Blue Jean Blahs...

So, I've been working out. Hard. Some of you know this, as I've been posting my progress on Facebook. It's been so good! I have only lost 3 lbs, but my muscle to fat ratio has improved significantly. I've lost 2.5 inches in my waist and 2 inches in my hips. I even bought a size 8 dress for the first time since my wedding dress! I went out Sunday with my hubs (birthday date- woot!!) feeling pretty and lean. We went to the mall to see a movie, then to PF Changs for dinner. We had about an hour before the movie started, so we decided to pick up some jeans for Hubs. He's needed some for a while. I glanced in the mirror in the restroom and thought, "Good job! Kristi, you've been working so hard and it's really paying off!" Two days earlier, I took my monthly progress picture, and I could see some amazing results, even in the short 8 weeks I've been working out. I felt great!

Then we stepped into the department store...

Hubs disappeared into the dressing room to try on several pairs of jeans, so I texted him something like "I'ma try on some jeans 2." They were on sale, after all. I gathered up a few of my favorite cut, but noticed that they weren't exactly the same as my old jeans. Of course, I bought my faves almost 5 yrs ago, when stretchy fabric was not even an option at this particular store. The trouble with the stretch jeans is that they fit so much tighter in the hips and thighs- I think they're supposed to, but I have no idea. I'm no fashionista, which may have been part of my problem.

Back to the story.

I went into the dressing room with what I thought must be my size, and then one size smaller, in hopes that the 2" I'd lost in my hips would pay off... they didn't. The jeans looked AWFUL!! It was most likely the cut, the stretchy fabric, or something along those lines. They seemed to "fit" inasmuch as I got into them just fine, they buttoned in the right place, nothing was "hanging over" the edges, and I felt no pain when I bent over... but they were disgustingly tight. I wanted to cry.

I had dreamt up this amazing moment in my mind of what it would be like to try on jeans. I've never really liked jeans shopping. Somehow, I thought this time would be different. I imagined myself like the girl on the Special K commercial- you know the one- trying on jeans, admiring my new, slimmer figure in the mirror, excited that I could get away with something so cute as a red bikini (although I'd never wear one in public). It didn't help that I was surrounded by overized pictures of 19 year olds wearing the same jeans and looking A-mazing. I brushed it off (sort of), put the jeans away and brushed my hair, suddenly convinced that it was my best feature.

What happened??? Not even 20 minutes earlier, I was giving myself a high-five in the mirror! Now, after trying on one little pair of jeans, I was ready to cry. I told Hubs all about it as we walked across the mall to the theater.  He was unreasonably patient as I vented- perhaps because it was my birthday? We went to the movie and I forgot about my ranting. Afterward we went to PF Changs for dinner. I loved every bite, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but feel guilty for eating so much. All I could think about were those jeans.

The next day, I was still loaded up on MSG. I felt bloated and moody. I started my workout and hated every minute. That's a first for me. I love working out- always have. Halfway through, I considered calling Hubs for a pep-talk. Luckily, he drove up to the house for lunch at right about that time. He walked in and I started bawling my eyes out while doing squats. You should have seen it! I put down my weights, ran to him and cried, "I don't wanna work out anymore! It's not even worth it if I can't get into the jeans at the mall! Boo hoo hoo!" He tried to hug me, but I was covered in sweat, so his hand carefully touched my shoulder before finding a safe, dry spot on the back of my sports top. He listened for a few minutes as I ranted again, then reminded me of the progress I've made. He pointed out that the pictures showed how much I've changed. He gave me a few encouraging words, and I was all better. I decided to push through the rest of my workout. I'm glad I did. The next day, I was right back on track, and I had a great time working out. I even caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and felt thin.

I have been thinking a lot about that experience. How could I let one little pair of jeans nearly make a trainwreck of this particular part of my life? It's silly, really. But it happens. I've been learning so much about my walk with God through working out. I'll go into those lessons in later blog posts. Today I want to focus on discouragment. Sometimes we're trucking along, reading our Bibles, spending good quality time with Jesus, watching our attitudes and seeing little changes in our lives. We feel so encouraged and right with God- but then something little happens that sends us into a whirlwind of discouragment. We blow up at our kids, we disobey God, we lie, or do some other stupid thing. We let one little mistake make us feel completely ruined.

But the truth is this: Trying on those jeans didn't undo all of the hard work I'd done to lose my mama-belly. They didn't set me back at start. All they did was remind me of how far I still need to go to meet my goals. (And sometimes that sort of reminder is a good thing!) The jeans didn't change me, they only changed my perception of me. In the same way, whether I weigh a lot or a little, I am still me. Nothing can change that. Size 14 Kristi and size 8 Kristi are the same person when you get right down to it. Same habits, same preferences, same sense of humor, same pet peeves.

In our walk with Jesus, our goal is maturity in Christ. That's a long road. In my experience, it usually happens slowly and takes a lot of hard work (sort of like exercise). There is abundant grace from God to get there, and He helps us more than we could ever know, but there are tough decisions to be made along the way. There are habits to be formed or discarded. There are obstacles to overcome. Every time we lean on God's grace and walk in obedience, we grow a little more.

 The truth, however, is that while all of that hard work builds you up to be more mature, it doesn't change your position in Christ. If you are saved- if you've surrendered your life to Him- you are His child. Nothing can change that. All of your hard work will help you grow, but it won't make you more saved. Sometimes we let one little stumble change our perception of our maturity or position in Christ. I know I've done it a thousand times. I think, "Oh, I thought I was doing so well! I thought I was really on track with what God is doing in my life right now- but I ______, so I must be worse off than I thought! All that prayer isn't working, so it's not even worth it to get up early to pray!" Condemnation sets into my heart and discourages me. Doubt sets in, and it makes me want to give up- even more than I wanted to give up that day after trying on the blue jeans. Sometimes I press through, glad that I did, and reap the rewards of faithfulness. Other times, I'll confess, I give up for a day- or a week- or a month. I give up having my quiet time, or meeting with other believers, or praying. But God is always so faithful to call me back. He is always waiting for me with open arms, drawing me, as the Bible says, with cords of loving kindness. He is, as Hebrews 11:6 states, "a rewarder of them who diligently seek him." When I return to Him, I don't have to go back to "Start", but I am always reminded of the blessings I missed out on while I was off sulking in the corner, instead of living in the freedom of Jesus' love. Blessings of peace, joy and more.

So I leave you with this: Are you tracking along? Or has something as trivial as a pair of jeans thrown you off course? If you have given up, let me encourage you to push through. Get out of the pity corner and run to Jesus. Whether in your goals or in your walk with God, don't give up. God is waiting there for you, with encouragement and love. He is our Ever-present Help. Let Him remind you today, as my hubs did that day for me, of how far you've come and how worth it all of this really is.

Love Week- Days 5 & 6...

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day- are you ready? Just to re-cap, at our house we've been taking time each day to think about God's love, encourage one another and do an activity that expresses love. Check my archives for the last 4 days worth.

Day 5 didn't quite go as planned. I was up till 4am taking care of my son, who (I think) still has an ear infection, even after taking antibiotics last week. He's still pulling at his ears, clingy and not sleeping at night. So we were all exhausted. Courtney cried in her sleep every time he'd start crying. We went to church, came home, did some grocery shopping, had dinner and went to bed. I spoke with Courtney briefly about how we can show God love by worshipping Him, but I confess that it just didn't turn out the way I planned. No biggie- I'm learning that plans don't always turn out- and that's okay.

Day 6 was supposed to be "clean up at the park" day, but the weather turned nasty last night. Sleet, rain, cold cold cold temps- so we found something we could do at home instead: Pray. We discussed 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, which says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Then we took time to pray for some of our family. I had to try not to laugh as Courtney prayed for my 9 yr old brother, "God, please help J to clean his room, 'cus if he doesn't, Papa said he'd get a trash bag out and start throwing his stuff away- so let J say, 'I'll do it! I'll do it!' and get it all cleaned up. Jesus' Name, Amen." (My dad was half joking, by the way, when he told her that the other day, but it definitely made an impression.)

Tomorrow morning we'll head to Chick-fil-A for breakfast (a long-awaited treat!). It's been a good week, and I'm so glad that I took time to be intentional this week. One thing I've learned through it is that Courtney likes verbal praise, but it is in no way her love language. She would rather have us hold her hand, read to her or help her with her chores. She's an acts of service girl... and a gifts girl, of course- what kid isn't?? As a mama, that's a good thing to know! What are your kiddos' love languages? Tomorrow could be a great day if you can figure that out and hone in on that language to show your kiddos (husband, too!) how much you love them!

Love Week- Day 4...

Day four of Love Week is upon us- today was the day I stepped out of my comfort zone just a bit. We discussed John 3:16 and then made cookies for our neighbors.

We have a great sugar cookie recipe, so we whipped up a batch, added pink icing and sprinkles (ate a few while we were waiting for the last batch to get done) and took them to our neighbor. This is where it got tough for me. We don't know our neighbor very well. He introduced himself when we first moved in, and we've had a few "Can you believe this weather?" and "Has the mail run yet?" conversations, but that's about it... and I've been fine with that. I like to think I'm a fairly outgoing person, but I have come to realize over the last few years that I tend to lean toward the reclusive side if I'm not intentional about community. It's not that I'm shy, I just like my routines. It's easy as a mom of little ones to find myself completely out of touch with the rest of the world and have no idea how I got there. Busyness, sick kids, errands and everything else seem to get in the way. I'm often content with just checking Facebook posts and commenting on my friends' pictures, instead of getting out and meeting new people. Since we've moved to Texas, I confess that I still haven't met many people here. I've reconnected with some old friends and some family, but getting to know anyone new has not been on my agenda.

So, I'm a bit out of practice when it comes to working up the courage to go up and start a conversation with a stranger. Sounds silly, doesn't it? But some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, we wrapped the cookies and started toward the house next door. I kept remembering this idea that has been flooding my head as of late: If I don't step out of my comfort zones, neither will my children. Courtney is such a little mini-me when it comes to her personality. I look at her and I see myself, only without the baggage. She hasn't been rejected at the 3rd grade lunch table yet. She's never been told to mind her own business. She has yet to be a victim of a clique. She just loves everyone and believes they're all her friends- or could be, if they got to know her better. She is confident and outgoing, full of joy and great ideas. I want to nurture and shape that as much as possible while she is young...

So, here we go! Deep breath...

As we headed out the door, my heart raced. Why? Who knows? Keep going. I had already told Courtney we would go, so we had to follow through. Either I would step out and do the right thing, or I would cower away and break my daughter's heart. So I sucked it up. I "put on my big girl panties". I pulled up my bootstraps- or whatever you want to call it, and we started walking across the yard. We rang the bell. A minute later, a scowl slowly peeked around the door. Oh, great- he doesn't like visitors! He's having a bad day! This was a bad idea! I thought. Trying to break the ice, I smiled and said, "Hi! We were making Valentine's Day cookies today and thought we'd bring some over!" in my most cheerful, sing-song voice. His expression changed, a smile swept over his face, and he opened the door. He seemed genuinely surprised and blessed by our little act of love. We talked for a minute and then Courtney and I headed back across the yard.

...And, exhale.

I am so glad we took the cookies to the neighbor, but I realized that over the last few years my comfort zone has been shrinking. I have got to get back on the ball and stretch myself from time to time. The Kingdom of God is all about people and relationships. If I can get comfortable taking cookies to the neighbor, then I'm sure I can get comfortable doing other things to express God's love to people. Baby steps, for sure, but steps forward, nonetheless.

So my heart for all of you today is that you can find the courage to step out of your comfort zones to express God's love to someone in need. Start small if you have to. Cookies. Brownies. People love food. Think about the kind of person you want your child to grow up to be- and then model that for them, the best you can. Let God strengthen you as you go, but just GO. You never know- when you get out of your comfort zone, you may just find yourself acting like the person God created you to be!

Love Week- Day 3...

It's day three of "Love Week" at our house! Today we discussed 2 Corinthians 9:7, which says,

 "You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don't give reluctantly or in response to pressure. 'For God loves a cheerful giver'."

So, to show love to the people in our community, we gathered toys from our house and donated them. This was a great exercise for Courtney, who is constantly concerned about orphans and the poor. Her heart for them convicts me often. She has decided wholeheartedly that she will adopt when she's a grown-up, and that she will take in any child who needs help. I think a lot of kids at this age become worried about other children, but so often it's inconvenient for us as adults to take time to teach our kids to help. It's so important, as I stated yesterday, that we get out of our comfort zones- or our children never will. (I'm preaching to myself, here!) Some of these activities are so simple and easy- take a bag of toys to the donation center, make Valentine's Day cards for family, etc.- but some are more in-your-face. More of that later. Here is the activity for today, and a pic of my princess with a bag of toys she is giving away:

Have a great day!!

Love Week- Days 1 & 2...

You may remember the Valentine's Day wreath I posted a couple of weeks ago (click here to see it). Well, it's time to get started! Each day, the week before V-Day, I'm taking time to share a Bible verse about love with my 4 yr old. I'm also making a point to tell her one thing I love about her, and doing one activity that expresses love to someone else.

 I completely forgot about it yesterday, since we were at my parent's house, so this morning we simply talked about how visiting & encouraging people can show God's love. 

We also worked on today's activity: making Valentine's Day cards. Of course, her attention span was super-short, but we were able to make enough for her grandparents. As we made the cards we talked about God's love for us and how we can love others by sending them a sweet card. She used an ink pad and her thumbprints to make hearts & polka-dots, and they turned out so cute!

I'll continue to post our activities throughout the week, just in case you're looking for something to do with your little ones and want a few ideas. Maybe what we do here can spark a new creative idea for you! I've planned on several other activities, including cleaning up trash at the park and making cookies for our neighbors. Hopefully this will get us on the right track to start some community service. I want my kids to grow up knowing how to serve, and full of joy when they give of themselves to help someone else. I know myself, and I know that if I don't get out of my comfort zones, then my kids never will, either. So, here goes! Let's take time to be intentional about loving others this week as we gear up for Valentine's Day. It's not just about chocolate and lovers and perfume and what-not. It's a great opportunity to explain true love- God's love- to our kiddos, and help them discover how to show that love to others.