Fit. Of. The. Century. Wow. It started out as a nice day, and I am sure it will end as one, too- we just had a minor blip in our attitudes after lunch. We've had several days of cloudy skies, two days of rain, and forcasts of 40° temps for tomorrow. Today, however, is BEAUTIFUL! Sunshine and 60°. Perfect, if you ask me. So I decided that I'd get out and stock up so I wouldn't have to run to town during next week's cold front.
We went to Walmart, then Hobby Lobby, to pick up a few odds and ends that I'm out of. Then we met Keith for lunch. Everyone was happy and the prospect of a good grocery store trip was looking pretty good, in spite of the fact that we were closing in on nap time. We said goodbye to the hubs and headed to Kroger.
We found just the right basket (the blue car) and headed in. Matthew started to fuss. We got our produce. His fussing turned to tears. I got him out of the car and placed him in the basket. His tears turned to all-out screams. He continued this for quite some time. I tried to calm him, but he kept at it, trying to get into the big section of the cart, saying "Me! Me!"
Matthew is 17 months old, so "Me" means quite a bit right now. It usually means he wants something. I had no idea what, since he wasn't pointing at anything. I thought he just wanted to sit in the cart with the food, since his sister often does. So I held him. He did flips in my arms, so I put him down to walk, holding my hand. He tried to run away. Back in the basket. Back to the little car with sister. Back into my arms. This kept him quiet (somewhat) for a few minutes as we picked up cheese, butter and eggs, but by the time we got to the meat, my little boy was screaming so loud that people were staring. He was climbing in circles around me. It was all I could do to hold on to him. They stopped their conversations. I'm sure I was red. Courtney got out of the car to ask why he was being so loud- she couldn't hear her video game over his voice. Really? So, having the main items on my list checked off (milk, eggs, bread & what-not), I made a bee-line for the checkout.
As soon as we got there, Matthew turned on the charm, ringing the "I'm a satisfied customer!" bell and waving to the checkout girl. I emptied out the cart and realized, through his cavemanesque grunts and gestures, that what Matthew had wanted all along were the Cheez-it's in my purse. He saw the bag poking up through the top. Sigh.
It's all good now. He's asleep and Courtney is watching Nick Jr. The house is quiet and no one is staring at me.
As I put the groceries away, I couldn't help but replay the previous hour's events in my mind. It made me think of a few grown-ups I've met in my (short) lifetime. They know what they want, but they lack the communication skills to get it. Or, they're so engulfed by fear or pride that they refuse to tell anyone what they need. They just point and climb and yell, hoping someone gets the point. Then there are those who lack grace in their speech and just say whatever comes to mind, without consideration of others' feelings.
You might hear things like: "I just don't know how to tell my husband I need some me-time. What if he thinks I'm being mean and don't want to be around him?" Or maybe "You're all losers. I can't stand to be around you. I need mature people to hang out with." Or, "No way I'm telling my friend that she gets on my nerves when she texts during our lunch together. If she doesn't know it bothers me by now, then I'm just going to be rude right back to her. She'll get the point."
Sadly, she won't. You'll burn bridges with people who could potentially enrich your life, and he won't realize you need me-time. Your boss won't know that you can't work Saturdays, that girl/guy won't know that you like them, and your friends won't stop calling after ten o'clock. Not if you don't communicate well.
I wish people would communicate more. And not just more, but better. Let's stop throwing fits (whether passive aggressive or out there for everyone to see) and just tell people what we need. Think about it first, pray about it, wait till the right time, and say it in a way that will encourage them- but say it. I'm all about choosing my battles, but if most of your battles are centered around miscommunication, there are ways to solve that. Check out this article for a few tips. I especially like #6: Using "I" Messages. For instance. Instead of saying to Matthew, "You just don't communicate well with me!" I could say, "I feel like I'm missing what you're trying to say here." Sorry, but I have to laugh, because he's one year old. Of course he doesn't communicate well!
Anyway, I (re)learned two lessons today. #1 If it's 30 minutes till naptime, just go home. Don't try to take the baby to the grocery store. Duh. #2 Remember to communicate effectively. I have to check myself sometimes and ask if I'm getting my point accross in a positive and encouraging way. Am I honoring God with my words? Here is a scripture I try to remember when it comes to communciation:
"Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!" ~James 3:2-10
Bottom line is this: If you want the proverbial Cheez-it's, tell someone. But make sure that you're honoring God with your speech, not cursing those who have been made in the image of God. Here's to a new year of communicating better. Check out the link to the article above and just ask yourself if you're a good communicator. If you're not sure, ask someone. If you're not, now would be a great time to get humble before God and ask Him for some help. Just two chapters earlier, in James 1:5, we are met with this encouragement: "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." God is the greatest Communicator of all time. Surely He's got what you need:)
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