Starting Over...

This morning didn't exactly turn out the way I expected. When I went to bed (late) last night, I thought I'd wake up once or twice to tend to the baby and then our 4 yr old would come springing into our bed at around 8:30 as the morning sun shone through the window and the birds chirped outside. We'd all get up, shower, have breakfast and get ready for church. Instead, when Matthew woke up at 4:49am he refused to go back to sleep. So I went back to my bed and listened to him cry, thinking surely he'll go back down- he's SO sleepy! Long story short, he woke his sister, ate breakfast (again) and went back to sleep at around 7:40. I was not a happy mama, to say the least.

I put the kids to the table with some cereal and hid in the bathroom where I could have enough privacy for an all-out pity party. I was angry. I felt sorry for myself. I was tired. I knew my attitude was stinky, so I started to pray through clenched teeth, "Lord, change my attitude. Help me out here. I don't want to be bitter, but I'm just so tired..." Suddenly I heard the Holy Spirit speak to the ears of my heart: "Kristi, you don't want to change your attitude."

OUCH!! He was right. I didn't want to change my attitude. It puffed up my pride to think that the world (or my children, or my husband) owed me something for getting up so early- for sacrificing sleep and selflessly caring for a helpless little child in the wee hours of the morning (note the sarcasm). Boo-hoo for me. Everyone feel sorry for me! I shouted to the world through a fake, quiet smile. As terrible as it made me feel, I was having too much fun. Pity parties are like that, you know. It's like having a party all by yourself. You decorate, prepare the snacks, plan the music and then refuse to send out invitations because they wouldn't come anyway- besides, they don't deserve to come to my party after what they did! Then you dance by yourself and win all the party games because you have no one to play with. You overindulge on the snacks and drink 40 Capri-Sun's. You convince yourself that you're having a good time, but inside you're lonely. Then it's no fun anymore- for anyone.

So, after God kindly corrected me, I decided to start my morning over again with the right attitude. I put on a little David Crowder Band and read the Scriptures that are emailed to me every morning. It was the perfect antidote to my bad attitude. When I stopped thinking of myself it released me from the prison of pity I had built with my own thoughts.

And so I leave you with this verse in hopes that we all can steer clear of the pity parties today- I pray I can stop thinking so much about myself and start thinking of the things that honor God:

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Phil 4:8