Weaning...

A few people have asked me lately how weaning is going. "So far so good!" I'd tell them with a smile. For the last few weeks, Matthew (my recently-turned 1 yr old) has been on whole milk during the day and only one nursing session in the middle of the night. Everything was going beautifully. He transitioned to a sippy cup and solid food with no problems. He loves whole milk so much that he tries to drink it from the jug when I set it beside him in the grocery cart. He has always been my good sleeper, and for the past several months he's been sleeping through the night with one (sometimes two) feedings. YAY ME!! I thought to myself, as I remembered how tough it was to get my first born to sleep through the night.

Then 3 nights ago everything changed. There was no more milk. Where did it go? I have no idea, but it's gone. Matthew nursed but wasn't satisfied. He then drank 12 oz of warm whole milk before going back to sleep. I was up for 2 hours or more- I can't remember. The next night he wanted nothing to do with the bottle. He had a few sips and then let me rock him to sleep with "Nummy" (pacifier). Now here we are on night three (it's 3:50am as I'm writing this post).

Let me interject for just a moment to let you know that Nummy is gone. We have no idea where he is. This is a big problem for a weaning baby! A Nummy is a mom's best friend when the baby wants what he can't have. *sigh* We've searched the house high and low, looked in shoes, emptied laundry baskets, checked drawers and looked under beds. I remember where it was when we returned from the grocery store. I told myself: So that's where it is- I need to remember that at bedtime. When bedtime rolled around it was nowhere in sight. We put one of Courtney's old Nuks in the crib with him, but he prefers the big round green ones, so it was a long shot. And yes, we only have one. (Mistake #1).

Oh, and he's teething.

Back to the story.

He woke up at 1:48. Our pediatrician's words rang in my ear: He doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night. You can try other methods for getting him to self-soothe. So, I let him cry for just a few minutes. Then I remembered that Nummy was MIA, so I decided to get him some milk. I fumbled my way to the fridge and put the milk in a sippy cup because I couldn't find a bottle (Mistake #2). I went into his room and offered the cup and Alternate Nummy, only to be met with fits and tears. I put him back in the bed and went to my room to let him cry it out for a few minutes (Mistake #3).

A few minutes turned into an hour and 10 minutes. I tried twice more to comfort him, but he was so worked up that he could not calm down. It was obvious that he wanted to nurse, and quite clear that he was not happy about his new feeding arrangements. Finally, at 3am I took him to the living room, turned on a lamp and grabbed a  lift-a-flap book. Suddenly he was all smiles. He drank his milk, played with his toys, ate some Lucky Charms, finished off part of my apple and went back to bed- at 3:56am. So here we are now at 4am and I hear him wimpering.

No Nummy. I'm sure that's the reason. I have no idea where it is. This morning I searched for twenty minutes before finding it in a pair of panties in the living room floor. (My oldest decided the laundry basket was her cat cage, so she had to dump the folded laundry onto the floor and trap her brother). We were going to the doctor's office for shots, so I searched desperately. Literally 2 seconds after saying Amen I found it and thanked God for answering my prayer. I didn't find it tonight, however, so I can only assume that God has a lesson He wants me to learn from all of this.

Now he's crying full force. It is 4:10.

One thing I have enjoyed over the last few nights is the quiet time I've had once he falls back to sleep. I seem to hear God best in the middle of the night- possibly because I am not distracted by to-do lists or children or social media (yeah, I said it). On average, it takes me a full 30-45 minutes to fall to sleep, so I've had a lot of down time to think, pray and just be still. Right now I'm listening to a thunderstorm outside. Matthew's cries are beginning to wane. Maybe he'll go to sleep again soon? I don't know, it's just nice to be quiet, still and alone sometimes when your day is full of busyness and noise.

4:14am

The storm is picking up, but the thunder sounds further away.

Matthew is still crying.

4:25am

I took a short break to watch Anita Renfroe on Youtube. Somewhere in the last few minutes Matthew fell soundly to sleep. I think I'll head to bed as well. I love lying in bed listening to the rain. And to think, if Matthew had slept all night I would have missed it!

Perhaps tomorrow we'll find Nummy... poor, lost, lonely & afraid Nummy.

O' Nummy, where art thou?

How to Make a Tulle Skirt...

YAY!! Today's post is a how to!

I have to give credit to my friend, Kelly H., for this one. She brought the idea to me and we both agreed that it was super cute and super easy! (I apologize if this is somewhere online already.) So we arranged a playdate/craftdate. The girls played while we sewed. Our girls love these skirts, and it's a great way to recycle some of those shorts that still fit in the waist but are too short. Here's what we did:

Materials Needed:
Shorts (Kelly used a jean skirt and it worked great!)
2" Ribbon (Length will depend on the circumference of your skirt)
Approx. 1 yd Tulle (we used 2 colors to add some flare- get more than 1 yd if you're making a larger skirt)
Scissors
Pins
Thread
Measuring Tape
Safety Pin
Sewing Machine

STEP 1:
Decide where you want the tulle to start. I put the shorts on my daughter, held up some tulle and then put a safety pin where I thought it might look good. Later you can measure all around from that one point to make sure you get it all even.

STEP 2: Iron the ribbon in half, so that it makes a nice cranny for the tulle:

STEP 3:
Fold the tulle in halves lengthwise until you get the desired thickness. We folded about 3 times. Pin it at the top so it won't slip when you sew. (There are no pins in my pic- sorry!) Use a basting stitch to cause tulle to ruffle. I set my stitch length on 5.0. Do not backstitch. **BE SURE TO LEAVE LOTS OF THREAD AT BOTH ENDS!!**

STEP 4: Pull threads to cause tulle to ruffle. Run your fingers up and down the top so that the ruffle evens out:

Should look something like this:

STEP 5:
Tuck the top edge of the ruffled tulle into the ribbon you ironed earlier. Pin in place and stitch a seam at the lower edge. **BE SURE TO READJUST YOUR STITCH SETTING TO A NORMAL STITCH!!** (I always forget that part!)

STEP 6:
Pin the tulle addition onto the shorts. Measure from the safety pin to the leg hem to find the right length, then use that measurement all around the shorts to make sure you're pinning it on evenly. Start at a seam (I used the middle back seam- you can use a side or the back). At this point, I made my daughter try it on again (being careful of the pins) just to make sure it was where I wanted it. Once pinned, sew it onto the shorts. I took my time on this part to make sure I didn't accidentally sew the shorts together (Note: And I still sewed them together a bit, haha!)

That's it! You're all done! Afterward, I trimmed the tulle because it looked a little long. It was super easy and our girls loved being "twins" at church a few days later. I used the leftover ribbon to make a bow. Kelly made a bow she can pin onto the skirt. The ideas are endless!

Enjoy!!

Earth Errands...

He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory.”

I replied, “But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.”

Isaiah 49:3-4

I don't know about you, but this is how I feel some days. I wonder if the work I'm doing will bear any fruit whatsoever. Really? I think, Does it really matter, Lord, if I put the clothes away or pick up the Cheerios or go to the grocery store? I know these things need to be done, but I wonder if they're of any eternal value. I tend to think of certain things as "Heaven Errands" and others as "Earth Errands". 

Earth Errands, to me, are all of the things I need to get done in a given day. They're usually written in my calendar. For instance, today is Monday. That means I'll have to get the garbage out to the curb. I will wash the kids' laundry, do the dishes, make the bed and a slew of other things that must be done. Tomorrow will be more of the same, with a trip to the doctor (shots for the kids- ouch!), a quick run to the grocery store, and an appointment at Subaru to see why my car has recently decided to sputter. Earth Errands. 

Heaven Errands are what I'd consider the super spiritual stuff of the day: teaching my kids about Jesus, praying with someone, giving to the poor. They're the things that count for eternity (in my book).

But may I suggest to you today that all of the Earth Errands can count for eternity as well? Throughout the Bible I see a common theme: We're to do God's work as we go. Two specific verses come to mind:

Matthew 28:19:  "Therefore GO and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

This word "go" is poreuō in Greek. It means "to pursue the journey on which one has entered, to continue on one's journey" (1). In other words, "As you continue on the journey you're already on, show people how to follow Jesus."

Deuteronomy 6:6-7:  "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." 

*"When you sit" is yashab in Hebrew.It can mean to literally sit, or it can mean to make your abode or dwell (2). 

*Interestingly, "at home" (bayith) can mean "at home" or household affairs (think Cheerios, diapers and the grocery store) (3). 

*"When you walk" is halak. It means, "1) to go, walk, come, depart, proceed, move, go away 2) to die, live, manner of life (fig.)" (4) 

*The word "road" is derek. It can mean "1) way, road, distance, journey, manner a) road, way, path b) journey c) direction d) manner, habit, way e) of course of life (fig.) f) of moral character (fig.)" (5) 

In other words, it might be interpreted as: "Talk about God's commands with your kiddos as you live your life and walk the course laid out before you, going about all of the mundane tasks of your day." 

Those are just two examples of letting God use the everyday Earth Errands in our lives. Several others come to mind: The Samaritan woman went to the well to get water- something she did every day- and she encountered Jesus there. Her whole village was changed. God spoke to Gideon while he was threshing wheat in a wine press.  Jesus performed miracles for fishermen while they were at work. Jesus didn't say "Ok, I'm going to go into the city to pray for people for one hour, then I'll run a few errands and maybe catch a little nap." He ministered as he went. All through the Gospels we see that Jesus was often on his way someplace when he healed, taught or set the Pharisees straight. So why not us, as well? 

We may not see our reward right away. We have to entrust it to God. Who but He knows what treasures you're storing up in your children's hearts by being faithful and diligent in your housework? Never underestimate the power of a smile at the grocery store, the magnitude of a kind word to a co-worker or the impression of Jesus you may leave on the guy at the gas station. The Earth Errands can count for eternity, too, even when we feel like they're useless wastes of our time. My challenge to you (and to myself) today is to ask God to live through you as you go about your day to day routines. Trust Him to reward you in His way at just the right time. He is with you.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Starting Over...

This morning didn't exactly turn out the way I expected. When I went to bed (late) last night, I thought I'd wake up once or twice to tend to the baby and then our 4 yr old would come springing into our bed at around 8:30 as the morning sun shone through the window and the birds chirped outside. We'd all get up, shower, have breakfast and get ready for church. Instead, when Matthew woke up at 4:49am he refused to go back to sleep. So I went back to my bed and listened to him cry, thinking surely he'll go back down- he's SO sleepy! Long story short, he woke his sister, ate breakfast (again) and went back to sleep at around 7:40. I was not a happy mama, to say the least.

I put the kids to the table with some cereal and hid in the bathroom where I could have enough privacy for an all-out pity party. I was angry. I felt sorry for myself. I was tired. I knew my attitude was stinky, so I started to pray through clenched teeth, "Lord, change my attitude. Help me out here. I don't want to be bitter, but I'm just so tired..." Suddenly I heard the Holy Spirit speak to the ears of my heart: "Kristi, you don't want to change your attitude."

OUCH!! He was right. I didn't want to change my attitude. It puffed up my pride to think that the world (or my children, or my husband) owed me something for getting up so early- for sacrificing sleep and selflessly caring for a helpless little child in the wee hours of the morning (note the sarcasm). Boo-hoo for me. Everyone feel sorry for me! I shouted to the world through a fake, quiet smile. As terrible as it made me feel, I was having too much fun. Pity parties are like that, you know. It's like having a party all by yourself. You decorate, prepare the snacks, plan the music and then refuse to send out invitations because they wouldn't come anyway- besides, they don't deserve to come to my party after what they did! Then you dance by yourself and win all the party games because you have no one to play with. You overindulge on the snacks and drink 40 Capri-Sun's. You convince yourself that you're having a good time, but inside you're lonely. Then it's no fun anymore- for anyone.

So, after God kindly corrected me, I decided to start my morning over again with the right attitude. I put on a little David Crowder Band and read the Scriptures that are emailed to me every morning. It was the perfect antidote to my bad attitude. When I stopped thinking of myself it released me from the prison of pity I had built with my own thoughts.

And so I leave you with this verse in hopes that we all can steer clear of the pity parties today- I pray I can stop thinking so much about myself and start thinking of the things that honor God:

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Phil 4:8

Changes...

My daughter has been begging for a baby girl. She tells God in her prayers that she would really really REALLY like Him to put one in my belly. Every time we shop she finds something for her new baby sister- clothes, toys, marshmallows, you name it. Let me set the record straight and let you all know that I am not pregnant, nor do I plan to be any time soon. My son just turned one yesterday, So I'm free and clear of all baby fever. Courtney, however, is obsessed... or, she was anyway.

We've been house hunting for over a year now. It's been rather frustrating- especially for Courtney, who has tagged along with me for 20 months now through snow, heat waves, spider webs and moth balls. It's been quite a ride.

Yesterday, on our way to see yet another home, Courtney asked why we were house hunting. I explained that if we have another baby we'll need more room. She is the kind of kid who has an answer for everything, so she devised the following plan: "The new baby can sleep in Matthew's crib and I can get a new big-girl bed!" Where would Matthew go? She didn't have an answer for that one. As she realized that a bigger family would  require a larger home, her obsession with babies fizzled away. "I don't want a new baby anymore." She explained that she changed her mind because she didn't want to move.

I totally get it- I'm the same way, in some respects. I love change when it's new and exciting and fun, but when that event causes a ripple effect, requiring more change, I lose interest. I love a new haircut, rearranging my furniture, a new car with a big red bow on it (hint, hint honey!), but the big changes take some getting used to.  They're the kind that send me running to God saying something like I had a plan! It was all going to work out just right. I know I've been begging for this, but I've changed my mind. I'm happy with things the way they are. But now that I think of it, the most amazing adventures of my life have all started with a risky, rippling change: job decisions, marriage, having children and more. And you know what? The ripples may have shaken things up a bit, but the water smoothed out eventually. Things went back to normal- a new normal- a better normal.

There are a few changes taking place in my life right now that I'm a bit nervous about- like house hunting, sending my 4 yr old to pre-K and my babies growing up... but I have to remember that the changes in my life are often the start of new adventures. I just hope I can face them with joy and boldness instead of losing interest, shutting myself off or telling God, "Thanks but no thanks!"

Pooping in Peace...

I like to think this is a place where we can all be honest. I've been told that I should be careful what I post online because I never know how far it will go or who will read it- so I'm going out on a limb here. I'm just going to be real with you all. I have a little secret: Sometimes, I poop.

Don't judge me. 

If we were honest we'd all have to admit that at some time in our lives we have all done it. Ok, so now that that is out of the way, let me share my morning with you all.

I don't know what it's like in your house, but for some reason it seems that everyone here needs to "go" at the same time. So this morning, just after I finished changing Matthew's stinky diaper, Courtney headed to the potty. I thought, "Hey, I may as well go, too." So we all set out for our respective potties. As a stay-at-home mom, I rarely get to use the bathroom without some conversation or crisis, so I'm accustomed to leaving the door open so I can listen to my children. That way I know if they're getting into trouble.

So there I sat, door open, listening intently and hurrying as best I could, while Courtney kicked her potty stool from atop the toilet and Matthew hummed in the living room as he ate Fruit Loops. Suddenly things were quiet- not a good sign. Then I heard Matthew panting as he made his way on all fours to the hall bathroom, where his sister sat singing.

"What's he doing?" I yelled through the wall.

"He's just standing up and holding on to my stool." Ah, good. At least he wasn't in the trash can or touching the potty. "He's trying to get into the bathtub."

I didn't worry because I've seen him try to climb in before, to no avail. His little legs are too short and he hasn't learned how to use his toes to grip the side of the tub yet... yet.

THUNK!!

CRASH!!

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

"WHAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I knew immediately what had happened. Of course, there wasn't much I could do from where I sat. Courtney freaked out, screaming, "AHHH!!! HE FELL IN THE BATHTUB! HE FELL IN THE BATHTUB!!" While Matthew screamed at the top of his lungs. I sensed by his cry that he was hurt and scared, so I finished up my paperwork as quickly as I could, running to the other bathroom while trying not to trip as I pulled my jeans up around my waist, unsure of the scene I would witness as I rounded the corner to the hall bath.

There it was. Courtney sat on the toilet in tears while Matthew stood in the bathtub, also in tears. It was complete chaos. Everyone was screaming. I picked up my son and consoled his sister as she went on and on with the "why's" (of course). "Why did he fall in? Why was he trying to get in there? Why didn't you come at first? Why is he still screaming? Why? Why? Why?" 

Before long I had them both calmed down. Matthew started babbling and Courtney went on to play. Whew- no concussion. He's fine, other than a 4 inch circular bruise around his left eye from hitting a bath toy (I've attached a pic). *SIGH*

And so another day goes by where I don't get to sit on the toilet in peace... but I'll live. I'm actually rather used to it by now (although I must interject here to say thanks to my hubs who keeps the kids at bay when he's home). I just keep telling myself that the day is coming when I will once again be able to close the bathroom door and pay no attention to the outside world. I'll finally be able to poop in peace.

Bad Mama...

I just finished one of the best burgers ever (and I made it at home, go figure)! Of course, I enjoyed it while reading blogs and checking Facebook and being a rather bad mama. I say this tongue-in-cheek, of course, because I know I'm not a bad mom. I just don't look like the Magazine Moms whose children look like models and clean their rooms and eat healthy butternut squash casseroles with fresh sprigs of something green on top. Here's what's going on at my house right now:

I just finished an A-mazing cheeseburger while my 4 yr old wasn't cleaning her room. She started on it over an hour and a half ago. It really wasn't very messy- just a few toys and a T-shirt and a hot-pink feather boa. The deal was that it had to be done before she could eat dinner. Seeing that the job would take me 11/2 minutes, I assumed it would take her about 15 minutes, thus an hour would be plenty of time. Nope. So I ate without her. (Bad mama!) Don't worry much about her, though. She can eat when her room is clean.

While I was eating, my 1 year old had a tray full of peas... which he thoroughly enjoyed smashing between his fingers and throwing onto the floor. So, since it was obvious he didn't like the peas, I gave him a few potato chips. (Bad mama!) What kind of mom gives her baby chips, anyway?!? Um, me. Yep- it's out. Stop the presses! I'm not perfect! In fact, while we're confessing here, let me tell you a few other bad Mama moments:

* Sometimes my kids go an entire day with no vegetables other than pizza sauce.

* I haven't signed my 4 year old up for dance, gymnastics, piano lessons or any other extra-curricular activity.

* I often pretend to listen to my four year old while thinking of something else. I listen just closely enough to pick up her tones and key words so that I know how to respond, but I'm really thinking of the grocery list, the  bills or how much I'd love to get on What Not To Wear so that I can get a whole new wardrobe for free.

* Sometimes I let my kid spend up to two hours playing on nickjr.com if I am watching a movie and don't want to be interrupted (*GASP!*)

* Sometimes I let my 4 yr old think she's lost if she wanders away at the store so I can teach her a lesson. (But I think she's on to me now because she doesn't get scared anymore.)

*Sometimes I even let my 1 yr old carry a sippy cup full of milk around the house all day (the dentist lectured me about this one).

Oh, I know. I know! Such a bad mom. If the parenting magazines had my picture I'd be the poster kid for what not to do. According to them, my kids are going to grow up to be unhealthy, emotionally unstable adults with no understanding of real boundaries, no social skills and no sense of self-worth. They'll most likely turn to drugs or join the circus to ease the pain of the handful of times I lost my temper. Goodbye college fund and hello therapy bills. Paying for their first year's sessions is the least I could do after messing them up so badly.

Alright, so I'm exaggerating. I really just want to say that none of us are perfect. We can't let the books and magazines haunt us with false expectations. I've cried my eyes out unnecessarily over the littlest teeny-tiny things, only to realize later that my child didn't even notice. Lean on God's grace and just be the mom God made you to be. Give yourself a break. Ask around- I know tons of great people whose parents were an absolute mess. They turned out just fine. So don't worry if you are so tired that you forget your child's name (been there) or if you blow up because you just cleaned the entire house only to go back to the living room and find goldfish crumbs and blue marker all over the couch (done that). Don't stress over the small stuff. enjoy your kids. Enjoy motherhood and be a bad mama from time to time without feeling guilty. I hereby give you permission to be normal.