We quickly got dressed, had breakfast and brushed our teeth, then set out to the first day of a new chapter in our lives. I was fine until we turned left at the stop sign and I started to ask Courtney if she was excited about visiting her new school. Before I could finish the question, my voice cracked and my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't help it! A few minutes later, my husband called to tell me he would meet us there, and I cried to him, too. Courtney piped up from the backseat: "Mama, make sure to try REALLY hard not to cry." I had to laugh at that point because I wondered if she was saying it through a lens of compassion or embarrassment? After all, we had already had a talk about the difference between happy tears and sad tears a few days before.
I remember bits and pieces of that conversation, something like "I'm just so happy that you've grown into such a big girl and you'll be going to school."
"Well," she replied, "You shouldn't cry. You should just be happy that Matthew is going to be at home with you." That's my little girl- always an answer for everything.
Before you start feeling sorry for me, however, I have to clarify that school will only be two morning per week- about 6 hours total time that she will be in the care of Mrs. "T" (whom I loved when I met today). After meeting the staff and the class pets, I am confident that we made the right choice and so happy for my little girl. We went to parent orientation (props to my hubs for taking off work to come!). I was so blessed to see that Courtney's name was all over the classroom- it made me feel good to see someone taking time to make her feel special. Mrs "T" explained curriculum, snacks, parties, field trips and discipline. One thing she said caught and kept my attention. I could hardly concentrate on anything else for the rest of the meeting. Mrs. T said very plainly: "Our goal in this class is to get them ready for Kindergarten and to teach them to be independent."
INDEPENDENT
I'm not sure I'm ready for my four year old to be independent.
In the bathroom? Sure. At chore time? Yes, please!
But all I could think about was something I had heard several years ago (I can't remember where): "From the time a child is conceived, it is growing up and away from its reliance on its parents." *WHAAH!* I know it's true, but sometimes I'm just not sure I want it to happen. Think about it: crawling, walking, learning to do things on their own. They have to grow up or we'll be 80 yrs old and still changing the diapers of 55 yr old adults. Can you imagine a 40 year old man begging his mother for juice? Or a 50 year old woman asking her mother to wipe her bottom because she dropped the toilet paper in the floor again? Ok, now I don't feel so bad about letting her become more independent...
But let's take it one step at a time. As I sat with the other parents in tiny orange chairs today (we were quite the sight!) I pictured Courtney growing up before my eyes. She was in high school and I was asking myself where the years had gone. It's times like that when I need to get back to reality and focus on the days I have right now. If I don't want her to grow up before I know it, then I'd better pay attention. Raising children, as someone once told me, is full of very long days and very short years. I want to enjoy the long days while I've got them. Then, when the years have gone by and I'm sitting at her high school graduation I can look back with few regrets, knowing that I she and I experienced her childhood together.
I am so happy for my daughter. Transitions are often difficult, but I am excited about the adventure that lies ahead for her. I can't wait to see how much she grows over this next year in preparation for Kindergarten, and I look forward to witnessing her become the person God made her to be- as quickly or as slowly as He deems best.
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