The haircut...

My little princess got her hair cut today- and I CRIED! I do that a lot... cry. Not because I'm sad or depressed, but because I'm so thankful and I just get overwhelmed at the thought of my little girl growing up. We cut nearly 5 inches off into a little pixie cut. Let me just say, she's ADORABLE! I've wanted to get it done for a while, but she was completely against it. Somehow she was convinced that such an endeavor would turn her into a boy. I tried and tried to convince her otherwise, but to no avail. Then, this morning, as I was combing the knots out again and she was cringing in pain again, I mentioned that a haircut might solve this problem. "Let's get my hair cut!" she yelled, enthusiastically. Then I added, "Your hair will be short- just like DORA'S!!" as a little cherry on top, just to make sure she didn't change her mind.

She waited patiently as I got mine done (long story- my second haircut in two days). As she swiveled in the chair next to me I heard, "Is the hair cutter all through with you yet?" in about 10 different forms. [I find it amazing how children can ask the same question in so many ways, expecting a different answer each time.] Finally it was Courtney's turn. She watched as the first section was cut off- about 5 inches long, 2 inches wide. I saw panic in her eyes. I think the hairdresser did, too, because almost simultaneously we started throwing out the compliments. "Oh, you're going to look so pretty!" and what-not. Courtney ate these up and soon smiled. She said. "Oh, I just LOVE my new haircut!" She giggled and squirmed as the scissors touched her neck. She said they were cold and tickly. When it was over, everyone in the salon told her how beautiful she looked- like a little princess. She gleamed with delight and self-confidence. She was such a big girl, and now, more than ever, she looks like a kid- not a baby. I've noticed her looks changing over the last several weeks, but now it's official. My little girl is no baby. Not anymore.

My future son-in-law...

Collish.
  ... At least, I guess that's how you spell his name. Courtney has been talking about him for a while now. She says she's going to marry him. She's never met the boy, but that's what she calls him. Even this morning she came into the kitchen, gave me a hug and told me in a sing-song, dreamy, Disney Princess voice that one day a boy named Collish was going to come to her house and they were going to "get married together." She loves the thought of marriage. To my little princess, there is nothing more beautiful than her mama's wedding dress. She loves looking at our photos and asking me about that special day when her Daddy and I stood at the altar and promised God that we'd love and take care of each other for the rest of our lives... and then we did something really cool: we gave each other JEWELRY!! A little girl's dream come true!

  One might be puzzled about her obsession with marriage. (Then again, at three years old, isn't everything an obsession?) I'd like to look at it another way. Perhaps the cry in her heart is one that we all have. A cry placed in us by our God. Not to get married, per se, but to be unified in intimacy with our God. (I'm talking relational & emotional, not  the "physical intimacy" we normally associate with marriage).  The Bible calls the Church the "Bride of Christ". In Matthew 9:15, Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom. In John 3:28-29, John the Baptist used the Bride and Bridegroom as a reference for his mandate to prepare the way for Christ. And of course, among many other references of marriage and our relationship to Christ, we find these words in Revelation 19:6-9:

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.) Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”

  I still don't fully understand what being a part of the Bride of Christ means. I simply know that God loves me. He cherishes me and delights in me as a bridegroom delights in his bride. I believe that godly marriage has more to do with revelation than procreation. Yes, marriage was meant to create a safe environment in which to bear and raise our children, and I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage. But I have also gleaned so much from my marriage to Keith that has taught me about my relationship with God. Here are just a few:

• My relationship with God is unlike my relationship with anyone else. It's special and I must protect and nurture it first and foremost. I'm not always very good at this, but God is forever faithful. One of my favorite books of the Bible is Hosea, because it speaks so powerfully of God's love and desire for His people, even as they chase after other "gods", whether they be actual idols or things like money, power and vanity.

• God knows me better than anyone else on this earth- even better than I know myself. When I trust the One who knows me best, I can enjoy and reciprocate complete honesty and sincere devotion. I don't have to explain myself because God "gets me" like no one else. My husband is my best friend- and he "gets me". I can say one word and he hears the entire sentence I was thinking (most of the time, haha)... how much moreso it is with my Creator!

• The One who loves me most is my Christ. He is also the One who offers me the most sincere, life-giving correction I could ask for. So often I don't see the things that hold me back or hurt me. But God loves me enough to let me know what I should change; and He does this in a loving and tender way... and then He helps me change it!

  There are countless other parallels that I've found beween my marriage and my relationship with God. I have been blessed to have a godly husband who loves me "as Christ loves the church" (Ephesians 5:25 and Colossians 3:19). Our marriage is not perfect, but it's beautiful. We learn from our mistakes and move on. Sometimes I wonder if that's part of Courtney's obsession with marriage: seeing how Keith and I relate to each other? If so, I take that as a high compliment and thank God.

  I am sure several factors are at work here, but one thing is for sure: She is convinced that she will marry a boy named Collish. In fact, she was talking about him just the other day while playing...

 "Mama, I think Collish would like this star."

 [Remembering that Collish is her "future husband" from past conversations]

"Oh really? And who is Collish?"

"Um, he's nobody."

  I wish I had a picture of her face when she said that. It was the classic deer-caught-in-the-headlights look that teenagers get when you say "who was that cute boy you were talking to?" or something along those lines, haha!

  So here's to my future son-in-law. God bless you, "Collish". :) And my prayer today is that my children will realize the love God has for them as the Lover of their Souls. May they find true revelation of God through the paradigm of marriage- whether it be their own (one day) or those that they witness through family and friends; but especially as revealed in the Scriptures.

Play, Pray, Say & Obey...

I've been meaning to update this for some time now. Just before Christmas I started praying about my new year's resolutions. I had a few that were the "same ol' same ol'". You know : lose weight, read more, yadda yadda yadda. Those are great ideas, and I am working on them, but I wanted my "new year's resolutions" to be focused around something that I really really really wanted to work on. Things I can see making a difference in eternity one day... and so I thought about my children. I have been working on a few things with them for the last 3 months or so, but I wanted to put some OOMPH into it, so to speak. So, I took some of my goals from last year and sort of focused them into a short, quick saying that I can remember throughout the day:

Play, Pray, Say & Obey

 PLAY: I want to play with my children. Sounds simple enough, but this one is really hard for me to remember some days. I'm a very task-oriented person. Once I get started on something, it's hard for me to stop... unfortunately, that's not always a good thing. Sometimes I'm task-oriented to a fault- like when I spend an hour on Facebook or when I am so busy taking pictures at the park that I forget to enjoy our time there. I don't mean to, it's just part of my personality. It's a beautiful part of who God made me to be... but I have to learn to use it the way He intended it to be used. So one goal I have this year is to take more time to play with my kiddos. Let that be my task, if I have to think of it that way. I've tried to take time each day for the last few months to play with Courtney in her room. We read, play with dolls, practice letters and so much more. It's been A-mazing! I love playing with my little girl. Not that I never played with her before, but it's just different now- I'm not so distracted by the dishes, the laundry and everything else that calls out for my attention during the day. I've noticed that doing this has caused me to be more playful throughout the day as well- not just during our "playtime". I've also seen her creativity blossom as I've taught her how to make a Barbie doll bed out of an old shoebox and a few washcloths. I decided a while back that I wanted Courtney to remember me in this season of her life as an engaged, present, playful mother. So that's my first goal for the new year: to play.

PRAY: I pray for my kids often, but I want to be more intentional. I want to go beyond the "keep them safe and healthy" prayers and pray more specifically as well. I want to cry out for the will of God in their lives- to pray God's heart- to pray Scripture over them. I want my kids to grow up knowing God intimately- not as a religion, but as a Person. A verse that has been on my heart for several months now is 3 John 4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This is what I want for them- that they would walk in the truth all the days of their lives. The truth of who God is, the truth of who they are in Christ, and the truth of what the Gospel means to those around them.

SAY: This one is pretty simple, too... but also much easier said than done. I want to encourage my kiddos. I feel so much love and delight toward them, but I sometimes forget to put my thoughts into words. I love watching Courtney's face light up when I simply say "I love you". Lately, I've tried to make it clear that she is a blessing to us by telling her, "I am so glad God let me be your mommy!" She giggles with delight, and I am overjoyed because it is the absolute truth. I've tried to encourage her in those cute little quirks, too- you're creative, you're caring, you're exciting & adventurous...haha, even when they look a little strange (some of you may remember the biscuit hanging on the refridgerator). I've even started practicing with Matthew. I know he doesn't understand my words just yet, but he does light up at my tone of voice- and Courtney hears how to encourage others. She often jumps in and says things like, "Oh, Matthew, you're such a cutie baby!"

OBEY: I must obey God. Simple. Hard. Necessary. Life-Giving. If I am to excel in motherhood, wifedom and discipleship, I must obey God. Part of that for me lately has meant getting up at 6am to spend time with Jesus, no matter how many times I had to get up to feed Matthew, take Courtney back to her bed, etc. It has been amazing. I can't put into words how hard and how refreshing it is at the same time. I've noticed a change in my attitude, my level of patience, my self-esteem and my overall outlook on life. The biggest thing for me here is proving to myself that I can get up. I have made excuses for years, trying to fit my quiet time in during the day because I was "too tired" at 6am. Of course, I get through a couple of sentences in my Bible or say a few words in prayer and I'm distracted, getting juice, or cleaning up a mess. I have been so blessed getting up early. It's incredibly peaceful to sit in God's presence and not worry about the kids because I know they're sleeping safely in their beds. It frees up my attention and mind so I can completely focus on God. I can worship freely, study His Word more intently and pray with greater precision.

So there you have it. My new year's resolutions in parenting: Play, Pray, Say & Obey. Of course, I have a few others I'm working on (that last bit of baby weight for example), but this little motto is my focus. It's great because it can also translate into my relationship with my husband :)

 My prayer for 2011 is that God will mold me more into the image of Christ so that I can reflect His glory in a true, life-giving way to those around me.

"For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." ~Romans 8:29