But then again, a lot of things that I thought were perfect for me were actually not at all what I needed. Specifically, I recall the disappointments I faced in my twenties- maybe because they were the most recent? I was disappointed that I couldn't get financial aid as a ministry major, so I majored in social work instead. It was an amazing journey- I learned much about myself and what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I was disappointed when my freshman roommate decided to live alone, but I was given the privilege of rooming with an amazing girl from Ukraine for two years. We became great friends. I felt disappointed when several relationships didn't work out, but I found Keith and have been happily married for 6 yrs- and I wouldn't trade him. I would re-live those disappointments again and again to gain the experiences that followed and the lessons I learned.
I suppose disappointment is just part of the journey to becoming mature in our relationship with Christ. It reminds us to seek His face, not His hands so to speak. I have to be reminded from time to time to thank God for who He is, not just what He does. At the end of the day, no matter what disappointments I have faced, I can remember that God is faithful. He loves me. He wants what is best for me, and if I am submitted to Him I will find His will. He has a plan for me that is good, not harmful. It will prosper me. It will bless my life. (See Jeremiah 29:11) So what is the point in wallowing in self pity because this one thing didn't work out? Good question.
I still feel sad about the situation, but I have a new perspective through which to process my thoughts. I am not necessarily throwing my hands up to say "I give up"- I know God could still do a miracle here. But even if nothing else ever comes of this, I can still have hope that God will provide a place for us that really is perfect- a place that will cause me to look back on this situation and think, "I'm so glad that didn't work out." I can rest assured that He will do something good in my heart through all of this as well. And I'm thankful for that hope- my Hope- Jesus.
Isn't it amazing to know that our Hope is not just a feeling, but a real, living Person with the power to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine? (See Ephesians 3:20).
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28
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